


How In My Silence I Adored You

by dahlstrom



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-05
Updated: 2017-04-12
Packaged: 2018-09-22 06:07:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 65,939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9587156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dahlstrom/pseuds/dahlstrom
Summary: In a parallel universe, the rest of the boy squad actually shows up at the firstkosegruppameeting and Isak stays for the love games. Thus, his first interaction with Even is quite different (no paper towels were harmed in this scenario). Also heavily hints at Vilde/Eva.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A lovely anon on tumblr gave me this prompt and it was so much fun to write :) Tons of love to [Tracy](http://liftupyourhands.tumblr.com), [CZ](http://adamparishe.tumblr.com), and [Eleanor](http://koninginnen.tumblr.com) for their beautiful insights and assistance!
> 
>  
> 
> **Edit February 13th: This was originally posted as a standalone fic, but I've decided to expand it into a chaptered one :)**

Isak can’t even imagine having to sit here by himself. If his friends hadn’t miraculously showed for this stupid _kosegruppa_ thing, he would have felt like a giant loser and would likely have ended up giving Sana major shit for putting him through this. All these theatre nerds... but Jonas had strolled in, and Mahdi and Magnus had been a minute behind him, and Isak’s Friday night had become something closer to normal.

Jonas is swearing up and down about the incredible FIFA score he’d made after school that day - when no one else was around, of course, not a single soul who could verify it, so they’re laughing and giving him a proper drag, just like any other time. Vilde’s eyes are shooting daggers at them because people are still coming into the meeting and they're being kind of loud. Even so, there’s a new voice that manages to cut through Magnus’ protests and Mahdi’s cackling, a voice that only Isak notices.

And the funny thing is, he doesn’t really know _why,_ because he hadn’t heard him speak the other day in the cafeteria. Something in Isak’s brain can make the connection, though, and suddenly there’s the same handsome guy, same - wow, seriously tall - guy who’d caught Isak’s eye for a fraction of a second and made him feel like everything inside of him had taken flight.

He steals another few seconds’ look, dropping out of the conversation with his friends and trying to figure out what the guy is saying to Vilde, Eva, and Sana. It takes a moment before Isak realizes Vilde is preening at him, and he swallows hard. Then Isak’s eyes lock with his again, but this time there’s no delicious swooping sensation, just a hot stab of something close to fear. He jerks his eyes away, back to Jonas, and immediately plasters on a smile as if he’d been listening all along. But he’s keenly aware of how close the guy gets to him as he walks past, ascends the step behind Isak, and sits just to his left. Isak can’t make himself look - won’t _allow_ himself - but he knows exactly where the guy is. Exactly how close.

He’s so acutely conscious of it, his stomach knotted so tightly, that he doesn’t even flinch when Emma stops in front of him. It’s not until Mahdi nudges him - at the same moment she gives Isak an almost strident “Hey!” - that he looks up, and his struggle to smile rivals her awkward attempt at flirting with him. Isak just can’t take it, not with his friends staring at him and that gorgeous guy right there behind him and all the _pressure._

When she leaves, Magnus furiously whispers that he’s disappointed, man, disappointed as fuck, and Mahdi asks what the fuck that was, and Jonas just shakes his head, and Isak’s head is _this close_ to exploding. Coming to this thing was a colossal mistake.

A few minutes later, Eva closes the doors and joins Sana and Vilde at the front of the group, and everyone gradually quiets down. 

Isak starts to breathe easier when Vilde begins talking, because finally there seems to be someone else in the room who’s as wound up as he is. He actually smiles a little at the way her words are coming out sort of fluttery. He’s never been quite sure how he feels about Vilde - she’s annoying as hell, all pastels and perfection and those big doe eyes, but when he notices Eva is looking at her with a kind of tenderness he never once saw her give Jonas when they were dating, something clicks. _Maybe that’s why she’s nervous._

He’s only half-listening to what she’s saying, but the words ‘love exercise’ do get through and he rolls his eyes. Luckily, his friends are there to help him through this touchy-feely nonsense. All four of them exchange looks that are part amusement, part exasperation, and Isak hears Mahdi mumble something like “I don’t know if this is worth a thousand kroner.”

“If everyone could come down here to the floor and stand in a circle, please,” Vilde instructs. The shuffling of feet and little bursts of nervous giggling from the group are loud in Isak’s ears, but not as loud as the sound of the handsome guy’s sleeve swiping against Isak’s own as he passes.

He sticks close to his boys, knowing that only familiarity will get him through this, but then of course Eva has to ruin everything by chiming in, “Everyone please try to stand next to people who aren’t already your friends. We’re trying to get to know each other here, you know.”

It’s then that Isak has a revelation - what if, _what if_ he ends up next to that guy? Obviously it would be an incredible stroke of luck, because he’s sure at least half the girls in here want to stand next to him, with that blond pillar of hair and those sparkling blue eyes. Still, though... there are at least 20 people here, and the laws of probability could be kind sometimes...

This blissful line of thinking is cut short when Emma leans into his left shoulder with a laugh. “Fancy meeting you here,” she says in a playfully deep voice, and it’s all Isak can do to muster a chuckle for her. Of course this would be his fate, of course it would. He can’t walk away, so he just forces a smile and clears his throat, hands sliding into his pockets as he looks around - and then he sees who’s on his other side.

His throat goes completely dry, and then drier still when the guy - _the_ guy - gives him a smile and a little nod. Isak can barely summon the strength to return either of them but he manages, oblivious to Emma bouncing on her toes beside him.

He makes himself focus on Vilde. “We’re going to do a chain of compliments!” She giggles and brings both of her hands together, appearing much less nervous now. “We’ll go around the circle and you’ll turn to the person on your left and give them a little compliment, just whatever comes to mind. Oh, and introduce yourselves, too. And if you want to, you can shake hands, or hug, or whatever. Just feel the love!”

Isak’s eyes meet Jonas’, directly across the circle from him. This sounds... well, sort of horrifying. Who's on his left? Emma. And Jonas is tilting his head toward her while giving Isak a gleeful little grin. Yep, horrifying. Having to turn on that suave motherfucker persona he’s created while around his friends is hard enough, but doing it in front of all these people _plus_ that guy? Isak honestly wants to fake a stomach cramp or something to get out of doing this.

Until, of course, he realizes that _he’s_ on _that guy’s_ left. 

Immediately, his palms begin to sweat, and pretty soon every inch of his body feels like it’s itching. That dude is going to have to look at him and give him a compliment, and Isak is going to just have to stand there and take it and smile. What on earth would he even _say?_ What the hell _is_ this stupid game anyway? He narrows his eyes at Vilde, ridiculous Vilde, because judging by her enthusiasm _she_ came up with it, and all of his current misery can be blamed on her. 

He doesn’t even hear the first few people speaking because he’s trying so hard to just breathe like a normal human being. It’s not until the girl on the guy’s other side starts to speak that Isak makes himself concentrate, because if he’s understanding this correctly, he’s going to learn the guy’s name in a second here.

“Hi! I’m Lea.” She giggles, and then throws her arms around the guy’s neck in a hug. A sick dart of jealousy rushes through Isak and he has to drop his eyes, because the floor is much nicer to look at than _that._

The guy laughs in surprise and hugs her back, and then says, “Hi Lea, I’m Even.”

 _Even._

“Hi, Even! Um, I like... I really like your hugs, wow.”

Isak looks up again so he can get a glimpse of this girl’s face, and he’s pretty sure she was with Emma earlier, which doesn’t surprise him at all. He’s mentally plotting ways to publicly embarrass her when all of a sudden Even turns toward him, towering tall and beaming at him like the fucking _sun_ or something, and he’s reaching for Isak’s hand and _oh fuck they’re all sweaty oh God please don’t shake m--_

“My name’s Even,” he says, and his voice is so deep and throaty and their hands are still touching and shit, Isak has to remember his own name right now?

“Uh, Isak. I’m Isak.”

Even repeats his name softly to himself, as if to lock it into place, and then his smile seems to grow even brighter as he says, “Isak, I like your style. Your clothes,” he adds, sweeping his hand up and down Isak’s body. “Yeah.”

There might be a few soft laughs in the background, but Isak barely registers them, because okay, what? His _clothes?_ Before he can stop himself, he takes a quick glance down to confirm that he is indeed wearing nothing at all special, but he gives Even a brief smile of thanks anyway, because he’s not a _complete_ asshole. 

And he’s going to have to sort that out later, because fuck, he’s completely forgotten that he now has to turn to Emma and say something nice to her, and could this evening possibly get any more awkward? 

It feels ridiculous introducing yourself to a person who’s already had their tongue down your throat, but here they are.

“Hi,” he says to her, forcing a smile while also forcing his hand to stay at his side, because nope, not going there. No way is she touching it, not after Even just shook it, because Isak is, apparently, still a 12-year-old. “My name’s Isak.”

And she is just _gazing_ at him, biting her lip and practically fluttering her goddamn eyelashes, and she replies, “I’m Emma, it’s great to meet you,” in this fake-innocent little voice and this nightmare needs to be over _now._

Oh, right. Something nice.

He wills himself not to look at Jonas or Magnus or Mahdi, and blurts out the first thing that pops into his head: “Emma, I really like your hair.” He definitely hears some chuckles around the circle this time, but he just gives her another tight smile that hopefully can be read as somewhat genuine, and it appears he’s succeeded because she still looks happy when she turns toward the person on her other side, and Isak can finally fucking relax.

It takes another ten minutes for the circle to make its way back to the starting point with Vilde. Isak seemed to have missed the point in the rules when she’d said they’d be going back around in the opposite direction, now paying compliments to the person on your _right._

It’s official then - Vilde is actually trying to murder him.

The one bright spot here is that he has a little while to figure out what the hell he’s going to say to Even. The challenge, of course, is coming up with anything that won’t cause him to die of shame.

And once again, he’s forgotten all about Emma, and when he realizes she’s facing him with that same painfully earnest expression, he thankfully only has to endure a second or two of panic at what might come tumbling out of her mouth.

“Hi, Isak,” she says - it seems he’s tuned out that this is what they’re doing around the circle this time: saying the name of the person back to them to prove they’ve remembered it, he guesses. “I like... your eyes.” She’d been on the verge of saying something else, Isak thinks, because she blushes and looks down, and he mumbles a word of thanks because again, not a total dick. 

If Even hadn’t been waiting on his other side, Isak would probably have been able to pull off taking her hands and giving them an encouraging little squeeze, and then she’d peek up at him all wide-eyed and hopeful, and instead of laughter around the circle he’d hear a few low wolf whistles, and yeah, maybe he’d actually be okay with making out with her again after the meeting, and what the hell, if she wanted to drop to her knees again, he wouldn’t stop her this time. Sure. No problem. 

But Even _is_ there. And because of that, somewhere inside of him - though not quite as deep as Isak would have guessed before tonight - he knows that nothing is ever going to be the same for him again.

He turns toward Even, so fucking nervous that he’s hardly able to believe he’s pulling off a smile right now, and makes himself look directly into his eyes. “Hi, Even,” he says, his knees actually going _weak_ at the taste of the name on his tongue. “I like--” _Your eyes. Your lips. Your hair. Your smile. Your jawline. Your laugh. Your hands. Your body._ “--that you’re so tall.”

What. The fuck.

And yeah, that little laugh Even lets out is probably due to receiving a completely dumbass compliment in front of 20 strangers instead of anything resembling appreciation, but at least he gives Isak a real smile. It’s the lifeline that Isak clings to so he doesn’t have to leave this room, this city, this entire planet, to save his body from literally burning into ash with embarrassment. 

He doesn’t hear what Even says to Lea, or what Lea says to Eva, or anything else at all until the room is suddenly ringing with applause. It’s over. He’s made it through. 

Except he _hasn't._

“That was great, thanks everyone!” Eva says, smiling around at them all. “How about another game?” Her smile widens at the approving hums and nods from the group, and she steps forward into the circle. “Okay, let’s all take a seat. Yeah, just right where you’re standing.”

Isak’s heart is still pounding so it’s a bit of a relief to sit, regardless of whatever Eva’s going to make them do now. When he dimly registers that this means he’ll get to stay near Even for a while longer, he feels a little better, although it doesn’t slow his heart rate.

“This is a little something that Sana and I came up with,” Eva says, smiling at Sana as she moves toward the center of the circle with her. “We’ll all close our eyes, and Sana will touch a couple of people on the shoulder, and they’ll open their eyes and stand up. They’ll walk around the outside of the circle and give people little taps on their shoulder - tap once if it’s someone who makes you smile, and twice if it’s someone you want to get to know better. You don’t have to tap everyone when it’s your turn, but the purpose of the game is that at some point, everyone will be appreciated in some way.”

Okay, _this_ he can handle. Most of the group seems to agree, because he’s seeing little nods and smiles everywhere. 

“Actually,” Vilde says suddenly, “I just thought of a third option, if that’s okay?” 

Eva looks surprised, but nods and waves a hand at her to continue. 

Isak can tell at once that Vilde’s nerves are back, and he momentarily forgets about his own inner turmoil, watching her closely. “What about...” she says, voice shaking just enough for Isak to notice it, but he’s not sure if anyone else can. “Tap the person three times if you have a crush on them.”

The reaction around the room is as to be expected - bursts of excited giggles from most of the girls, while many of the guys let out low exclamations and reach across their neighbors to fist bump their friends. Isak, however, remains focused on Vilde, who is anxiously tucking her hair behind her ears while staring at Eva. In spite of the swirl of confused thoughts in his head, Isak has to smile. He’s fairly sure he knows what’s happening here, and he’s quite surprised to feel a little sympathy pang in his heart for Vilde. 

“Yeah...” Eva is now saying slowly, nodding while glancing between Vilde and Sana. “Yeah, I like that.” She’s smiling again, and gives Vilde a quick thumbs-up. “Did everyone hear that? Three taps if you’ve got a little crush.” She steals another look at Vilde that Isak is pretty sure no one notices but him and Sana, and Sana’s reaction is decidedly different from his own.

“Okay, that’s fine, whatever,” she says loudly, the very picture of no nonsense, and everyone shuts up at once. “Just no peeking, you got it?” And yeah, they definitely get it. 

It still takes them all a moment or two to fully settle down. Isak closes his eyes as instructed, stretching his legs out in front of him and leaning back on his hands. This game is much more personal, but also much more _private,_ and he can get behind that aspect for sure. No peeking from him.

For several minutes, the only sounds are soft footsteps circling the group and Sana occasionally murmuring to people as she tags them in. Two members of the group suck in sharp breaths at various points, and it’s clear from the nervous laughter that follows each that they’ve just received three taps. Good for them, Isak thinks, only a little bitterly. He himself is tapped once by two people, and twice by a third person, so he’s feeling sort of good about himself, even though he’s positive one of those taps was from Jonas - because he knows Jonas’ touch by heart, no matter how brief it might be. 

He’s feeling much calmer now and has only vaguely started to think about who he’ll be tapping during his turn when he hears Sana very close on his left, and then the sound of Emma getting to her feet. His anxiety rushes back in all at once, because what the hell is this girl going to do?

It takes a few seconds for him to realize that he’s actually holding his breath, but when he feels three light taps on his shoulder and catches the scent of Emma’s perfume, there’s no accompanying emotion at all. Not dread, not annoyance, not even confusion, just... numbness. So he just sighs, very quietly and only when he’s sure Emma is far enough away that she won’t hear it. And when she sits back down beside him, Isak half-expects her hand to “accidentally” brush his arm or something, and silently thanks whoever is watching over him that it doesn’t happen.

He also silently thanks Sana when she touches his shoulder and whispers “your turn” in his ear a few seconds after Emma has sat down. He blinks slowly, needing to focus after nearly 15 minutes with his eyes shut, then stands carefully. The other person Sana’s chosen is a girl he doesn’t recognize on the other side of the circle; they smile briefly at each other before beginning to walk around the perimeter.

One tap each for Eva, Jonas, Magnus. Easy. He’s almost passed Vilde, but stops and reaches back to lightly tap her on the top of the head, and he has to smile when he hears her let out a quiet giggle. He doesn’t really know what possessed him to go for her head - or indeed, for her at all. The mind does like to play its little tricks, he supposes.

Mahdi gets two taps, which is again easy. Isak glances back at him after he’s moved on a little, and seeing the pleased smile on Mahdi’s face makes him even more sure that he’s chosen correctly.

While he knows Sana isn't participating, he can't resist scooting over to her and giving her two quick taps as well, accompanied by his best, sweetest, “please give me my damn weed when this bullshit is over, mmkay?” smile. His efforts are rewarded with nothing but an icy stare. 

And it serves him right, really, because he’d only done it to stave off the inevitable. He's finished the circle and is on his way back to his seat, left with the decision of what to do about the people sitting on either side of him. 

Emma... no, he's just not going to do anything. Part of him knows how heartless that is, especially after what she’d (almost certainly) done for him a few minutes ago, but he just wants it to be done. He could drag it out and lie and lead her on, but honestly that shit is _exhausting,_ and crueler in the long run anyway. Better to just nip it in the bud now and save them both. 

There's no way he's avoiding Even, though. His heart is absolutely racing, his palms are practically dripping sweat again, but he's going to touch that boy come hell or high fucking water. 

Isak would like to tell himself that he's just the bravest Gryffindor of them all, drop three taps to Even’s shoulder like he does this kind of thing every single day, what of it, and then settle back down on the floor beside him with a knowing sigh, one that will somehow make it irrefutable to Even that he’d just been the one to touch him. And then they’d live happily ever after. 

But he's not brave. He's not charming or smooth, either. He's frankly pretty terrified, like, _all the time,_ of his own thoughts most of all, and this moment right now? Is about the realest, most raw he's ever felt.

So he does the best he can, the very best - not just one tap on Even’s shoulder, but two, very quick, barely grazing him but definitely there. And then he actually does let out some small sound as he sits back down beside Even, hoping Even will make the connection. 

Closing his eyes again brings such immense relief that he almost lets his body go completely flat on the floor. He's done it. He's made it through. 

He receives another single tap and another double from unknown people before Sana finally chooses Even to stand - Isak’s been waiting, certain they must be getting down to the very last of the group now and almost afraid Even’s already had his turn but Isak somehow missed it. His heart begins to race again and he wills his lungs to function normally, already bracing himself for disappointment. 

When his shoulder is tapped, just once, it startles him so badly that he jumps, probably visibly. But the person then lays their hand flat on his shoulder, soothing and... wait, _familiar._ Then their fingers contract in a reassuring squeeze before sliding away. _Eva._ It’s Eva. Isak knows her touch by heart, too, and probably would have recognized it at once if he weren't so fucking on edge.

He’s hardly had a chance to recover from the shock when it happens - three distinct taps from a strong yet gentle finger. Isak actually forgets to breathe. _Sana’s only been having two people get up at once, right? If Eva was first, and Even is definitely standing too, then that means--_

And the question is answered for him by the sound of Even sitting back down beside him, barely three seconds later, and is further stamped into certainty by the soft sigh Even lets out, nearly identical to what Isak had done when he’d resumed his seat. 

He can’t think. Can’t process this. There must be a mistake. Even must have misunderstood the rules of the game, or there’s a third mystery person who got up with Even and Eva - there’s got to be _some_ explanation. There’s just no way, none at all. 

If any more rounds of taps take place, Isak isn’t aware of them. The Swedish Army could literally invade the school right now and he wouldn’t know it. 

Finally, it’s Sana’s voice that brings him back to earth. She’s thanking everyone for participating in the game, and Isak slowly blinks a few times. Now Eva is echoing Sana, then Vilde is getting to her feet and thanking the group not just for participating, but for coming to the meeting and making it a success. She’s speaking a mile a minute again and her eyes keep darting to Eva, and Isak wonders vaguely how many taps were exchanged between the two of them.

Then the meeting is over, and he’s got to pull himself together since Jonas has already stood up and is heading toward him. He allows himself the very briefest of glances sideways at Even, but he appears engaged in conversation with Lea. Jealousy pierces him again, and he’s more grateful for Jonas extending a hand at that very second to help him up than he could ever really tell him. Isak grasps it firmly and is already back to his old self by the time he stands up, patting Jonas on the back in thanks, telling him he’ll be back in a minute, and walking straight toward Sana.

He has to do this right away. He has to move, turn his back on Even and put him out of his mind for just _one_ minute, because if he doesn’t force his brain to think about something else, something simple and straightforward like finishing this business with Sana, then he’ll go crazy. At the very least, he’ll stand there with his friends and stare so hard at Even that one of them will notice and then he’ll have to make something up. No, fuck that.

“Mission accomplished,” he says to Sana - luckily he’s reached her at a break in her conversation with Chris and Kasper. She crosses her arms and looks him up and down, and Isak just stares right back. There’s a smile twitching at the corners of her mouth, though.

“Yes, I guess you did come through,” she replies at last, and motions for him to come with her. Isak gives Chris and Kasper quick smiles before following Sana to her bag, which she crouches beside and unzips. They’re several feet from anyone else but Isak still shields her from view out of habit, then remembers that there aren’t any adults here so it doesn’t matter who sees. “As promised,” she says with a smirk, standing up straight again and holding out the bag of weed.

He plucks it from her fingers. “Thanks. Do I need to weigh it to make sure you only took ten percent?” He holds it up as if to inspect it, and out of the corner of his eye he sees that Even is watching him. Isak’s stomach flips over as their eyes lock, and he hastily slides the bag into his jacket pocket, tearing his eyes away to focus on Sana again. “Seriously, thanks.”

“No problem. I’m really glad you guys came. It was... it was fun, wasn’t it?” She sounds a bit surprised herself, and Isak wonders how hard Vilde had to talk her into doing this thing. 

“It was, actually,” he agrees, and he’s not lying. “Did anyone besides me give you taps?”

“As a matter of fact, yes.”

Something occurs to him then, and he glances at Even again before he can stop himself. “I just realized - you got to see how many taps people got, and by who.” He swallows, on the verge of asking... but then he reels himself back in and adds simply, “And who’s crushing on who.”

Sana purses her lips and tilts her head slightly. “I sure did.”

Right away it’s crystal clear that any more information will have to be dragged out of her and Isak just doesn’t have the energy right now. He rolls his eyes and glares at her, but he still holds his fist out for her to bump before walking back to his friends. 

“Okay, here’s your shit, Mahdi,” he says, interrupting whatever the three of them are talking about by tossing the weed to Mahdi, who exclaims happily. “Don’t say I never did anything for you,” Isak adds.

“Never, bro.” Mahdi hands the bag to Jonas and gives Isak a quick hug, and before he’s fully let go he adds in a lower voice, “You got two taps from me, just so you know.” He claps the back of Isak’s shoulder, and Isak can’t help grinning at him.

“Don’t spread this around, but you got two from me, too.”

Mahdi hugs him again, for a little longer this time. Behind him, Isak can see Jonas and Magnus examining the weed and he knows they’re trying to calculate how much is left. “Are we doing this?” Mahdi asks, reaching for the bag again and looking around at the rest of them.

Isak opens his mouth to immediately say yes, but catches sight of Emma standing a bit behind Magnus, watching him apprehensively. Fuck.

Jonas has clearly noticed her too, because he nudges Isak’s arm and says quietly, “Somebody needs to speak to you, I think.”

When Mahdi’s and Magnus’ heads swivel in Emma’s direction as well, Isak groans inwardly. He’d been hoping to just not have to deal with her at all, but now that they’ve made it so damn obvious...

“Hey, how many times did she tap your shoulder?” Magnus whispers - _stage_ whispers, actually; Isak has to wince at how much his voice carries.

“Three,” he replies, too exhausted at this point to bother lying. But he wants to kick himself as soon as the word has left his mouth, because all three of their jaws drop, and both of his arms get punched by Mahdi and Magnus.

“Why are you standing here talking to us?” Mahdi hisses, and Magnus is nodding emphatically, and Jonas is just staring at Isak as if he’s an idiot. “Get over there and hit that!”

Stomach churning, Isak gives them the best fake laugh he can at the moment, nodding while gritting his teeth. “You’re right, you’re right,” he says, cutting through Magnus’ continued frantic encouragement (so fucking _loud,_ Jesus). “Tell you what, I’ll catch up to you guys,” he says, glancing at Emma again. “I’ll just be a minute.”

“I sure hope it takes you longer than a minute, dude,” Magnus snorts. For once, Isak can’t come up with a retort - he’s too busy trying to pull together something to say to her.

He low-fives each of the boys and starts to walk toward her, figuring he’ll just wing it because he has no clue what to say. He just hopes she doesn’t start screeching or something. 

But he’s only taken a couple of steps when Even suddenly appears at his side, stopping Isak in his tracks. “Hi,” Even says, as if it’s the simplest thing in the world to just walk up and speak to a guy you’re crushing on (did those three taps seriously happen, though? or did Isak hallucinate the whole thing?).

Isak’s mouth is instantly a desert again, his lips slightly parted in shock as he stares up at him. _God._ “Hey,” he manages to croak out. While he's grateful as shit that Even has delayed his speaking to Emma, at the same time he’s utterly terrified of what Even might say.

Even looks over at Emma, then back to Isak, raising his eyebrows in question. “Am I interrupting, or...?”

If he weren’t such a blur of conflicting emotions, Isak would have burst out laughing. “No, I--” He sighs, then gives Emma the most apologetic look he can manage right now, shrugging his shoulders and tilting his head toward Even, hoping she’ll get it. _I need to talk to him first, sorry._ When she narrows her eyes at him and just shakes her head before flouncing off, he really does feel sort of lousy, but then he looks up at Even again and everything instantly becomes brighter.

“Hey,” he says again with a quick smile, then drops his eyes to the floor as he takes a small step back, hands sliding into his pockets so he can make sure they don’t betray him. He can’t not look at Even for more than a few seconds, though, no matter how uncertain he feels.

Even opens his mouth, then closes it again and chuckles to himself, shaking his head. “This is going to sound kind of presumptuous, sorry, but...” He pauses there, and Isak’s brain goes haywire with possible endings to that sentence. “Okay, I saw you and Sana over there, with the pot? And I was wondering if you were going to do something with it tonight, because...” He slips his fingertips into the breast pocket of his denim jacket and produces an impressively fat blunt. “...I could make a contribution.” 

Okay, no way could Isak have expected _that._ It’s as if Even has pressed some magical button inside him that instantly releases the tension, expels nearly all of his fear, and actually allows him to smile. “Ah, it’s not really mine,” he says. “Sana was-- it’s a long story but she was sort of holding it for me, and she blackmailed me into coming here tonight with my friends so I could get it back.” Even’s eyebrows shoot up in amusement, and seeing it pulls another smile from Isak, this one even easier. “And then I had to give it back to Mahdi, because it’s his.”

“Blackmail?” Even repeats, grinning. “I’d kind of like to hear this long story.” He’s now rolling the joint between the tips of his fingers and Isak’s eyes are irresistibly drawn to it. But as soon as he’s obviously focused there, Even stops rolling it, holds it still, and starts tapping his ring finger lightly against it. Once, twice, three times. And stops.

Three times. Just as he’d tapped Isak's shoulder. It's a deliberate mirror, a wordless confirmation - Isak is sure of it.

He’s hardly able to breathe for a few seconds, but he does somehow possess the clarity to look back up at Even’s face. And Even’s eyes are steady, fucking _twinkling_ at him, inviting and playful and blue as the clearest summer sky. He’s smiling too, no longer quite a grin but still dazzling, everything about him just radiating _warmth,_ and God, it’s been so long since Isak felt warm, since he felt much of anything other than chilly self-loathing. He wants to feel the sun on his face again, and unless he’s mistaken, Even is offering him the chance.

“Do you have anywhere to be right now?”

Isak shakes his head slowly. Mahdi, Magnus, Jonas - who are they? 

“Well, then. Come outside.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In a parallel universe, the rest of the boy squad actually shows up at the first _kosegruppa_ meeting and Isak stays for the love games. A story in which small changes can make big differences, and the curtains in Isak's room might just be yellow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By request, I expanded the original standalone fic into an AU of the full season. Many many thanks to Daf, Eleanor, and CZ for the handholding and inspiration <333

It takes Isak the better part of the weekend to start thinking like a normal person again. He's consumed by the 20 minutes he and Even had sat on the bench outside, sharing that joint and having what began as the most awkward conversation imaginable, because he was _so nervous._ It’s truly a wonder that Even didn’t decide he was wasting good weed on an idiot and just leave him there. Somehow, though, Isak had been able to loosen up after a little while (the weed helped, obviously) and started to actually string sentences together instead of a dozen repetitions of _’uh-huh’_ and the occasional _’okay’._

He's thinking about Even on Saturday morning when Eskild and Linn burst into his room to include him in another Facetime with Noora. Specifically, he's remembering each time their fingers brushed when they passed the joint back and forth. And as he’s sourly asking Eskild if this will become a weekly thing, he’s actually trying to figure out from the memory of those half-seconds of contact with Even’s skin if it really was Even’s finger tapping his shoulder three times during the _kosegruppa_ game. 

He's thinking about Even that evening when he tries to settle down and watch some Netflix, but he just keeps recalling the part of their conversation that began with him nearly dropping the joint but catching it just in time and Even saying _’the force is strong with this one’_ in a terrible Yoda impression, and then Isak saying how excited he was for _Rogue One_ and the way Even’s eyes had widened. _I really love movies,_ Even had said, almost as if they’re holy or something, and had then told him that he’d made lots of silly little films while at Elvebakken. Intrigued, Isak had asked if he could see any, and before he could feel stupid for being so eager, Even had laughed, pulled out his phone, and shown Isak a video interview that his friend Mikael had shot the previous year. The Netflix tab is eventually ignored in favor of Isak's web search to try and find the video again, and when he finally hits jackpot Netflix is closed altogether. Then he goes on iTunes for Baz Luhrmann movies and almost immediately chooses _Moulin Rouge_ because hey, Ewan McGregor. The film is _ridiculous_ and kind of terrible in some ways but incredible in others, and Isak maybe - just maybe - cries at the end, and then because he can’t fall asleep he ends up watching it again less than two hours later. And maybe he watches that video of Even’s little interview a few more times as well. 

And he's still thinking about Even on Sunday afternoon when he meets up with Mahdi and Jonas to shoot hoops. The two of them ask about Emma, their eyes gleeful as they exchange looks with each other, and at the very same moment Isak is telling them them in a rather short tone that he started getting psycho vibes from her and ducked out pretty quickly, he’s picturing the sharp cut of Even’s jaw in the moonlight and the way he looked in that snapback in the video. 

And that night, he fails at sleeping again because he can’t stop wondering who exactly this Mikael guy is to Even - if they still talk, and how close they might be, and if Even thinks he’s handsome.

So by the time Monday morning finally arrives, Isak has never been more thankful for the opportunity to distract himself with school. He actually gets to biology class a little early and pulls his laptop out of his bag with the full intention of reading up on their lesson - he’d done his homework over the weekend but his mind had been at least 50% elsewhere, obviously. He’s only gotten through a bit of it when Sana slams her stuff down on the desk beside him, scaring the daylight out of him, and he glares up at her. “That’s okay, I wasn’t trying to concentrate or anything,” he snaps.

She smiles sweetly at him. “And here I was expecting you to be all chipper this morning.”

“Meaning what?”

“I gave you your drugs back so I assumed you spent the weekend smoking them all.”

Isak rolls his eyes, and she rolls hers right back. “Okay fine, I said that because you had such a good time at _kosegruppa,_ obviously.” Now Sana’s eyes are mischievous - at least that’s how Isak is reading them. “We _all_ did. New friendships being made... and everything,” she finishes, leaving a very pregnant pause that makes Isak a bit nervous. Okay, a lot. 

He just stares at her for a moment, tongue-tied, and when the teacher begins to speak to the class from the front of the room (he hadn’t even noticed the rest of the students arriving or heard the bell) he lowers his voice to a whisper to reply, “You really did see everything, then?”

Sana blinks slowly, deliberately, and gives him a silent nod. 

“Right. And how does it feel to have that kind of power over basically all of your friends?”

“It feels fantastic, thank you.”

Isak doesn’t get a chance to retort because they’re told off by the teacher for talking during class, and he successfully avoids speaking to Sana for the rest of the hour. He wouldn’t know what to say to her at this point, anyway.

\---------

He’s crossing the school courtyard late Wednesday morning when he notices Vilde ahead of him, walking alone and staring down at her phone. It’s the first time he’s seen her since Friday at _kosegruppa_ \- immediately the meaningful glances she and Eva had shared at the meeting flash through his mind, and he’s not sure how he feels about it. Did they really mean what he thinks or is he just projecting? Behaving like Eskild and seeing gay shit everywhere he looks?

Not even sure what propels him to speak to her, Isak calls Vilde’s name and takes longer strides to catch up with her. She greets him happily, though her expression is a bit curious. Isak’s not surprised - this is probably only the third or fourth time he’s ever spoken to her willingly. “I was just wondering if there were going to be any more _kosegruppa_ meetings?”

Vilde’s smile grows even brighter. “I’m so glad you’re engaging!” she says, and Isak wills himself to smile back at her and not gag. “We won’t be having any meetings this week, but next week there’s a revue party--” She gasps suddenly. “Would you like to host a pregame?”

If she’d asked him this a week ago, Isak would have found it very difficult to not laugh in her face, but right now, all he can think about is _Even would be there. Even would be at my place. Even might **see my bedroom.**_ “Sure!” he blurts out. “Uh... I mean, I’ll have to check with my roommates but I don’t think it would be a problem.”

Vilde laughs and for once it doesn’t sound like breaking glass to Isak’s ears. “No, I don’t think Eskild would mind a bit. Thank you, that’s so great! Sana told me on Saturday that she’d talked to you after the meeting and that you’d said it was fun, and that makes me really happy, because having you and your friends involved will really make the group popular, I think, and...”

She’s still talking, but all sound, including her voice, fades to a low hum for Isak, because he’s just spotted Even on the other side of the courtyard. He’s walking in the same direction Isak had been heading, but with more confidence and effortless grace than Isak could ever hope to have. All long legs and perfectly coiffed hair, sunglasses stuck in his collar, just so fucking _hot_ that Isak can’t help staring. And to top it off, he’s got another joint stuck behind his ear, which Isak finds fascinating - out here in front of everyone, teachers included, like it’s nothing, like it’s just a pen. 

Seeing him like this is surreal enough after Isak had spent virtually every waking moment since the meeting thinking about him, but then Even turns his head in Isak’s direction, as if he could feel Isak’s stare. Their eyes lock but he doesn’t slow down, doesn’t smile or nod or wave or anything at all, just returns Isak’s gaze like he’d known exactly where to find him in the crowd. 

The whole thing takes less than fifteen seconds. Even’s still walking, but Isak’s captivation is rudely cut short by Vilde literally waving her hand in front of his eyes. He blinks rapidly and tries to focus on her, only to see her frowning at him and shaking her head. “Don’t be rude. I was _talking_ to you. What are you staring at anyw--” And she’s looking back over her shoulder before Isak can stop her - he reaches for her arm to draw her attention back to him, but he’s too late, and his hand clenches into a helpless fist before dropping to his side in defeat. 

It’s just his luck that she has a clear shot through the courtyard to where Even is just now reaching his friends by the wall. Both Isak and Vilde are watching him now, both seeing him slide his sunglasses out of his shirt and onto his face, pushing up the sleeves of his jacket. Isak bites his lower lip so he won’t make a truly embarrassing sound. 

Vilde, however, has a decidedly different reaction. She whips her head back toward Isak, her eyes huge, then quickly glances over at Even and then back again. She opens her mouth, closes it again, and presses her lips into a thin line. In contrast, Isak’s mouth has dropped open in shock and fear. Head spinning, he starts clutching at feeble straws masquerading as excuses, reasons, any sort of justification he can give to Vilde if she starts asking questions, and he _knows_ Vilde, knows there’s basically zero chance she won’t start interrogating him any second.

But she doesn’t say a single word. Her eyes are doing all the talking for her - darting from Isak’s face to the ground to somewhere in the center of Isak’s chest to the side in Even’s direction and back to Isak’s face again, practically whirling right out of her head. She’s chewing on her lower lip now, just like he is, and the air between them is thick with tension, with so many unsaid things. 

Isak doesn’t get it. Why isn’t she letting him have it right now? She thrives on gossip and would probably be thrilled to have something like this on him, and _Vilde_ knowing is even more dangerous than Sana knowing, in Isak’s opinion. 

But she just clears her throat very quietly and gives him a tentative smile. “Anyway, like I said, I’m really happy you’re enjoying _kosegruppa,_ Isak. Isn’t it nice to find people with-- with...” -- she seems to struggle with words for a second, finally finishing with -- “...common interests?”

For a horrible second, Isak is sure he’s read this whole thing wrong and it’s _Even_ she has a crush on, not Eva at all. Throat dry, he tries to just nod at her, but his effort is wasted - her phone rings in her hand, drawing her attention, and Isak sees Eva’s name on the caller ID. Vilde gasps sharply, then grins so widely that shows every single one of her teeth and scrunches up her nose. She presses the phone to her chest for a second before taking a deep inhale and closing her eyes - she’s clearly forgotten that Isak is even there, but he’s watching closely, dimly aware that he’s intruding. When she raises the phone to her ear and says Eva’s name, her voice is so timid and sweet that Isak _definitely_ feels like a creeper, actually backing away from her. 

Nope. He wasn’t wrong. _Common interests,_ what an understatement.

And once again, he doesn’t really know how he feels about it. Part of him wants to smile because even though this is _Vilde_ it’s sort of cute, but at the same time, that look of realization she’d had when noticing Even had rocked Isak to his core, and he isn’t at all sure how to act around her now. She doesn’t seem as concerned about her own actions in his presence, which makes him a little jealous. Whatever - he can’t get wrapped up in this right now. He’s got too much other shit to worry about.

Vilde is obviously done with him because she’s walking away without a single glance backward, so Isak exhales and checks his phone for the time - nine minutes till his next class. He takes a moment to adjust his backpack and make sure his phone is definitely back in his pocket (and maybe his eyes slide sideways in Even’s direction just one more time), and he takes all of three steps before his path is completely blocked by someone. Isak’s gaze is focused on the ground so he nearly walks right into-- shit. It’s Emma.

“Hi!” she chirps, as if he hadn’t totally blown her off once already, as if he hadn’t seen her at her locker down the hall from his at least three times since then and very deliberately avoided her. Okay, she probably doesn’t know about that one, but _still._

“Uh, hey.” Isak automatically crosses his arms over his chest, wanting to make it clear that he’s closing himself off from her.

It’s no good - Emma nudges his elbow anyway, and it’s difficult for him not to wince. “Kind of thought I would have heard from you by now,” she says, trying to make her voice sound silky and even a little petulant, and Isak honestly wants to throw up. “Not that I was waiting by the phone or anything, but you know. After what happened at _kosegruppa...”_ She trails off, biting her lower lip seductively. 

_At kosegruppa? You mean, when you wanted to talk to me afterward and I walked away with someone else? Yeah, that was pretty awesome._ As if there is even a choice to be made between her and Even, or a question in his mind at all. Without thinking about it first, he glances over in Even’s direction again and his stomach turns to ice when he sees that Even is looking directly at him. _Watching_ him. Isak can’t bear it for more than a couple of seconds and wrenches his eyes back to Emma, who’s blinking at him impatiently.

He’s staring blankly back at her with no idea what to say, and then history repeats itself: Even is suddenly there at Isak’s elbow.

“Hey, Isak! I was hoping I’d run into you again,” Even says, and just hearing him speak at this particular moment is such a relief to Isak. His fucking _voice._

Isak stutters out a greeting, but Even has already turned to Emma. “Do you mind if I speak to him privately for a minute? It’s kind of sensitive. I’d really appreciate it, thanks so much.” And he actually lays a hand on her arm in consolation, his head tilting patronizingly. It's so passive-aggressive that Isak almost - _almost_ \- feels bad for her. 

She clearly gets it, too, because she sets her jaw, looks silently from Even to Isak and back, and then walks away without another word. 

Isak lets out a deep breath he hadn’t known he was holding, smiling gratefully at Even as he shakes his head. “You saved my ass, okay.”

“I know.” Even’s eyes are sparkling. “I saw a man in need and I am nothing if not a gentleman, so I had to act.”

“I owe you one.” 

“Nah,” Even says, leaning into Isak’s shoulder with his own. “Because I really did want to ask you about something.”

“Oh?” Isak’s heart immediately begins to pound, his brain firing off a dozen possible _somethings_ and more than a couple of them unfit for children.

“Yeah, it’s kind of dumb but I don't really care.” Even laughs, almost at himself, Isak thinks. “Remember when we were talking about those movies I make?” Isak nods, and Even pauses then, looking away from him for a second as if second-guessing this, but his eyes are back on Isak’s almost instantly. “Well, if you want to come over sometime to see some of them, you’re welcome to.”

This was definitely not among those dozen possibles. Isak just stares at him for a moment, incredulous. “Uh, sure,” he says, when he realizes staring like an idiot at a gorgeous guy who’s just invited you to his place is _stupid._ He knows he must be blushing, and the realization makes him blush even _more,_ and shit, Even might just rescind the invitation in a second if Isak doesn’t chill. “Sorry, yeah, that would be great. Really great,” he adds, smiling now. “Yeah, thanks.”

“Friday after school?” Even asks smoothly, as if he does this sort of thing all the time, just waltzes across courtyards and completely upends the lives of unsuspecting people. “I can meet you and we’ll take the tram together.”

“Mhm,” Isak replies, cool as anything, like his heart isn’t about to burst right out of his chest. “I’ll be done at 3:30.”

Even grins at him. “I’m done earlier than that, but I’ll text you.” He’s already pulling out his phone so they can exchange numbers, and Isak hurries to get his own, his fingers trembling slightly as he enters himself as a contact on Even’s. The bell rings then, making them both jump and then chuckle at each other, and Even gives him a little wave as he starts to walk off.

Isak is practically melting on the spot, not giving a single damn about rushing off to class and content to just stand here all day, playing this conversation over and over in his head. He slips his hand into his pocket, around his phone. Vilde has the number of everyone who went to the meeting and Even could have just gotten it from her, but he hadn’t. And now Isak has a date. _A date._

And to think, if he hadn’t stopped to talk to Vilde, it would never have happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While it's not completely written out at this point, it _is_ completely plotted, so hopefully the future chapters will be written smoothly. Expect updates... about... every 7-10 days? Ish? Fingers crossed.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In a parallel universe, the rest of the boy squad actually shows up at the first _kosegruppa_ meeting and Isak stays for the love games. A story in which small changes can make big differences, and the curtains in Isak's room might just be yellow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dude, this one was tough because how does one improve on the perfection that is “Mekke øl”? Answer: one cannot. So I did what I could. Once again, Daf, Eleanor, and CZ are wonderful, and also thanks to Katie this time as well!

He tries to be so cool about it. He really, truly does.

But the word just keeps coming back to him, flashing in screaming blue neon: _DATE._

They’re not just going to hang out, play video games and bullshit around like Isak does with his friends every other day. No, Even _invited_ him over. Explicitly. Over to his place. Alone. To anyone else that would sound like the very definition of hanging out, but to Isak it’s a fucking date, okay, and the last thing he feels about it is cool.

He gets through the rest of Wednesday and most of Thursday with at least the appearance of being a chill person. Sure, he gets sort of sweaty every time that neon sign pops into his brain, but he’s handling it. Then he sees Even as he’s about to leave school on Thursday afternoon. Just from the back and with quite a bit of distance between them, their eyes don’t meet or anything, but it’s enough to send Isak racing to the nearest bathroom to lock himself in a stall and try desperately to just breathe. What the hell is he trying to pull here? He can’t go through with this and he’s an idiot for ever thinking he could.

And he sort of wants to die on Friday morning when he realizes he’s been trying to figure out what to wear for almost 15 minutes, because what he wears to school will be what he wears over to Even’s, and obviously Even’s going to see him in whatever it is, and the very first thing Even had said to him was that he liked Isak’s clothes, and this is a goddamn nightmare, it just is.

(Honestly, if Eskild had still been at home, Isak might have actually resorted to calling him into his room for help picking an outfit, and then he very likely _would_ have died from shame, so it’s better for everyone that Eskild had already left for work.)

The majority of Friday after that is just a complete blur. When he thinks about the day later on, the only thing that stands out to Isak is the text he receives from Even around 11 in the morning: _Still on for 3:30? At the tram stop?_ His fingers shake slightly as he taps out a simple _Yes :)_ in response, and he’s such a bundle of ragged nerves that he almost throws his phone in surprise when Even texts him right back with a matching smile emoji. 

When he tells Jonas, Mahdi, and Magnus after school that he’d rather just head home for the night instead of going out, none of them seem surprised. Isak guesses he’s been acting kind of weird so they assume he feels lousy or something, and it’s nice that they don’t question him. He has no idea how long he’ll end up being at Even’s - he’s fairly certain that he’ll need to just be alone afterward to decompress anyway.

Isak exchanges low-fives all around with the three of them on the corner and heads alone toward the tram stop where he and Even have arranged to meet. He’s very light-headed, and when the tram stop comes into view and he sees that Even is already there, messing with his phone while leaning against the railing, Isak comes very close to tripping over his own feet. 

Somehow he makes it over to Even without faceplanting on the ground, and in spite of his throat being almost completely dry he manages to call out a ‘halla’ when he’s close enough for Even to hear him. Even looks up from his phone at once and grins at him, and Isak has barely had a moment to recover from its dazzling brightness when Even envelopes him in a hug. It’s quick and friendly, but Isak is quite sure the warmth of it will stay with him for weeks.

“Your timing is perfect, look,” Even says, nodding at the approaching tram. Isak’s still a little out of breath from the shock of the hug and can only muster a smile in response.

The tram isn’t full by any means but they both choose to stand anyway, and Even immediately asks him about his day. Isak, slightly tongue-tied, tells him it was fine, and rolls his eyes when Even asks how many assignments he has to do over the weekend. “Right? It’s like they don’t want us to have a social life,” Even says, laughing.

“Seriously,” Isak mumbles, and then spends the next several seconds debating whether or not he should tell Even that he doesn’t have any plans for either tonight or Saturday. He’s still trying to figure out if admitting this would make him sound like a huge loser when Even quietly comments that their conversation is going _great,_ and Isak realizes he’s just standing there completely silent. “Sorry,” he says, feeling himself blush. “What about you, do you have a lot to do as well?”

School’s kind of a boring subject, sure, but Even doesn’t seem to mind and at least they’re _talking_. He brings up the differences in curriculum between Bakka and Nissen, lamenting the reduced number of creative department courses offered at Nissen. Isak is about to ask him why he transferred (and in his final year, to boot) but then Even tells him that his films are on his external hard drive instead of his laptop, which is why he couldn’t just show them to Isak at school. “I’m not about to bring that to school,” he says with a rare serious expression. “It’s way too important to me. If anything happened to it...” He shakes his head, exhaling slowly as he stares at a spot near the floor. 

Their stop is called right at that moment, and Isak follows Even off the tram and down the block to his building, back to mostly just listening as Even rambles about hoping no one is home and that Isak shouldn’t tease him about his messy room. 

The apartment is blissfully empty. Once they enter Even’s bedroom Isak’s eyes dart everywhere, trying to take in as much as possible - and there’s plenty to see. The loft bed, the small sofa underneath it, the two guitars, the _Star Wars_ graphic on the wall... then he lands on the closet doors covered with clippings, and he has to stop there to examine every piece of paper. Behind him, Even is rummaging around and mumbling that he doesn’t know where he put his external, and part of Isak’s brain registers that he doesn’t seem too upset about it, which is a disconnect from what he’d said on the tram about its importance. But he doesn’t think too much about it, since he’s too engrossed in the collection of drawings on the door, all clearly done by the same person, and asks Even if they’re his. When Even says yes, Isak replies that they’re really good and funny. He doesn't know much about art but it's a completely genuine compliment, not just him thinking anything and everything about this boy is amazing. He’s still looking at them as Even thanks him, and he can clearly hear the pride in his voice.

A moment later, he finally pulls his attention away from the clippings when Even says triumphantly, “Here it is!” But it’s not the hard drive Even’s holding up; it’s another joint, not quite as fat as the one they’d shared last week but Isak can’t help grinning at it all the same. “I’ll find my external in a little bit,” Even adds, “Because you’ll probably think they’re better if you watch them while stoned, anyway.”

They settle on opposite ends of the window seat, Even taking up most of the room with his long legs, and Isak has to work hard to not let his own legs bump into them. The dizzying sensation of that hug at the tram stop is still very fresh, and he’s getting those little electric shocks each time they pass the joint back and forth, so adding any more physical contact would likely make him explode.

It’s really good weed, must have come from the same batch as the previous one they’d had, and once again Isak finds himself becoming more relaxed the longer they smoke. However... yeah, it’s sometimes difficult to concentrate on words when Even is sitting there bathed in afternoon sunlight, his eyes made more brilliantly blue and his skin practically glowing. He’s honestly the most gorgeous person Isak has ever seen, either in real life or otherwise, and he thinks about pinching himself several times to make sure he’s really sitting here with such a stunning creature and having a perfectly normal conversation, like they’re somehow equals. 

They talk about school a little more, and movies and music for a while, and then Even asks him about his friends. “Those guys you were talking to after the meeting?” 

“Yeah, that’s my crew,” Isak says proudly, and Even smiles. “There’s Magnus, he’s the blond one. I met him last year but we didn’t really become friends until this past summer. Mahdi was mostly his friend at first but then we all started to hang out when school started this year. That was his weed Sana was holding, by the way. He’s a good guy,” he adds, pausing for a moment. “I like him a lot but we’re still sort of getting to know each other, you know? I can’t always read him.

“And Jonas, the one with the--” Isak raises his bunched-up fingers to his forehead to indicate Jonas’ bushy eyebrows, and Even bursts out laughing, almost choking on the drag he’d just taken, beating his chest with his fist while nodding. Isak starts laughing too, and waits until he’s sure Even isn’t going to keel over on him before continuing. “I’ve known Jonas for... I don’t even know how long. We’ve been best friends for as long as I can remember. I’d basically do anything for him. Lay down in traffic.” He’s not about to elaborate, of course. For now, _best friend_ is as affectionate as he’ll admit to feeling.

“Anyway, they’re all cool. You’d like them.” Isak takes the offered joint from Even and leans back against the wall to put it to his lips. “They’d appreciate this if you’re up to sharing,” he adds, raising the joint slightly before he passes it back.

Even grins. “I don’t know, I’m kind of stingy with it.” Isak’s stupid, crush-crazy heart skips a beat - Even sure doesn’t seem to mind sharing with _him._ But before he can come up with a reply, Even goes on, “Yeah, introduce me sometime. I’ve made a couple of friends so far but nobody I’m dying to hang out with. I kind of lost touch with most of my old friends at Bakka over the summer.” He tilts his head toward the window then, gazing out of it instead of focusing on Isak for once, and Isak frowns when he realizes Even’s expression has become wistful and slightly sad.

Again, he’s about to ask why Even had transferred schools when he notices something out of the corner of his eye - an external hard drive sitting right next to a Macbook on the small table in front of the sofa. “Is that it?” he asks, pointing. 

Even turns to look, and says, “Well, shit,” before looking at Isak again, his face back to sporting its usual sunny smile. “How did I miss that?”

The fucking thing is sitting right in plain sight, and Isak wonders, just briefly and not that seriously, if Even had really missed seeing it at all.

“Come on, this jay is pretty much done anyway,” Even tells him, taking one more hit before holding it out to him. Isak follows suit and stubs the joint out in the ashtray afterward, and then joins Even on the sofa, taking care to leave space between them. 

“Now, I need to warn you,” Even says. “This is some seriously cinematic masterpiece shit here. Like, you should prepare yourself.” Isak has to grin, but quickly bites the inside of his cheek to control it when Even gives him a stern look. “I mean it. People have thrown themselves at my feet, sobbing and wailing, after watching these. I’m used to it by now. So don’t hold back.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” Isak whispers dramatically, and they both finally crack up. 

First Even shows him the finished product of the lovetorn Captain America/Vladimir Putin affair - it’s just as silly as Isak had expected, but the camera work is rather impressive. The next couple are also sort of goofy (with a Barbie in each one for good measure, as if it’s a running gag), but then he starts one that Isak can immediately tell is more serious and dramatic, and it’s also the first he’s seen with actual humans in it instead of more action figures. “This was for one of my final exams,” Even says. The plot isn’t quite clear to Isak - he won’t admit to that, obviously - and he nods slowly and solemnly once it’s over, gesturing for Even to continue.

“You’re not bored yet?” Even asks, sounding honestly surprised.

“What? No!” Okay, that’s not _entirely_ true, but it’s not as though he’s falling asleep. The clips are only five to ten minutes each, after all, and they’re clever and they have really nice cinematography. The best part, though, is that he’s getting a look into the way Even’s mind works - part of what makes him tick, what he’s passionate about. This is a much more effective way than simply talking about it, Isak thinks. “No, they’re good, I like them.”

Even clicks his tongue and places a hand over his heart. “Oh, you like them, you really like them,” he says in a mock-tearful voice, and they both start laughing. 

“Yeah, I mean... I can’t do anything like this,” Isak goes on, waving his hand first at the computer screen and then at Even’s closet doors where his artwork is displayed. “I’m not creative at all. So it’s cool to me that you are.” God, that sounded ridiculous. _Sucks at flirting with boys_ can go on the list right under _zero artistic talent._

But Even seems pleased anyway, bowing his head with a small smile, then he lays a finger on the computer’s touchpad and swirls the cursor around and around playfully. “Okay one more, just one more, which one shall it be... ah.” He clicks another file and nudges Isak’s shoulder. “Another fun one, don’t worry.”

As the clip starts, Isak wonders when the hell Even had moved close enough to him to be able to do that to his shoulder, and truthfully he’s much less focused on the computer and much more on the fact that Even’s whole right side is now pressed to Isak’s left one. He manages to laugh at the right moments somehow, but he’s quite sure his entire body is blushing as red as his face.

“Bravo!” he says loudly when the movie is over, clapping and nodding. Even fakes a look of astonishment, complete with pressing both hands to his cheeks, and then he bows a little at the waist, and it’s so goddamn cute that Isak has to bite his lip to hold back a little whine. He forces himself to focus, though, and quickly says, “Oh, wait, I’m sorry, you were expecting me to grovel at your feet. How rude of me. Just a minute.” He puts one foot on the table in front of them, preparing to push it out of the way, but Even stops him - by actually _putting his hand on Isak’s knee._ Even is laughing so hard that he probably doesn’t notice how much Isak jumps at the contact, and Isak is able to join him in laughter pretty quickly even though his heart is threatening to pound right out of his chest. 

It takes Even a moment to calm down, but he’s still beaming at Isak as he announces, “I’m hungry. I make a damn good cheese toast, want one?” Isak nods with a grateful smile, because _yes,_ God, a change of scenery is badly needed here, and the chance to put some space back between them before he does something he’ll regret.

The kitchen is narrow and as cluttered as the rest of the apartment, and Isak feels strangely _at home_ in it, so much so that he pulls a chair over to rest his feet on and hops up on the counter. Even raises his eyebrows but doesn’t say anything, and just before his face disappears behind the open fridge door Isak can see that he’s smiling.

Even gets them both beers and then proceeds to make a spectacular mess of the cheese; it _crumbles_ more than slices because, as he tells Isak, he’d accidentally left it sitting out all day. Isak couldn’t care less. He’s far more interested in sneaking as many looks at Even’s face as he can, because the light in here is bright and warm and Even is just so. Fucking. Beautiful. And he’s making Isak food. And he gave him a beer. And he wants Isak here. And it’s all real, it’s all really happening.

Somewhere in the middle of Even adding a mildly excessive amount of herbs and spices to their sandwiches, Isak’s phone pings with a text. He tries to ignore it but another one comes through just a few seconds later, so he pulls it out of his pocket. It’s from Jonas, saying they’d found out about a party at Ingrid’s and is Isak sure he’s not up for going out tonight? 

Isak steals another glance at Even, who is now twisting the pepper grinder over the cheese for at least the third time and has the tip of his tongue poking out of the corner of his mouth. It’s too adorable for words. Isak presses his lips together and quickly types out a reply to Jonas:

_No I’m good. Long week and just want to chill. Thanks for asking though. Talk tomorrow._

As he’s sliding his phone back into his pocket, Even asks if Isak thinks they’re ready to go in the oven. “Let’s do it,” Isak smiles, and Even grins back at him.

“While you were texting, I added like half a jar each of both pumpkin spice _and_ garlic salt to yours. As punishment.”

“See, you’ve ruined it now. You could have just let me take a bite and then pointed and laughed at me and been like, ‘That’s what you get for texting during a conversation!’ It would have been the perfect revenge and you’ve ruined it.”

Even is snorting with laughter, and Isak sort of can’t believe he’s making this gorgeous man so _happy?_ Maybe it’s just the beer. Feeling bold, he adds, “Don’t try to win at words with me. I’ll kick your ass every time.”

“Oh, I believe you,” Even replies, going back to the fridge to put away the rest of the cheese and emerging with two more beers. Isak’s only half done with his first one, but he’s certainly not going to turn down a second.

They go back to Even’s room with their toasts and settle down on the floor this time. Isak takes off his snapback, tossing it onto the table on top of the Macbook, and joins Even in staring apprehensively down at his plate. “What all did you put on here again?” he asks.

“I can’t even remember everything,” Even says, sounding just as worried as Isak feels. They look at each other and chuckle, and then Even reaches over to gently sock his fist into Isak’s shoulder. “Come on, let’s be brave.”

They take bites in unison, and of course it’s disgusting. Isak takes a second bite just to be polite and Even lets out a yell, practically knocking the bread out of Isak's hand, and they both collapse with laughter. Isak gropes for his beer bottle, finishes what’s left in one gulp, and grabs the fresh bottle to keep washing the taste of mingled chili pepper and rosemary and - fuck, was that _cinnamon?_ \- out of his mouth. It’s utterly horrible, but he wouldn’t have traded the experience for anything.

Even is insisting that Isak shouldn’t judge his cooking skills on this alone when the doorbell rings - Even looks startled, staring at Isak for a second before closing his eyes. “Fuck, what time is it?” he asks.

Isak checks his phone. “Ten to eight.” Damn, is it really? 

“I totally forgot - some friends are coming over. I’m so sorry, I just blanked out.” The doorbell chimes again, and Even quickly gets to his feet. “Shit, I’m really sorry. You can stay, there’s plenty of beer, and they’re cool people, you’ll like them.” He’s calling the last of this back to Isak as he’s hurrying toward the door, and Isak feels slightly cold, as if the warmth of this afternoon has left the room along with Even.

He takes another swig of beer before standing up and brushing any crumbs from his clothes. He can hear several voices in the foyer and is starting to get a little anxious - will it be obvious to Even’s friends what has been going on here all afternoon?

Three new people come through the living room toward Isak, with Even bringing up the rear and telling everyone to introduce themselves. Isak shakes hands with two of them, smiling nervously, and then - it happens.

“Hi, I’m Sonja, Even’s girlfriend,” the second of the two girls tells him. At first Isak is sure he’s heard wrong. Even doesn’t have a girlfriend. That’s ridiculous, he can’t have a _girlfriend._ His insides have gone ice-cold, though, and he knows his fingers are trembling as he shakes Sonja’s hand, mumbling his own name without meeting her eyes and trying to get Even to meet his, but Even is staring at the floor and is uncharacteristically silent.

Sonja is very beautiful, at least objectively. She gives Isak a warm smile as she slides her arm around Even’s waist - or is it a smug smile? Is that a possessive arm? Yes, it must be. Then she turns all of her attention toward Even and starts rambling about something to do with her job. 

Every part of Isak’s body is completely numb. The beer and those two bites of cheese toast in his stomach have begun churning. This can’t be right. Can’t be happening. Just... _what?_ Like, is he really this stupid? How could he have possibly thought-- God, _obviously_ someone as handsome and charming as Even couldn’t be single. And someone as completely wonderful as Even could never be interested in Isak. This hasn’t been a date at all. He’s such an idiot.

Sonja has both arms around Even’s waist now and is chattering away, and the one somewhat-bright spot in this nauseating situation is that Even’s arms are still by his side. It’s painful to look at his face now, but Isak does it anyway (because he’s a fucking idiot, right?) and it doesn’t seem as though Even is as engaged in their conversation as Sonja is. He’s not really smiling, anyway. But then she reaches up to brush that errant lock of hair away from his forehead and whispers something Isak can’t hear, and Even finally smiles, his eyes crinkling up and his whole body appearing to relax. Isak practically knocks over furniture in his haste to grab his beer bottle because he’s about to puke all over Sonja’s feet.

For the next minute or so he feels like the world’s biggest fifth wheel. Those two are draped all over each other and Even’s other friends are sitting on the sofa under the loft bed showing each other things on their phones. Isak wonders - if he stays perfectly still, could he disappear? Sounds like a fantastic prospect. 

But then Elise calls his name, and when he turns to look at her she’s giving him a sweet smile. “So, you go to Nissen with Even?” she asks, gesturing for him to come closer. He glances over at Even and Sonja - she’s oblivious to Isak, but Even cuts his eyes toward him, and Isak very deliberately looks away, not about to give him the satisfaction.

“Yeah, I do,” he replies to Elise, forcing a smile as he steps toward the sofa. He’s already forgotten the other guy’s name since he’d heard it just before Sonja’s, but he can fake his way through a conversation, no problem. Shit, he’s been doing it for years.

The three of them have been talking for a few minutes when Even finally seems to remember he has other guests besides his _girlfriend_ and wanders over. “Do you guys want a beer?” he asks, and Isak grits his teeth. “Isak, let’s go get you another one,” Even adds, actually having the gall to smile at him.

“I’m good,” Isak tells him, hardly able to look him in the eye.

The expression that comes over Even’s face then is difficult to read - some mix of annoyed, dismayed, and apologetic. “Can you come help me bring some in for the others, then?” he asks. His tone is quite polite but the underlying meaning is clear: _please let me explain in private._

Sonja has left the room, and the others don’t seem to pick up on what’s happening. With a sigh, Isak gets up from the arm of the sofa and follows Even back to the kitchen, and is a little startled when Even immediately whirls to face him.

“I honestly did forget I’d invited them over tonight,” he begins, speaking very quickly. “Otherwise I would have told you; I would have mentioned Sonja to you. I wasn’t trying to hide her or anything.”

Hearing her name out of Even’s mouth again is like an icy knife through Isak’s heart. “Okay,” he says flatly.

“I’m serious. It’s just... things aren’t really going well between her and me lately anyway, and I don’t know how long it’s even going to last. We’ve been growing apart for a while. She’s already graduated so we hardly see each other now, and--” Even squeezes his eyes shut in apparent frustration. “Whatever, there’s a lot of stuff. But we’ve been dating for like four years so it’s not like I can just up and dump her.”

Isak swallows hard. Dump her... and start dating _him?_ Is that what Even had meant? God, of course not - that was the old, stupid Isak coming back for one more foolishly hopeful punch to the gut. He knows better now. “Okay,” he repeats. That’s the only word that feels safe right now.

Even sighs deeply. “Stay, please? We can just get really drunk.” He closes his fingers gently around Isak’s wrist, and part of Isak wants to jerk his hand away while the other half is aching to wrap his other arm around Even’s waist like Sonja had. 

He settles for taking a step backward from Even, who seems to understand and lets go of his wrist. “Nah, I feel like I’m intruding on you and your friends. I’m just gonna go.”

“You’re not at all, though!”

But Isak is draining his beer bottle and shaking his head. “I’m tired. Thanks for--” He gestures with the bottle before setting it awkwardly in the sink. “And the whole afternoon. It was fun. But I’ll see you later.” Now desperate to leave, he turns and starts walking as fast as he can without actually running toward the front door, only to remember that his backpack is still in Even’s room. 

The thought of going back in there is exhausting. “Fuck,” he whispers, standing stock-still in the middle of the living room, debating. But then Even appears again, carrying Isak’s backpack - he’d obviously had the same thought and ducked in to retrieve it for him. And for that kindness, Isak’s anger and hurt clear for the briefest moment. “Thanks,” he says quietly, slinging a strap over his shoulder.

“I’m sorry, again,” Even says.

Enough of this shit. Isak plasters on a smile and shakes his head. “It’s cool, really. Have a good weekend, okay?” He doesn’t wait for Even’s response, just turns abruptly to head back to the foyer. He slides his feet halfway into his shoes, just enough for them to stay on until he can get on the other side of the fucking front door, and does his best not to slam it behind him.

\---------

He’s stuffing notebooks into his locker late Monday morning when one of the very last voices he wants to hear suddenly calls, “Hi Isak!” Vilde. Wonderful. Just what he needs right now.

“Hold this,” he says shortly, not looking at her as he shoves two more notebooks into her hands, intent on getting this stupid locker to shut. 

She seems shocked into silence, at least for a few seconds, and then says, “I tried texting you this weekend but didn’t get any responses. I’m sending out the invites later today, so I wanted to make sure it was okay if we start the pregame on Friday at six?”

The pregame, _fuck._ At first, he’s tempted to snap at her and tell her no, he’s not going to host it, because his roommates don’t want to deal with it or something. He’ll give her any excuse, because he’s mad at the world right now, mad at Even and especially at himself, and he’s completely not keen on the idea of Even bringing his beautiful girlfriend to the pregame and having to watch the two of them slobbering all over each other in his living room.

But he did promise Vilde already that he would do it. And when he finally snaps the lock shut on the locker door and looks over at her, he doesn’t see her as the annoyingly perky princess anymore. It’s because of her that he met Even in the first place, and in spite of everything that’s happened since then, he’s grateful to her for it. “Sure,” he says with a small sigh, and smiles at her. “Six would be fine.”

She smiles brightly at him. “Awesome! Really, I was just checking the time with you because I already spoke to Eskild and he said six was fine, too. And can you do me a favor and see if you can get Linn to join in? She needs to socialize more or her depression will just get worse, and I’d hate to see that happen to her.”

“No problem.” Linn has actually been doing fine lately, but he’s not going to get into it, because he can see that Vilde means well. “Do you have an idea yet how many it will be?”

“Hmm, no, not really. But I’m hoping at least as many as came to the meeting. Oh, except for one of the first years, Emma. She sent me a text over the weekend saying she was going to switch to the PR group. Her friends are staying with _kosegruppa,_ though!”

For the first time since Friday evening, Isak feels his load lighten somewhat. At least he won’t have to worry about fending Emma off anymore. Thank goodness, because he really doesn’t know how much more awkward it could get between the two of them.

He just nods at Vilde, though. “Okay. So it’ll be a good number, most likely.”

“Yes! Plus people will probably bring guests... that’s okay, right?”

Yeah, guests like stupid _girlfriends._ “Right.”

Vilde breathes what seems to be a sigh of relief. “Thank you so much. I’ve been stressing about this like you wouldn’t believe. Why didn’t you text me back?”

He just looks at her for a moment, not wanting to lie to her but not sure how to tell the truth, either. A summary will do, he guesses. “Sorry, I just had a bad weekend. Didn’t really feel like talking to anyone.”

“Oh.” She takes a quick (yet still totally obvious) glance around to make sure no one is too close by, then takes a step nearer to him. Isak’s usual instinct would be to take two steps back, but for some reason, he doesn’t move. “Relationship trouble?” she whispers, looking directly into his eyes.

His belly does a painful backflip and he swallows hard. Just like the other day in the courtyard, he knows she means much more than what she’d said out loud. It had nearly terrified him then. Today though... she’s staring at him with what he takes at first for pity, and he frowns at her, but then she gives him a very small nod, her lips pressed in a tight line, and he realizes it’s actually an expression of _empathy._ He doesn’t know how he knows, or where this sudden mind-melding between them came from, but it’s plain as day to him. They’re completely on the same page.

Isak lets out a shaky breath and says quietly, “Something like that.” She nods again and holds out the notebooks he’d shoved at her, and as he takes them, she lays her other hand on his arm. Ordinarily he would flinch back from such a touch, but right now it’s welcome. “How are you doing, Vilde?”

She drops her eyes, smiles ruefully, and shrugs. “Oh, I’m getting by,” she replies, and gives his arm a gentle squeeze before letting go. “See you later, okay?” 

He nods, then turns his head to watch her go, chewing at his lower lip. He doesn’t really know what just happened, but his heart feels lighter than it has in days.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In a parallel universe, the rest of the boy squad actually shows up at the first _kosegruppa_ meeting and Isak stays for the love games. A story in which small changes can make big differences, and the curtains in Isak's room might just be yellow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So [Daf](http://josteninski.tumblr.com) is an actual angel for holding my hand through this entire beast of a chapter and [CZ](http://adamparishe.tumblr.com) is the wisest of them all. So much love for these ladies!

It’s been fifteen minutes and Isak has already asked himself why he’s here at least six times. Watching these girls dance is doing absolutely nothing for him. He could be studying, or taking a quick nap, or playing a game on his phone for fuck’s sake. Any one of these activities would be more entertaining than this.

Of course objectively... he _does_ know why he’s there. 

So he’d come quietly along, wearing a tight-lipped smile, and right now he’s doing his best to not let his eyes totally glaze over.

When the girls are finally finished, the third year guy who’s supervising the dance auditions turns to Isak and his friends to say, “Show’s over, boys,” at which Isak immediately rolls his eyes. Magnus and Mahdi haven’t even heard him; they’re already groaning in appreciation over the girls’ performance. Jonas is quiet though, and Isak thinks about making a comment on the guy’s obvious gayness so Jonas would hopefully laugh and agree with him.

But he’s just... he’s tired. He’s still bitter about Even having a girlfriend and pissed at himself for being so stupid as to think anything could happen between him and Even. At the rate he’s going, making a snotty crack like that would probably backfire on him. So he just exchanges a look with Jonas and the two of them shake their heads in silent amusement over Mahdi and Magnus, who are both practically drooling at this point. Isak leans down to put his head between them and says quietly, “The girls are gone. They can’t hear you.”

“Yeah? What’s your point?” Mahdi asks.

“If you want to hit on them then _go hit on them._ Don’t just sit here talking about doing it.” 

Magnus swivels his head to stare back at Isak in horror. “Those girls are out of even _your_ league, okay? It’s all a complete fantasy. So just let us sit here and enjoy it.”

Isak snorts. “I could get them if I wanted to.” God, it hurts to say, hurts to even think it, but he has to keep this up. For a little while longer, just a little while.

The others roll their eyes and start hissing and booing at him - Magnus even punches his leg - and Isak is laughing through the pain, he’s fine, okay, he’s totally got this. But all four of them stop talking at once when Even appears out of nowhere _(again)_ to stand directly in front of them. “What’s up?” he says, smiling around at them all, and Magnus, Mahdi, and Jonas immediately let out little sounds of recognition, greeting him back with enthusiasm.

But Isak... Isak can’t even breathe, he can’t fucking-- it’s the first time he’s seen him since last Friday and he thought he was getting over it, getting over _him,_ he was _so sure,_ but Even’s back now, he’s right there in front of him, tall and beautiful as ever and Isak can’t take it. He can’t take Even being this close to him, can’t take him slapping fives with his friends, can’t take him grinning like nothing at all could possibly be wrong, he just. Can’t take it. 

This is what he gets for lying just a minute ago. Eva had been right last year when she’d said karma was a bitch. 

He’s vaguely aware that his friends and Even are introducing themselves - Even is pretending not to remember their names after Isak had told him, which is one small thing to be grateful for, he supposes. And then he can feel Even’s eyes on him and looks up to meet them against his will. “Hey, Isak,” Even says, sounding so genial and warm, and Isak wants to scream. 

“You, uh--” Even continues, and he’s taking off the red snapback Isak has just now noticed he was wearing, and before Isak can fully process that thought Even is tossing the hat to him. “You forgot this on Friday.”

Isak just stares up at him, aghast. 

“It’s yours, right?”

“Pretty sure it’s actually mine,” comes Jonas’ voice from his left, strangely muffled.

Then Magnus asks, “Forgot where?”

Isak flicks his eyes down to him and immediately back up to Even, his lips parted in fear, silently begging now. _Don’t say it, I’ll do anything, just don’t tell them._

And Even just shrugs. “In the cafeteria. I saw it on the table after you guys left.”

Magnus takes this and runs with it, cackling at Isak, and Even and Mahdi join in good-naturedly. Isak is practically limp with relief; he doesn’t give a shit if they’re all dragging him right now, because at least it’s not what they _could_ be dragging him for, right? He keeps staring at Even, unconsciously rubbing the brim of the snapback against his neck (how long had Even been wearing it? Does it smell like his hair now?). 

And when Even’s eyes meet his again their wordless communication is as clear as it was a moment ago - Even completely understands, and Isak, confused as he is about everything else, appreciates it. 

“Oh hey, Even, you’re coming to the pregame on Friday, right?” Magnus asks, and it snaps Isak back to attention.

Even looks from him to Magnus and back a few times, his mouth slightly open in a hesitant smile, and says, “Yeah, I think so? I got an invitation, so I guess I’m welcome.”

It’s directed at Isak, of course. Because the pregame is at his place. Even is actually asking his permission. Asking for forgiveness. 

And when it comes down to it, Isak doesn’t really know what to say. He still feels like a complete idiot and has no idea what’s really going on anymore or what to think. But they’re all waiting for his response, so he replies with the most neutral answer he can think of.

“Starts at six,” he says, giving Even a small nod. He notices Even’s smile dim and awkwardly casts his eyes away, because fuck if he’s going to be made to feel guilty for any of this. Magnus extends his hand toward Even, and Even’s smile widens into that brilliant one Isak adores as he clasps it.

“See you there, then,” Even says to the group at large, but his eyes linger on Isak’s for a few more precious seconds before he leaves. Pissed as he is, Isak can’t resist watching him walk away - and realizes that it’s doing much more for him than watching those dance chicks ever could. 

\---------

“I just don’t get why it has to have a _theme,_ ” Isak whines. Yes, he’s definitely whining. Vilde, Sana, and Eva have been in his apartment for half an hour already getting everything ready and people won’t even be arriving for the pregame for at least another 45 minutes. His nerves are shot over the prospect of Even getting here, so he doesn’t need this added stress. “Tell me why party themes are a thing, Eva.”

“Because Vilde wants it,” Eva replies absently, taking a step back from the bathroom mirror to check her makeup. She’s painted green stripes on her cheeks and a pink one down her forehead, and Isak thinks she just looks silly. “Anyway,” she adds, looking directly at him. “It’s _fun._ Remember fun, Isak? You used to know what it was.”

He grumbles something under his breath. “Huh?” she says, and cups her hand around her ear. “I can’t hear you.” Then she puts a hand on either side of her mouth to create a megaphone. “I’m too busy anticipating the _fun_ we’ll all be having soon.” Eva starts to giggle then, and Isak knows the gleam in her eyes well - he’s already backing away, trying to protest, but he bumps into the doorframe and she catches up to him, tickling his sides mercilessly. “Fun! Have fun! Live! Don’t be such a grouch!” 

They’re both laughing now and Isak is-- okay, not really trying that hard to get away, because he’s not terribly ticklish anyway and fuck, he’s _missed_ Eva. Still grinning, he slumps against the wall once she finally pulls her hands away, both of them a bit breathless. “Okay, fine,” he says, waving a hand at the makeup kit she’s left on the sink. “Go ahead and put something on me. Don’t go overboard!” he warns, pointing a finger in her face when she lets out an excited gasp.

“I won’t, I won’t,” she assures him, pulling him by the hand over to the sink. After a moment of debate, she’s spreading some sort of hot pink paint over his cheekbones. “You look so cute,” she murmurs, now raking her fingers through his hair to smooth it back down after her tickle attack. “Okay, that’s all. I could put false lashes on you or something, so be grateful.”

Isak dares to look in the mirror and is pleasantly surprised - it’s not an awful look, really. He thanks Eva quietly and watches her toss makeup items back into the bag, then asks, “Is Christoffer coming tonight?”

“What? No.” She gives him a skeptical smile and adds, “Why would he? He's graduated.”

“I know, but you could have invited him as a guest.”

She’s studying her reflection again, now fussing with her hair. “Didn’t feel like it. Ugh, I don’t even know if we’re dating or what. Don’t know if I really want to date him. He’s just nice to make out with sometimes.” She catches Isak’s eye in the mirror and winks at him. “Are you sure you don’t want some sort of accessory?” she asks, pointing to the bright yellow bow she’s tied in her hair. “I know Vilde’s got plenty of stuff.”

“This is my apartment and I can still kick you out,” he deadpans, then ruins it by chuckling. “Okay, so you’re here alone tonight, and so am I. Let’s be each other’s dates.”

Eva narrows her eyes at him, a smile pulling at the corners of her mouth. “Okay?” she replies. “Why, though?” 

“Just because. It’s been a long time since we hung out and I’m all stressed about shit and I need a friend tonight.” It had come out sounding more serious than he’d intended and he drops his eyes to the floor, hoping she’s still messing with her hair and hasn’t really noticed, but a moment later her fingertips have tucked under his chin, lifting it. Meeting Eva’s eyes is still difficult for him sometimes, but this isn’t one of them. “What?”

“What do you mean, ‘what’?” she asks softly, brushing a thumb against his cheek. She’s frowning a little, staring hard at him. “Why are you stressed?”

He nearly just tells her then and there. Nearly spills it all out. They’ve got time before people starting getting there; they can just shut the bathroom door and he can unload all of it on her, tell her absolutely everything - from the very beginning, Jonas and all - and then maybe he’d be able to breathe at last. He actually opens his mouth, but he doesn’t know how to start, doesn’t have a clue. He never does. 

So he just lets out a deep sigh and shakes his head. “Nothing. It’s-- some other time.” Isak attempts a smile, and then gently pulls her hand away from his face so he can press a kiss to the back of it. “Tonight’s about having fun, remember?”

As if on cue, Vilde suddenly appears in the bathroom doorway and announces, “Okay Eva, my turn! Out, Isak, out. Get out.” She’s actually shoving at him, grunting as she pushes him into the hall, and Isak glares at Eva as if to say, _a little help, please?_ But Eva is just giggling again, standing well out of the way with her hands behind her back. “Eva’s going to make me look pretty, leave us alone!” Vilde insists, and he puts up his hands, giving Eva a sad little wave with one of them.

Vilde appears ready to close the door in Isak’s face but pauses to allow their eyes to meet, and hers are positively shimmering with excitement. She rolls them back toward Eva significantly and then focuses on him again, pressing her lips together in a clear effort to hold back a squeal of joy. Isak isn’t at all surprised by now to find that he understands completely. He gives her a quick half-smile, a thumbs-up, and a wink, and after Vilde shuts the door he wanders off to find Eskild - he wants to see if he’s really planning to wear that pink wig tonight like he threatened earlier.

\---------

It’s after seven o’clock already and Even hasn’t showed.

Every time the doorbell rings Isak’s heart begins to pound and he jerks his head toward the door - doesn’t matter who he’s talking to or what else is going on. Sana gets completely fed up with him when it happens three times during a five-minute conversation and stalks away from him, rolling her eyes and muttering to herself. He feels bad for about half a second, and then the doorbell rings again and the process starts all over. But it’s never Even standing there when the door opens.

There are, however, a ton of people in the apartment now, way more than Isak had expected to be there. Nearly everyone in _kosegruppa_ has brought along at least one friend and the whole place is a blur of bright yellow and pink. At one point he pulls Eskild aside (doing his best to ignore that pink wig) and asks if he thinks their neighbors will get pissed, but Eskild just cackles at him and hands him another beer.

That’s the other thing - Isak is so nervous that he hasn’t really been paying attention to how much he’s been drinking. Five beers? Maybe six? He’d even taken a couple of swigs from the bottle of wine Vilde is pounding in between her duties as unofficial hostess. So it’s safe to say that he’s at least half-drunk, but it’s not really helping with his nerves so he’s still horribly keyed up, so he just keeps drinking, and that’s a pretty unfortunate state to be in.

Eva’s been keeping her eye on him, though, and he loves her for it. The best part is that she’s not scolding him for drinking so much - shit, she’s encouraging it. They’re sprawled on one of the sofas along with Jonas and Vilde, and Isak is _trying_ to tell the story of how he and Christoffer had teamed up to organize that fight last year but he keeps getting distracted by Eva’s wildly emotional color commentary about how scared she’d been that he and Jonas were going to ruin their faces by getting punched. Vilde is giggling like crazy at every sound out of Eva’s mouth, hanging on her arm (and stroking it, Isak is pretty sure), and Jonas just keeps shaking his head at all of them. 

“I did it for you, you know!” Isak practically yells at him, because the music and chatter is so fucking _loud_ now. “For _you._ I’d-- I’d lay down in traffic for you, do you know that?” Jonas first looks alarmed then rather flattered, and he slings an arm around Isak's shoulder to give him a little squeeze, mumbling thanks. But Isak hardly notices, since he's just reminded himself of the other day when he’d said the same exact thing to Even, to stupid gorgeous Even, who’d promised he was coming _but isn’t here yet_ and is the reason Isak is so sad and wasted right now, no matter that he’s surrounded by his friends. 

The doorbell rings yet again and Vilde clambers to her feet with Jonas’ help. Sana is already there to answer it but Vilde takes her hostess position seriously, okay. Isak and Eva watch with growing amusement as the two of them argue over which one of them actually gets to open the door, while Jonas’ head whips from one to the other like he’s watching a tennis match. Meanwhile, the bell has rung again, and Eva hollers, “Just somebody fucking open it already!” and she and Isak collapse into giggles. 

This is why he’s distracted when it’s finally, _finally_ Even on the other side of the door. Eva is petting his face and arms while sighing out the end of her laughing fit, so it’s Vilde’s excited “Hi!” cutting through the noise that makes Isak look up.

Seeing Even in this moment, in a tight white t-shirt and a neon yellow bandana tied around his forehead like some goddamn aerobics instructor from the 80s, is a shock to every part of Isak’s system. He actually shivers, which doesn’t make any sense because he suddenly feels hot all over. His clothes itch and he’s positive that his hair looks really stupid and he's got pink paint on his face, who the fuck thought _that_ was a good idea? And Even is there, and then Even is _looking directly at him,_ and Isak barely registers that Sonja is at his side because everything, _everything,_ narrows down to that electric connection of Even’s eyes with his own, staring right into his fucking soul, almost, and all at once Isak feels stripped bare, as if Even can see and understand absolutely everything about him, things even Isak himself doesn’t know are there.

Fuck, he’s drunk. 

And Eva is still touching his arm. 

Eva’s a girl. He’s a boy. It’s only natural. 

He's so far gone that he’s actually on the verge of just leaning in and kissing her to prove to every single person in this apartment that he is _not_ attracted to Even, especially Even himself. He nearly does it, nearly ruins everything, but thankfully he’s saved by Magnus dropping onto the sofa beside him. 

“Fuck, Vilde looks cute tonight, doesn’t she?” he asks, and the spell is blissfully broken. “Just look at her. With that little twinkly crown.” 

With some effort, Isak tries to focus on her, but what he really notices is that she appears to be listening very intently to Sonja. “What a fucking princess,” Magnus continues, and Isak cringes. He also senses Eva bristling beside him and glances sideways at her - she’s staring past Isak at Magnus with dangerously narrowed eyes.

“She sure does, mhm,” Isak blurts out, wanting to delay whatever Eva might be thinking of doing. 

“Do you still think I have a shot with her?” Magnus asks him, and yes, Eva is definitely gearing up for some sort of retort; she’s tensed up so much that Isak puts a warning hand on her knee without even looking at her or thinking about it. She relaxes at his touch, but only a little. 

Isak clears his throat and says, “Honestly? I didn’t want to tell you this, Mags, but I heard she’s got a huge crush on somebody.” Part of him wants to give Eva’s knee a little squeeze, as if to say _and guess who it is?_ But it’s not his place to do so, not at all. “I mean, you could still try, I guess, but don’t get your hopes up or anything.”

Magnus flops into the back of the sofa, actually pouting a little. “Shit,” he mumbles, still staring at Vilde, who in turn is still, very curiously, engaged in conversation with Sonja. Even is nowhere to be seen, but Isak is too intrigued by the girls at the moment to really care. He can’t tell what they’re talking about from Vilde’s expression, but she does glance over at him and widen her eyes, tilting her head toward Sonja just enough for him to notice. The fuck?

But he’s distracted by Even’s sudden reappearance (seriously, how the hell does he keep doing that) and instantly takes his hand off Eva’s knee when Even sits down on her other side. “Are we bonding over here?” he asks, and both Eva and Magnus make happy exclamations of greeting. Eva actually flings her arms around Even’s neck, apparently quite over being ready to punch Magnus’ lights out. 

“So glad you’re here, man,” Magnus says with a grin, extending his hand toward Even and digging his arm rather painfully into Isak’s chest in the process. 

Even does shake his hand, but his next words are to Isak. “Nice place,” he says, reaching behind Eva to squeeze Isak’s shoulder. Isak isn’t sure if he wants to shrink from his touch or push Eva out of the way to be closer to him. 

“Oh, this place is so great,” Magnus gushes, and Eva nods, humming in agreement. She’s staring blankly in front of them, though, so Isak’s not really sure how much she’s actually listening. “Isak scored big-time moving in here. Have you met his roommates yet?” Magnus starts looking around and then points out Eskild to Even. “That’s Eskild. Have you met him yet?”

“Uh, no, I haven’t,” Even replies. 

“He’s gay, but he’s pretty awesome.” Isak is so used to Magnus being blunt that he hardly bats an eyelash, although hearing it does hurt. “Like, he never tries to hit on us when we come over here,” Magnus goes on, and now Isak is clenching his jaw, willing him to _just stop talking._

Even scoffs quietly. “Well, why would he?” he asks. “Don’t get me wrong, you’re a handsome guy and everything, but I don’t really understand.” 

Each of them have completely different reactions: Eva lets out a snort, Isak looks at him in real surprise, and Magnus doesn’t seem to know if he’s insulted or not, stammering for a moment before finally saying, “Just... you know, he’s gay. And I’m a guy, and Jonas and Mahdi are guys. And all of us are good-looking.”

“Isak’s good-looking too, isn’t he?” Even asks, smiling. Their eyes meet for a split second before Isak has to look away, actually glad for this silly pink paint since it’s hiding his blush. 

“Well yeah, sure he is.”

“And he lives here, so do you think Eskild hits on him every day?”

Isak scoffs, shaking his head and hoping desperately that no one can hear how loud his heart is beating. It gets even worse when Magnus leans almost all the way across his lap to answer Even. “I don’t get what you’re trying to tell me,” he says seriously.

Eva snorts again, mumbling, “I can’t witness any more of this.” She digs her palms into Isak’s left leg and Even’s right one in her effort to stand up, and Isak instinctively puts a hand on her hip to make sure she doesn’t fall. 

And it absolutely does not escape his attention that Even scoots closer to him once she’s gone.

“I’m saying,” Even says patiently, “That not every gay man hits on any good-looking guy they encounter. I would guess that most of them don’t, actually. And the same goes for gay girls. That’s a generalization, and a pretty harmful one.”

His tone is very kind, and Isak just stares at him in awe for a second, unable to help himself. He isn’t quite sure what he should think but he knows that Even is trying to be helpful instead of accusatory, which in itself is sort of incredible. 

Magnus, however, appears even more confused than before. “I mean, I’m straight, and I want to hit on every hot chick I see. So I just assumed it was the same for gay guys.”

Every time the word ‘gay’ has come out of either of their mouths Isak has had to fight the urge to wince, positive that they’ll be able to see right through him. They’ll glance at him while saying it and something in their brains will make the connection, and it’ll all be over. While it’s true that Eskild is a perfect gentleman around his friends, Isak is uncomfortable every time they’re all together because he’s always just waiting for someone to point out how _gay_ Eskild is; that eventually they’ll all see a similarity between Eskild and himself.

So he tries to make himself as small as possible, which would be much easier if he weren’t sitting between Even and Magnus right now. They’re looking right at each other so of course Isak is directly in their line of sight - and with bright pink paint on his cheeks like fucking targets. He badly wishes he had another beer to help wash the bitter taste from his throat, although that wouldn’t get rid of it entirely.

He can feel Even’s eyes on him now. God, does it show? He knows he’s tensed up and Even’s so close to him, he can probably feel it. Isak nearly jumps out of his own skin when Even touches his arm very gently, _so sure_ that Magnus had seen it.

“Hey,” Even says, now reaching behind Isak to lay his hand on Magnus’ shoulder. “You just said it - you _want_ to hit on every pretty girl, but you don’t, do you?”

“No, that would be creepy.”

“There you go, then. Gay guys don’t either, because it would be creepy.”

Isak dares to glance over at Magnus, who’s smiling and has obviously had his light bulb moment at last. “Oh fuck, I totally get it now! Thank you, seriously.” But he doesn’t give Even a chance to reply before adding, “Wait, does this mean bisexual people want to hit on _every_ hot person?” 

_Jesus._ Isak steals a glance at Even to gauge his reaction and fuck, Even’s looking directly at him. His eyes are gentle and sparkling, his mouth soft, everything about him just so inviting and somehow _right._ Flustered, Isak immediately looks down at his hands, blushing all the way down to his _toes,_ probably. It actually takes Even a few seconds to acknowledge Magnus’ question at all; he chuckles a little, almost as if it’s an afterthought, and says, “Some probably do, I guess.” Then he leans very close to Isak, and whispers right into his ear, “Not all of us, though, not me.”

And before Isak can even fully comprehend what’s happened, Even has already moved on, asking Magnus to go get a beer with him and introduce him to Eskild. They stand up without another word to Isak, although Even does glance back at him with a tiny smile. 

Isak couldn’t have joined them even if he’d wanted to - he’s just sitting there _reeling._ How could one person possibly leave him so breathless? He can still feel the warm brush of Even’s lips against his ear; he doesn’t know if Even had meant to do it or not but he’ll remember the sensation until the day he dies. He’ll remember it, and he’ll hear Even’s voice murmuring to him - hopeful and tremulous, all in a rush, like he’d been waiting to say it for days and just had to get it out before he lost his nerve. 

But it couldn't have been genuine, could it?

No. No, of course not. It's the alcohol making him see and feel stuff that's not there, building things up in his head to hold onto for later because they're sure not going to be happening for real, like, ever. Not to him. 

And you know, shit - he can’t tell if he’s jealous or just really impressed that Even has the confidence to label himself. Isak knows he’s gay, but he doesn’t know if he can handle everything that comes with it - he’s not Eskild, and he’s not that guy from the dance chicks’ audition the other day. He doesn’t know what he is, but it’s not that.

He’s almost completely forgotten the party happening around him (it’s moved past being just a pregame now; people are too settled right here) and is ready to just sit on the sofa alone for a while, sulking. Of course even that can’t go right for him - Vilde plops down beside him, wine bottle back in her hand and a tense expression on her face.

“I just needed to tell you,” she says, not looking at him. “That I’ve done an evaluation of Sonja and I don’t like her.”

This is so out of the blue that Isak just looks over at her, mouth open, for almost ten seconds before saying slowly, “Okay... thanks?”

“I’m completely serious. She seems very possessive of Even and that’s obviously not a good way to be, not a sign of a healthy relationship.” She glances sideways at him, then takes a drink from her bottle and passes it to him silently. Isak accepts it from her but doesn’t drink - he doesn’t want anything else clouding his judgment, especially for this conversation.

“I was shocked to meet her in the first place,” Vilde adds, turning her head toward him at last. She’s very close, but Isak doesn’t move away. Her voice is lower when she says, “That he brought her at all, I mean. That he--” But she breaks off there, seeming to rethink what she’d been about to say and clearing her throat. Then she frowns down at the wine bottle just sitting on Isak’s leg and takes it back from him for another swig. “Anyway. Just letting you know.” 

Bemused, Isak starts to just say thanks again but she leans even closer, putting her lips right against his ear. “I’m on your side,” she whispers, then pulls back to give him the sweetest, most sincere smile. 

Isak can only stare at her, half-fearful and half on the verge of grateful tears, and finally just nods. Vilde nods back, still smiling, and nudges his leg. “Eva told me to tell you she’s demanding that you dance with her, so come on.”

“Oh God, no,” Isak mumbles, but he’s already grinning, and pretends to resist when Vilde tries to pull him out of his seat. 

He _hates_ dancing. He’s terrible at it and clumsy anyway, avoids it at all costs. But when Vilde drags him over to Eva and Chris, and they scream drunken hellos and both embrace him at once... yes, this is exactly what he needs right now. He snags another beer and clinks the can with Vilde’s wine bottle, ready to lose himself for a while.

\---------

Someone had turned off the overhead lights more than two hours ago and left the living room bathed in cool blue from the colored bulbs Eskild and Sana had placed in all of their lamps. There’s far less garish neon dotted around the room to interfere with the calming ambiance because the apartment is half-empty now. A few people had actually gone to the revue party, but most had been too out of it to make it there. It’s nearly midnight - early by their usual Friday night standards - and the dedicated few who are still here have no intention of leaving anytime soon.

Even hasn’t left yet, but Sonja has. Isak had overheard her telling Vilde that she had to work early, and as she and Even had shared a kiss goodbye Vilde had caught his eye, rolling her own at the two of them. 

Isak hadn’t minded that kiss, though. It had been chaste compared to the ones he’d witnessed between them a while earlier, when the whole crowd had been drunk and dancing like idiots and the music had been its loudest, feeling as though it was thrumming through his veins instead of out of the speakers. 

Eva had been pressed to him, dancing with her back against his chest, both arms over her head and stroking his face and neck, wasted out of her damn mind. By then, Isak’s main purpose had been simply to hold her upright while making sure she didn’t poke her fingers up his nose or into his eyes. He’d been watching everyone else - or trying to tell himself so, because his eyes kept straying to Even and Sonja only a few feet away, making out while moving seamlessly together like they’d obviously been doing for years. Isak had tightened his arms around Eva, craving her warmth and familiarity to stem the jealousy coursing through him and she’d laughed, hugging him backward around his neck and tipping her head back to gaze up at him. He’d smiled right back down at her, and had she been any other girl, he would have kissed her just to prove he could.

And when he’d looked back up at Even, it was to find Even’s eyes already locked on him. Again. Isak had felt that same electric shock he’d experienced when Even arrived at the party but so much stronger this time, because Sonja had been kissing over Even’s cheeks and down his neck but it seemed as though he hardly noticed her - as though she were merely a prop, just a pretty pawn he’d brought along tonight to test Isak’s envy. Even’s stare had sent a crystal clear message straight to Isak’s very core: _Do you want this? Do you wish you were her? Because I do._

And now, she’s gone. Even’s there at his apartment all alone. The only thing standing in their way is Isak himself.

Eva’s nearly passed out beside him, her head lolling on his shoulder, and Vilde is practically curled up in her lap. A dozen or so other people are strewn about the living room, but Isak only cares about the location of one of them.

Numerous conversations buzz around him but no one is speaking directly to him, which suits him just fine. It leaves him free to listen to Even discussing... something... about film theory with Jonas and Mahdi on the other sofa. Okay, so he’s not really listening, but he is definitely watching every impassioned smile, every tiny movement of Even’s fingers, every _everything,_ and he barely cares if someone notices. He doubts anyone would; most of them are half-asleep or still half-drunk, and the lighting is low. He’s safe. 

But he really, really has to pee. And he needs a drink of water. Is it worth missing two minutes of Even? Yes, he thinks he can live. So Isak rolls his shoulder up gently to get Eva to move - she groans softly and glares at him, but shifts her body enough to allow him to get up. Before he goes he plants a quick kiss on the top of her head, just so she’ll be smiling when he leaves the room.

In the bathroom mirror he sees that either the pink stripes on his cheeks have barely smudged at all, or Even’s stares tonight have given his face a permanent blush. The latter is perfectly plausible to him at this point.

As he walks back through the living room he catches Even’s eye without even trying and just as quickly looks away, nearly sprinting the rest of the way to the kitchen. But he can still feel Even’s eyes on his back, can feel them all the way through the wall, and his heart pounds as he gulps a full glass of water at the sink. 

If Even doesn’t follow him, he’ll just sleep in here on the floor instead of facing him back in the living room, fuck it. 

And if Even _does_ follow him...

Hands shaking, Isak refills his glass and tries to breathe normally. He’s counting the seconds now. Ten, fifteen, twenty. Thirty. He’s still alone.

A minute.

And he’s still a fool.

He sets the glass in the sink much harder than necessary, almost hard enough to shatter it, muttering to himself. Then he feels a warm, gentle hand on his shoulder, and his breath catches. He knows that touch.

“Did it break?”

 _My heart? Almost._ “No, it’s fine,” Isak replies, quickly blinking back tears and smiling over at Even, who’s leaning against the counter a respectful distance away. The business with the glass must have covered the sound of him entering the kitchen - what timing. “I’m still kind of drunk, I guess.”

“You seem to be walking just fine?” Even says lightly.

Isak shrugs. “Shitty hand-eye coordination, though.”

Even just hums, glancing over at the glass Isak had dropped, and starts to run his fingertip around its rim. “I guess that means the best time to challenge you at FIFA is after you’ve had a few?” 

“Listen, don’t even joke about it. I’m the best FIFA player around, ask anybody.”

“Even when you’re drunk?”

“Even when I’m drunk. Want to play right now? It’s in my room, let’s go.” 

Laughing, Even shakes his head and says softly, “No, I believe you. We’d have to walk back through the living room, and people would wonder why we went to your room and shut the door.”

Isak comes so close to whispering _let them,_ but he reins himself in and clears his throat instead. His eyes land on Even’s finger still circling the rim of the glass. “Did you come in here for water, too? You can use my glass.” 

“Ah, no. No, I wanted to ask you about something.” Even’s voice is hushed and Isak can hear more than a hint of nervousness in it, which sends his heart rate skyrocketing again. 

“O-okay.”

Even takes a hesitant step closer, sliding his body along the edge of the counter. “You and Eva. What--” He interrupts himself with a soft, shaky laugh, and asks, “What’s that about?”

Honestly puzzled, Isak just narrows his eyes at him. He’s not serious, right?

“You guys seem really close... tonight. I mean, that’s what it looked like to me. She hardly left your side.”

“We _are_ close. We’ve been good friends since like seventh grade.” Is this what he thinks it is? Does Even really think... “She’s like a sister to me,” Isak quickly adds, and immediately banishes all thought of almost kissing her earlier tonight from his mind, like, _forever._

Even seems to relax a little, his eyes softening and the corners of his mouth turning up in a genuine smile. “What, so you never thought about it?”

“With Eva?” Isak scoffs and rolls his eyes, and tries very hard not to react to Even sliding closer still. 

“She’s cute!”

“She dated Jonas for months,” Isak replies dryly. “So... no. Never.” 

“Okay. Good to know.” Even’s hip is nearly grazing Isak’s now, and suddenly the nerves are back. He’s close enough for Isak to feel the heat from his body, to count the freckles on his face. It’s too much, yet not nearly, _not nearly_ enough. “And just so I’m clear, there’s no one else at this party you’re interested in?” Even continues. His gaze drops to Isak’s lips for just a second, just enough to be noticed. “No other cute girls?”

Isak swallows hard, gripping the edge of the counter so his buckling knees don’t collapse out from under him. “No other cute girls.” He doesn’t have to answer the first question out loud - he knows it’s written all over his face. Even can see everything, feel everything, because Isak can’t hold anything back now. He doesn’t want to.

“Thank God,” Even whispers, and his hand is on Isak’s hip, fingers curling sweetly around it, drawing him in so slowly, giving Isak the chance to pull back if he wants. He’s leaning in, Isak’s whole field of vision is filled with Even’s beautiful face, with his eyes, nearly shut now, and Isak’s slip closed too, and he can feel Even’s warm breath on his cheek, it’s so real, this is _so real--_

“Isaaaaaak!” 

Isak yanks backward, his butt banging into the stove, and looks wildly around the kitchen, but it's still just the two of them. 

“Miss you buddy, come baaaaack!” From the living room. Thank fuck, it came from the living room. 

Even so, Isak's mouth is agape as he stares at Even in horror, his heart nearly thundering right out of his chest. “That-- that was Magnus, I think, I forgot... forgot they were here--” He can hardly breathe, real panic flooding every corner of his body.

“Isak, it’s oka--”

“It’s _not,_ ” Isak practically spits the word at him, then covers his face with his hands. “Anybody could have come in here. Any one of them. And seen--” He lets out a moan, shaking his head and trying so hard to just fucking _breathe._ “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” And he pushes away from the counter to head for the door, then stops, allowing himself one look back at Even.

One is all he needs, because Even looks... God, dare he think it, _heartbroken._ “I just can’t. Yet,” Isak whispers. It’s all he can muster, all he has time for without arousing more suspicion from the living room. He can't make his mouth form a smile so he tries his best to do it with his eyes instead, pleading with Even to be patient with him. After a moment Even gives him an understanding smile and nods, just a little one, and Isak finally exhales. 

Then he plasters on his most charming grin before stepping out into the hall. “I was _hungry,_ okay, let a man eat!” he calls, and is greeted by a happy chorus of people he has to lie to - for just a little while longer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I decided to not bring Noora back to Oslo for this AU. Everyone gets a happy ending in this universe so just imagine that William grew the fuck up and the two of them are blissfully together in London.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In a parallel universe, the rest of the boy squad actually shows up at the first _kosegruppa_ meeting and Isak stays for the love games. A story in which small changes can make big differences, and the curtains in Isak's room might just be yellow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Love and honor to [Daf](http://josteninski.tumblr.com) and [CZ](http://adamparishe.tumblr.com) and [Faiza](http://sanasevaks.tumblr.com) and [Eleanor](http://koninginnen.tumblr.com)!

Isak can’t sleep. _Obviously._

It’s after four in the morning - everyone had finally left the apartment around one-thirty, with Eva practically being carried out by Jonas and Sana, Vilde anxiously hovering - and he’s just laying here on top of his comforter, staring at the ceiling, completely unable to stop picturing Even’s face when he’d left him in the kitchen. Like Isak had just dashed his last hope, like he’d been so close to something he’d desperately wanted, and Isak had snatched it right out from under him. 

First of all - how the fuck is he, Isak Valtersen, terrified of his own face in the bathroom mirror every morning and of the thoughts swirling behind his eyes, even remotely capable of such a thing? It’s just not possible, it’s not. He’d had no idea it would matter to Even this much. Even is so... well, _everything._ Gorgeous and funny and cultured and smart, so it’s baffling why would someone like him be so crushed by a rejection from someone like Isak.

Even had seemed okay for the rest of the evening; he’d been a little quieter than before, but they all were, really. And when he’d said his goodbyes, hugging most of the girls (and Magnus, to Isak’s amusement) and clasping hands with the boys, his eyes had stayed on Isak’s for so long it had almost made him afraid again that someone would notice.

And now he’s just stuck here wide-awake and reliving everything and it sucks, it completely sucks. He’d love to be able to actually enjoy remembering Even’s lips grazing his ear when he’d leaned in and whispered to him on the sofa, or the way his hand had felt like the sweetest fire on Isak’s hip in the kitchen. But he _can’t,_ because he had to be a paranoid asshole and pull away from what would have been his first real kiss, the first one that actually counted. 

He keeps reaching for his phone to text Even and then getting pissed at himself for being so needy and stupid. At one point he actually considers putting his phone out in the living room to stem the temptation, but he knows his desperate ass would just end up sleeping out there instead.

He finally drifts into a fitful sleep around five and drags himself out of bed before nine, much to Eskild’s surprise. “Are you broken?” Eskild asks him irritably from the sofa, and Isak stops on his way to the bathroom to just stare at him. “Oh, you must just have to throw up or something.” 

Isak wordlessly gives him the finger and slams the bathroom door behind him.

Later, Eskild and Linn drag him into yet another Facetime session with Noora, who’s spouting the same clichéd heterosexual crap about her apparently perfect relationship with William. Isak manages to escape to the kitchen for a snack and when he returns to the living room he sits on the coffee table instead of back on the sofa - he’d barely been involved in the conversation so he doubts if Noora cares that she can’t see him in the camera anymore. 

He’s decided by now that just not texting Even at all would be weird. Rude, even. So he takes out his phone and struggles with the wording for several minutes - should he be cool and casual, or bare his soul and apologize again, which would be so much easier to do in a text, without Even’s eyes on him? He elects for somewhere in the middle, simply thanking him for last night and asking what his plans are for the day. 

Almost immediately after sending it, he types out another: _Want to hang out? It’d be good to see you._ And he only re-reads it once before hitting send, not wanting to lose his nerve, and then he lets out a loud, harsh exhale that causes both Linn and Eskild to stare at him in alarm. Isak gives them a brief smile that hopefully hides that his heart is _racing._

And then he waits. And waits. 

His phone is taunting him with its silence. He tries to amuse himself by imagining Even sitting there with his own phone and struggling over how to phrase his response just like Isak had, but it’s unlikely Even cares _that_ much - again, how could he? 

He’s just about ready to squeeze back in between the two of them and actually talk to Noora (because he’s got to have some sort of distraction or he’ll tear his hair out) when the screen lights up with a reply from Even.

_Hi. I’d really like to see you too, but I have plans with Sonja when she's off work in an hour. She scheduled this thing a month ago and she’d drag me to hell and back if I cancelled. It sucks and I’m really sorry. We’ll talk at school?_

And then, a moment later, a single heart emoji.

Isak stares at it, actually _squints_ at it to make sure he’s not imagining it, then feels himself blushing from head to toe. Bright, bright red, as red as the heart on his screen. 

Eskild takes one look at him and tells Noora with mock distress that Isak appears ready to self-destruct, turning his phone to face Isak so she can see him. Isak flees the scene at once and barely hears their giggles because he’s staring down at his phone all the way to his bedroom. 

And he keeps stealing glances at it for the rest of the day, at some point allowing himself to accept that it’s real.

\---------

On Monday morning he wakes up to a string of at least five texts from his mother. It’s the first he’s heard from her in awhile, but the messages are the same as they have been for months now. Just skimming the words leaves a sick, sad feeling in the pit of his stomach - more misspelled, ranting, religious nonsense. Isak does his best to just face the day and put it out of his mind (but he doesn't delete her texts; he never can).

His first class is a bit of a blur, as usual, and he’s only a little more coherent when he goes to his locker afterward, but his attention is drawn to the little orange flyer taped to it. There's one taped to the entire bank of them, advertising the school-sponsored Halloween party on Friday. He rolls his eyes halfway through reading it, balls it up, and tosses it away. Participating in _kosegruppa_ is one thing, but that... no thanks. He’s struggling yet again to open his locker when he hears an achingly familiar voice saying hello.

Even’s voice is the only one he’s wanted to hear all weekend, his face the only one he wanted to see. And now Even is here. For a wild second, it’s all Isak can do to keep from throwing both arms around Even’s neck and giving him the kiss that he should have on Friday night. 

“Hi,” he replies - almost _squeaks,_ and he sort of wants to die for a minute. 

But Even just smiles at him, easy and charming, and then his focus moves from Isak’s face over to the flyers on the other lockers and back again. “You going?” he asks, leaning against the locker two down from Isak’s.

 _He’s just making conversation. Don’t get excited._ “Probably not. I don’t know. Maybe. Why? Are you?” The phrases tumble out of Isak’s mouth so quickly they’re basically one. 

Even shrugs as if it barely matters, but Isak instantly knows it’s just for appearances because his eyes tell a completely different story when he says, “I’d go if you did.”

Okay then. “Sure, why not?” Cool as anything, as if his belly hadn't just done a gigantic backflip. 

Now Even breaks into that smile that Isak is pretty sure could actually power the entire city for a week. “Yeah? Okay, awesome. Do you, uh...” He slides a little bit closer to Isak and lowers his voice. “Do you want to pregame together?”

He’ll think about it for hours afterward but will never be able to determine where he gets the balls to ask Even, right here in the school hallway and without hesitation, “Just you and me?”

“Yes, absolutely. Nobody else this time.” 

A thousand heart emojis couldn’t capture what those six little words mean to Isak. Even wants to be alone with him again, hang out with him and drink and talk _and then go to a fucking school dance with him._ Just a typical Friday night, whatever. And he knows he has the worst poker face ever when he nods, then glances down and replies softly, “Sounds perfect.” 

Even nods back, eyes sparkling, and starts to walk away when they hear Jonas’ voice behind him - he’s at his own locker, just a few down from Isak’s. He and Even exchange happy hellos and a few quick words, but Isak hardly hears any of it because fear had immediately rushed in, almost overtaking the joy entirely. How much had Jonas heard?

When Even leaves, he gives Isak one more quick smile that makes his knees go weak even through his anxiety. Isak tries to smile back at him, pretty sure he gets at least halfway there, and then warily looks over at Jonas, who’s busy with his locker.

“Hey,” Isak says, a little too loudly. 

Jonas seems perfectly normal when he glances up to give him a little nod. Then he looks past Isak in the direction Even had gone. “You know, I really like that guy Even. Did you get to talk to him much on Friday night? I did; he’s chill as fuck.”

Isak nearly bites through his bottom lip. “Uh, yeah, I did. He was actually just thanking me for hosting,” he adds. It’s not really lying if it saves your ass.

Jonas just nods vaguely, now studying the Halloween flyers. “What do you think about this? Sounds kind of dumb but if there’s nothing else going on that night...”

But Isak is already miles ahead of him. “Yeah, I don’t know. My dad wants me to do this family dinner thing. Really annoying. I don’t know when I’ll be getting out of it.” He shrugs, glancing at his still-unopened locker. “So I’ll let you know?”

“Sure. Hurry up, we only have a couple of minutes.”

For a moment Isak is so caught up in the story he’s creating that he can’t even remember which textbook he needs, which class he’s going to next. Then it comes to him - _math_ \- and he stares at his locker, making a face. “Can I just share your book when we're in there?” he asks Jonas, giving him a hopeful smile. 

“What’s mine is yours, you know that.”

Jonas has said it to him a million times before, and Isak feels a small twinge of guilt now for lying. One of these days he’ll finally be able to stop.

\---------

He gets another series of texts from his mother on Wednesday. They’re far worse than the last ones and much harder to ignore, because it’s as though she knows about his plans with Even in a couple of days and is trying to warn him about _temptation_ and _immorality_ and what horrible _sins_ they are. Logically Isak knows it’s not possible (she’d never been great at mother’s intuition anyway) but it still unsettles him. It makes him doubt everything about himself all over again.

He commits another sin by daring to re-read them in biology class while across the table Sana is patiently reading their lesson to him. Of course he’s not listening to a word she’s saying and at this moment absolutely could not care less about school, too intent on going over the words again and again. He doesn’t believe in any of this shit, never has, so why is he letting it take hold this way?

“Can you please focus?” he hears Sana tell him sharply, and he looks up at her, startled. She’s got that same expression from the party at his place on Friday, when he’d kept staring at the door in anticipation of Even’s arrival while she was trying to talk to him.

“Sorry, sorry,” he says quietly, and turns his phone facedown on the desk. She doesn’t say anything else, just returns to her laptop to presumably make notes on what she’d just been attempting to discuss with him. So Isak doesn’t say anything either and simply sits there fidgeting. He should at least glance down at his textbook, but he’s too wound up.

After a moment or two Sana asks, “What is the _matter_ with you?” She’s not even looking at him so he can tell she doesn’t actually care what his answer is; she just wants him to chill so they can work.

“Trying to figure out why religious people are the way they are,” he replies, almost snapping at her. His eyes involuntarily shift to her hijab for a second, and then back to her face to see her staring stonily at him.

Part of him wants to tell her to just forget it but she’d never let him hear the end of it, so he says, “Why does everything have to be so black-and-white? Why are some things right and others wrong, and who gets to decide which is which?”

“Like what?”

“Like... I don’t know, drinking alcohol, or being envious of what other people have, I mean how are you supposed to control that? Or other stuff you can’t control, like homosexuality or getting pissed off at your parents or that fact that bacon tastes really, really good.” It all spills out in a great rush, as if he’s not deliberately calculating each word and trying _so hard_ to casually slip the most important one in like it carries the same weight as the rest. He doesn’t even know why he’s tempting fate like this. It’s going to blow up in his face.

Sana obviously knows this and is just _savoring it_ by staring at him silently for several seconds, lips pursed and eyes narrowed. “Fine,” she says at last. “I’ll give you part of that - there are some things you just can’t control. You can do your best to lessen their presence in your life, but you’re right, some things can’t be completely eradicated.”

That’s... huh, a much milder answer than he’d been expecting. It gives him a courageous nudge and he asks, “Why do they need to be lessened, though, is my point? Do you really believe there’s this set of rules that was handed down from heaven?”

“It’s really none of your business, Isak.” If her voice had been cool before, now it’s pure ice. “We can be civil and share this desk and work together without taking issue with each other’s beliefs. At least, _I_ can.” 

She turns back to her laptop and resumes typing as if there had been no interruption, her expression back to neutral. Isak isn’t sure if this is a cop-out on her part or a blessing, but he does know enough to not try to irritate her further. He’s about to finally pay attention to his textbook when she speaks again, her voice much softer and surprisingly gentle. 

“I’ll say this, though. There’s a space between following rules dictated by religion and finding peace within yourself.”

Isak can only stare at her. He’d forgotten until this moment that she’d seen everything at that _kosegruppa_ meeting. She’d seen what happened during his turn around the circle, and she’d seen Even’s, too. She knows what Isak himself is still not 100% sure of - if it really had been Even to confess a crush on him. 

“If something feels right in your heart, don’t deny yourself whatever it is.” She looks up at him again at last, and her eyes are warmer than he’s ever seen them. “Because one shouldn't go through life like that - not by turning a blind eye to your own needs in favor of doctrine above all else. There has to be _some_ wiggle room, or the world would have wiped itself out long ago.” 

When he doesn’t answer Sana raises her eyebrows at him and he just nods somewhat numbly. He wants so badly to believe her, to have some sort of confirmation that he’s reading properly between her lines. The only way to do that for sure would be to ask her outright and he’s not doing that here, so he just has to - he almost chuckles to himself when it comes to him - _have faith._

“And listen,” she adds, a tiny smile playing at the corners of her mouth. “Plenty of people have told me that bacon is very delicious, so if you want to eat a whole plate of it then you go right ahead. I won’t judge you.”

“It really is,” Isak mumbles, feeling lighter now but not enough to return her smile just yet. 

“Ah, I _knew_ that’s what you were getting at this whole time. You can have it, and you can have ten beers to wash it down. As long as you’re happy and don’t deliberately hurt anybody, I have zero problem with it. Not being a dick is important. Remember that.”

“I think my definition of ‘being a dick’ is different from yours.”

“No, but our definitions of ‘how to win an argument’ definitely differ.” She gives him a sweet, only partly-fake smile, and reaches across the desk to push his textbook into his chest. “Also our definitions of working.”

“Just because I barely have to study and am still sailing through while you need to have fucking _War and Peace_ amounts of notes to get by...” Sana gives his book another shove, this one actually kind of painful, shit, and he clicks his tongue at her. “Now _that’s_ being a dick, I’m pretty sure.”

“Just read the next section, please,” she says, smirking.

“Yes, Sanasol.”

\---------

**_Onsdag 22:37_ **

_**From Even:** Hey. Your place Friday at what time, 20? _

_**To Even:** 20 is good yeah._

_**From Even:** Now the real question. Costumes?_

_**To Even:** Ugh really?_

_**From Even:** We don’t have to! _

_**To Even:** I guess we can. Jonas gave me a lightsaber for my last birthday, so I could be Luke Skywalker? That’s easy._

_**From Even:** Are you serious?_

_**To Even:** Well you’re only giving me like a day’s notice. Don’t expect much._

_**From Even:** No that’s not what I meant. You just gave me a great idea for my own costume._

_**To Even:** Should I be worried? _

_**To Even:** I’m worried now. Thanks a lot._

_**From Even:** Don’t stress. I promise you’ll like it._

\---------

It’s Friday afternoon and Isak’s nerves are at an all-time high. He’d come straight home to clean the apartment and try to calm the hell down - which he swears he’ll get to right after he finishes interrogating Eskild.

“So you’re going to work, and then you’re going out right after.”

“Yes, Isak.”

“And you’re not coming home in between.”

“No, Isak.”

This is _crucial._ The evening will be awkward enough with just himself and Even, and Isak can’t deal with the thought of Eskild hovering around. Linn is still at home in Larvik until Sunday, so he needs to make sure Eskild is out of here as well. “Do you promise?”

Eskild finally looks up from his phone to give him a scalding look. “Yes! What the fuck, I promise. Do you have people coming over tonight or what?”

“Yes, I have someone coming over.” The singular version of the word had just come right out of his mouth before he could think about it, and oh great, that _really_ got Eskild’s attention. Now he’ll probably call out sick from work so he can stay home and completely ruin everything. Isak can’t think quickly of anything to cover it, so he just stands there gaping, waiting for the inevitable onslaught...

...which never actually happens. Eskild simply raises both hands in a gesture of surrender and bows his head. “I totally understand. You do your thing and I swear I won’t be around to bother you. Either of you.”

And then he gets up from the kitchen table and actually gives Isak an encouraging little smile as he passes, leaving Isak to stare after him with his mouth still slightly open. Okay, sure, he’s never brought a date home before, so maybe this would have been Eskild’s reaction all along, but he can’t help but wonder if Eskild suspects something. 

He can’t let it derail him, though. His bedroom is a disaster and unless he wants Even to run screaming from the building if he sees it tonight, he needs to get in there and take care of it. There are dirty clothes and empty Fanta bottles everywhere, video games and school papers and just general junk cluttering up the whole place. And he honestly can’t remember the last time he washed his sheets.

He’s halfway through pulling them off his bed when a sudden thought stops him cold: just how high are his expectations for tonight? He’s washing his _sheets?_ For a _boy?_ Is he jinxing things and just setting himself up for disappointment here?

He actually sits on the floor and debates with himself for five full minutes, then finally mutters “fuck it” and yanks them the rest of the way off the mattress. If nothing else, he’ll have a nice clean bed to lie in later tonight while he’s staring at the ceiling alone yet again. 

Expecting the afternoon to fly and leave him with his chores half-finished when Even gets there, Isak runs around for two hours getting everything done, and then time just stops dead. He takes a shower and could swear he’s in there for at least half an hour, but when he gets out he sees that the clock has barely moved. Now what?

He gets into his costume - playing it super-simple with the _Return of the Jedi_ Luke look of black from head to toe - and tries to settle down with the TV because the apartment is much too quiet. He flips channels for a while but nothing holds his interest, so he grabs the first DVD he sees, desperately wanting to just zone out. It’s not until that first blast of music that he realizes he’s chosen _The Force Awakens_ and almost has to laugh.

Given how late Even had showed up last week, Isak doesn’t actually expect him to be on time, but there’s a knock on the door precisely at eight and he jumps so badly he nearly spills his soda. His heart is in his throat as he straightens his clothes and rakes his fingers through his hair, and he makes himself stand at the door taking deep breaths for a moment before pulling it open.

But it’s not Even standing there. It’s Han Solo.

“Oh my God, you’re _joking.”_

Even grins, spreading his arms and doing a 360 so Isak can get the full effect of his costume. Tight white henley with all the buttons undone, the black vest, the tall black boots, toy blaster gun at his hip - it’s perfect. He stops turning and leans against the doorframe, now absolutely beaming at Isak. “You know, for like five seconds I debated doing the Princess Leia thing. With the cinnamon buns? But then I remembered that my little brother had this gun, so I went with Han instead.”

He’s talking, sure, but Isak isn’t really taking it in. He’s still stuck on the fact that Even has deliberately picked a costume that would match his own. Like they’re a _couple,_ like they planned it _together._ It’s so ridiculously over the top and charming and honestly fucking weird and just plain adorable. He loves it.

“Get in here, you nerd.”

Even bends down to scoop up the two six-packs of beer he’s set on the floor and follows Isak inside. “You chose Luke first, so don’t ‘nerd’ me. And look, look!” He’s almost yelling now, pointing wildly at the television. “Look what you’re _watching!_ ”

“It was totally an accident!”

“And you accidentally got two-thirds through it before you knew what it was, I guess.”

“Exactly,” Isak replies, smirking. “Beer, please. Is it at least cold?”

Even pulls a can from the ring and hands it to him. “Very. Just like your heart, apparently. What kind of welcome is this? And where are the snacks?”

Isak almost chokes laughing on the swig he’s just taken from his beer. “You expect me to _feed_ you, too?” Even puts both hands on his hips and raises his eyebrows, clearly trying very hard not to smile, and Isak rolls his eyes. “Fine, fine. I’ll be back in a second.”

When he returns from the kitchen with a bag of potato chips, he sees that Even has plopped down on the sofa and has the DVD remote in his hand, looking totally at home. “Can we start it from the beginning again?” he asks Isak, who nods with a smile. At least watching a good movie will prevent most of the awkward conversation.

He joins Even on the sofa, not at the completely opposite end but still with a respectable amount of space between them, and picks up the beer he’d left on the coffee table. “I saw this six times in the cinema,” he says. 

“Ah, you’ve got me beat there. I only went twice.”

Isak shrugs with a small smile. “Things were pretty much shit for me around the time it came out so I mostly went to escape from life for a while.” Out of the corner of his eye he sees Even looking at him curiously, but he’s not about to elaborate. “And what did you think of it, Mr. Film Critic?”

They’re magic words; Even immediately launches into a long soliloquy about the movie’s merits and faults. Unlike a couple of weeks ago at Even’s, Isak can actually keep up this time, laughing freely and taking an equal part in the discussion, which has soon expanded to include the entire _Star Wars_ universe, a subject he knows well. By the time the TV is showing Rey and Finn making their escape in the Falcon, Isak is on his second beer and his nerves have vanished.

“There are so many movies I wish you'd see,” Even is saying, nudging Isak’s shoulder with his own. (The inches Isak had left between them have also vanished, although he’s not at all surprised by this.) “But I’m getting the feeling your taste isn’t all that refined.”

“Nope,” Isak agrees, grinning. 

“How many Seth Rogen movies are in this apartment right now? If it’s more than two I’m leaving. Fuck, if it’s more than _zero._ ”

“You’re safe. A lot of my stuff is still at my mom’s.”

Even pulls a face, then starts to laugh and bumps his arm again. He doesn’t move away this time though, just stays leaned into Isak as he tips his head back comfortably to watch the movie in silence for a few minutes. The butterflies in Isak’s stomach have returned, but they’re not flapping their wings like crazy now - just a gentle flutter each time he feels Even exhale and his arm presses against Isak’s. 

“Heyyyy, it’s me,” Even murmurs when Han Solo first appears onscreen. “35 years later and I still look damn good, don’t I?”

And for the first time in his life, Isak isn’t afraid to comment on the attractiveness of another man in front of someone else. “Mhm. Real damn good.” He hears Even hum softly, and feels him lean into his shoulder just a little bit more. Isak’s beer is empty, but he doesn’t need another one. He wouldn’t make either of them move for the world.

Almost twenty minutes pass before either of them speak again. “You know,” Even says quietly. “Sonja hates _Star Wars_.”

It’s impossible for Isak to stop himself from bristling. Why did Even have to bring her up? Everything had been going so well. He swallows hard, closes his eyes. “Obviously you should break up with her, then. I can’t believe you’ve dated her for this long, knowing that.” He tries to keep his voice light, but his whole body has tensed up and he knows Even can feel it. 

“Yeah, if she’d come along tonight - if she’d _invited_ herself, like she did last week - and we’d come in to see this playing? She would have been so irritated. Pouted until we turned it off.”

“Wait, what?” Isak can really only focus on one part of that, pulling back from Even just enough to be able to look over at him easily. “She invited herself?”

Even nods, looking right into Isak’s eyes. “I mentioned it and she was like, ‘oh, that sounds like fun, I’d love to meet more of your new friends.’” He tilts his head toward Isak while not breaking their eye contact. “Because she asked me about a hundred questions about you after you two met.”

“She didn’t even speak to me once when she was here the other night,” Isak replies, because he’s only just now realized this. “She hates me, huh?”

“No, she’s just...” Even glances away, and Isak can see that his jaw is very set. He thinks for a long moment, then lets out a slow exhale, shaking his head. “I told you things weren’t going well, didn’t I?” Isak nods, and Even goes on, “She’s always been sort of controlling. I didn’t used to mind so much because honestly I need it sometimes. I’ve been okay lately but sometimes my brain just goes in a thousand different directions and I can’t get anything done. It affects everything - school, my family, everything.” He pauses for breath, and Isak realizes he needs to take one as well. “But with her being out of school and me still in it, she’s not around me nearly as much as she used to be and she’s gotten a lot more... strict, I guess. She keeps me on a pretty short leash.”

Isak’s heart is beating very fast now. Even doesn’t sound bitter, exactly, or really even all that upset or frustrated. He can’t actually put his finger on _what_ emotion is coming from him. “Was she pissed when you told her about tonight?” he asks carefully.

“Yes. I told her she wasn’t allowed to come, that I felt bad about her and our other friends interrupting us the other week at my place so I wanted to make it up to you.” 

His stomach lurches and he literally can’t tell if it’s good or bad. “Oh, is that the only reason you’re here?” he says, trying so hard to not let his smile waver. “Guilt?”

“Not at all,” Even whispers. “There’s plenty of reasons. One of the biggest ones is because of what happened in there.” He nods in the direction of the kitchen, and Isak’s heart skips at least three beats. “That was pretty... intense. Is it okay that I’m talking about it?”

Isak nods, pressing his lips tight together so he doesn’t say something stupid. 

“Do you _want_ to talk about it?” Even asks, watching him very closely. Isak has that feeling again that he can see every part of him, and while it still terrifies him? He knows that he needs it. He knows that being here with Even feels so right, so good and so natural, and seriously, screw that bullshit his mother had said in those texts, because he’s going to listen to Sana now. _If something feels right in your heart, don’t deny yourself whatever it is._

“I do, but not right now,” he replies. “Is that cool?”

“Of course.”

“I’m sorry about that, by the way. Again,” Isak adds.

“It’s fine, really.” 

He wants to tell Even the whole truth - that he’d backed away from the kiss because they don’t know, his boys don’t know, _nobody_ does, but if he says that, then _Even_ will know. And that will make it real. It will be out there in the world, the words spoken, the deed finally done: he’s gay, and he’s told somebody. It’s right on the tip of his tongue - all he has to do is open his mouth.

But... Even already knows, doesn’t he? He has to by this point, right? So Isak doesn’t really _need_ to say it out loud. Even knows and he’s okay with it and he’s still here. He wants to be here. And to Isak, that’s enough for now. 

So he just nods at Even and gives him a tiny smile, then looks over at the TV. They’ve missed a big chunk of the movie. “Want to keep watching? Or back it up to where we were?”

But Even doesn’t shift his eyes from Isak’s face at all - he’s wearing a smile that’s almost mischievous, and his eyes have begun to sparkle again. “I have another idea,” he says slowly, as if it’s still unspooling in his head. “Let’s go. Grab your lightsaber in case we meet any Imperialists.” He’s already standing before Isak can catch up to what’s happening. “Come on, let’s go!”

The next few minutes pass in a haze - one moment he’s sitting on the sofa staring up at Even in confusion, and the next thing he knows, they’re on a packed tram heading further downtown. He’s squeezed in close to Even’s side and hardly has to lean in at all to ask right in Even’s ear, “Where are we going?”

And Even just grins, bouncing on his toes. “Trust me,” he replies, and tilts his forehead against the side of Isak’s head. “It’s gonna be good, just trust me.”

Their stop isn’t far. Isak blunders after Even onto the sidewalk - his lightsaber getting caught on at least two people’s legs and one very irritated woman’s purse - and looks around, breathing hard. He has just enough time to determine they’re at city center before he realizes Even is already ten feet down the street. “Am I supposed to come with you?” he calls, and rolls his eyes when Even just turns to smile at him, not slowing his steps one bit. 

When he catches up, Even is standing in front of the Radisson Blu Plaza next to the revolving door. “Here? For real?” For a moment he has the wild thought that Even wants to get them a fucking _room_ and nearly has a heart attack, but Even just laughs. 

“You’ll see. If anyone stops us, just let me do the talking.”

The lobby is crowded and Isak thinks they’ll be able to slip through without being noticed. He’s momentarily forgotten they're wearing costumes, though. He’s following closely behind Even, who seems to be heading for the elevator, when a fussy-looking man in a hotel uniform puts his hand on Even’s arm. “Hi! Sorry, should we have gone to the desk first?” Even has turned on the charm to its full extent, and Isak can hardly hide his smile. “We’re just going to our friend’s little Halloween party. It’s up on the--” He turns to look at Isak, eyebrows raised. “Which floor is it again? 18th?”

“Ah,” says the employee, visibly relaxing now and letting go of Even’s arm. “The 21st, sir. I know exactly what you’re talking about. Please, enjoy yourselves.” And he actually steps backward and _sweeps out his arm,_ giving them the goddamn red carpet treatment. 

“Thank you so very much,” Even gushes, placing one hand over his heart and gently pulling Isak along with the other. Isak stifles a snort, but just barely, and luckily they don’t have to wait for the elevator to arrive because he seriously doubts he would have been able to hold in his laughter for long.

Once they’re alone in the elevator he joins Even in positively _cackling_ while still trying to speak through it. “What the fuck? How the hell did you know?” 

“I didn’t!” Even exclaims, now slumped against the glass wall, trying to catch his breath while still laughing. “Total shot in the dark.”

“Paid off like crazy,” Isak replies, shaking his head and gazing over at him in awe. “Wait, hold on - so are we going to this mystery party on the 21st or aren’t we?”

“Nope,” Even says smoothly, reaching past Isak to the bank of elevator buttons. He presses the one for the very top floor. “Going to one a little higher than that. If you’re up for it?” 

“Well, how exclusive is it?”

“Very.”

“Then I’m in.”

\---------

Luck is still very much with them when they get off the elevator - they move through the halls without running into a single soul. Even seems to be looking for something, a specific room perhaps, but Isak doesn’t ask any questions. This is all at Even’s whim now, himself included. 

“Finally,” Even mutters, pausing for just a second in front of a door marked _Roof Access_ to give Isak a grin over his shoulder. 

“There’s probably an alarm, Even, don’t--” Too late. Even has pushed open the door, and to Isak’s shock, everything remains quiet. “It better not be a _silent_ alarm.” 

“Even if it is, we’ll have a few minutes. Come on.”

The first thing he notices is the cold - it’s much worse than down on the street. The strong breeze ripples his hair, making him shiver, and he tries to stay as close to Even as he can. But then he catches sight of the view from up here and forgets about everything else. So many lights, all seeming miles and miles away, and the _quiet_ is breathtaking too; it’s like nothing from down below can reach this spot, like it’s another world entirely.

“Come over here.” Even’s voice seems to come from far away. Isak shakes himself out of his daze and sees him standing near the edge of the roof - not directly beside it, but much closer than Isak would have gotten on his own. 

“Why?”

“Because it’s pretty. Come on,” Even tells him, now holding out his hand. Isak still hesitates, and Even’s expression goes from serene to concerned in an instant. “Wait, are you afraid of heights?”

“The fuck? No.” How _dare_ he, seriously. Isak strides over to him, ignoring his pounding heart even as he slips his hand into Even’s waiting one, and steps in close to him. 

“Hopefully you’d tell me if you were before we came out here,” Even says softly, squeezing his hand. “Now... look,” he goes on, moving to stand behind Isak, wrapping his arm loosely around his waist so their joined hands rest on Isak’s hip. He extends his other arm past Isak’s face to point vaguely east. “My place is over there somewhere, and so is yours.” 

Isak hardly cares at the moment, much too busy thinking about their intertwined fingers, about how close Even’s body is, how if he were to lean back just a little they’d fit together just right. The wind is whipping their clothes and they might get arrested any second, but it’s still completely perfect.

“I love it,” he says, only because he feels like he has to say _something._ “Have you been up here before?”

Even chuckles and shakes his head. “But I’ve looked up here from down on the street a hundred times. A thousand times, probably. Wondering what it would be like to see the city like this.”

“It all looks tiny,” Isak mumbles. “I mean, obviously, but it’s more than that. Like we’re on a different plane of the universe.”

“That’s good, because I wanted to bring you someplace away from the real world,” Even says softly, his mouth right next to Isak’s ear. Isak is dimly aware that Even has coiled his other arm around him now, too. “Somewhere safe. Away from any prying eyes.” 

Isak turns his head all the way to the left so he can see as much of Even’s face as possible, and Even shifts just enough to be able to look right into his eyes. A very small smile begins to play at Isak’s lips, because he knows what this is about now. He can’t quite _believe_ it yet, but he’s starting to. Even is too sincere for it to not be real.

The realization makes him feel bold, and he gently extracts his fingers from Even’s grip so he can turn in the circle of Even’s arms, wanting to face him completely. And Even doesn’t protest, doesn’t do anything but hold him more tightly and smile at him so tenderly Isak feels like crying just looking at it. 

“I already know the answer to this,” he says, laying a palm on each of Even’s shoulders, his own smile half a smirk. “But I want to hear you say it, okay?”

“Okay. Anything.”

Isak takes a deep breath, holds it as long as he can while gathering his courage, and lets it out slowly through his mouth. “At the _kosegruppa_ meeting. The circle.” He feels Even tense a little, so he gently smooths his hands over his shoulders. “How many taps did you give me?”

He’s never seen Even blush before. He’s never seen Even as _anything_ remotely less than suave, so when Even’s cheeks go bright pink and he ducks his head so much that all Isak can see are his lowered lashes and the hint of a shy, adorable smile, Isak honestly wants to pinch himself to see if this is all a fever dream. 

“Three,” Even whispers, but Isak can hardly hear him. He tucks a finger under Even’s chin to lift it, and Even’s eyes are shut when he raises his head again. After sighing deeply through his nose he looks at Isak again, the sweetness in his gaze almost too much to bear. “Three,” he says again. “Because I have a crush.”

Isak will never be able to explain what happens next. He’ll never understand the bravery that surges through him, the overwhelming urge to _just do it already._ To finally be himself.

The last word has hardly left Even’s mouth before Isak leans in to cover Even’s lips with his own. Not a schoolboy peck - a soul-shattering kiss, desperate and messy, sending shockwaves through both of them. Nothing has ever felt so pure to him, so wonderfully _honest._ Even hitches in a breath and then lets it out in a gasp that rushes directly into Isak’s mouth, and he swallows it like the first sweet gasp of real air he’s ever known. 

They both pull back at the same moment, staring at each other as if really seeing each other for the first time, and Isak just has time to see the beautiful smile curving Even’s lips before they’re back on his. 

He slides his hands up from Even’s shoulders to his cheeks, startled by their warmth and craving more of it, so he presses the full length of his body to Even’s, too. There’s something else as well, something completely unexpected that really shouldn’t be - the slight scratch of stubble on Even’s face. He’s never felt _that_ while kissing a girl, and until this very moment he had no idea how much he’s needed it. He lets out some little sound against Even’s mouth, leaning his full weight into him now, knowing Even will catch him.

And Even does, tilting their foreheads together as he pulls his lips from Isak’s just enough to speak. “This was so worth the wait.”

Isak has to groan, tossing his head all the way back on his neck to let out a growl of mingled frustration and fondness. “You’re the cheesiest fucker alive, you know?” he moans, leaning his forehead right back against Even’s because yeah, that’s a really good spot. 

“I’ve never claimed to be anything else!” Even laughs, pressing two quick kisses to his mouth before adding, “You love it, don’t lie.”

“I do, though. I really do. How is this-- I can’t believe this is happening. I can’t believe you’re here.”

“You’re here, too,” Even whispers. “I brought you here. I wanted it as much as you did, probably more.”

Isak lets out another little moan, dizzy now from the altitude and of this boy in his arms, this incredible boy. Who wants him. Who’s had a crush on him for weeks, who almost certainly broke some sort of law to get Isak to this roof where he could kiss him in total solitude. 

“I really should have planned this better, though,” Even says, and Isak leans back enough to narrow his eyes at him. “Think about it - I could have had little fairy lights strung up all over, and I could be singing a medley of love songs at you right now.” He lets out a dramatic little sigh. “But just being up here on the roof is enough. We can imagine the rest.” His voice lowers as he closes the space between them, brushing his nose gently against Isak’s before planting a kiss on his cheek. “You probably didn’t get that reference at all. We’ll watch that movie sometime, though.”

But of course Isak had gotten it. Of course he had. If he’d needed any further proof that being here with Even is absolutely right, that was it.

“You should still sing to me,” he says, whispering because he doesn’t trust his voice not to crack. Then he breaks into a smile when he sees Even blush again, wrapping a hand around the back of Even’s neck to keep him from looking away. “I’ve seen those guitars in your room! Sing to me! I know you can, please?”

“I’m a terrible singer, I promise you!”

Isak whimpers softly and just has to kiss him, missing Even’s mouth by half an inch but it doesn’t matter at all. “I don’t care. One day soon I’ll get you to do it.” Then he kisses him again, much more gently this time, soft and as tenderly as he knows how.

“You make me want to sing, though. You make me want to do ridiculous things.”

“Like break onto hotel roofs?”

“Yeah, and like turn my whole life upside-down.”

“God, do I know that feeling,” Isak almost giggles, and pulls him back in for another kiss, for as many kisses as Even wants to give him.

And Even gives him so many, dozens, _hundreds,_ probably - tiny ones across his lips and cheeks, and deeper ones that steal his breath, kisses on his nose and on his neck and behind his ears, kisses sweet like melting honey, like summer, like everything bright and warm in the world. Even gives him a thousand kisses on that roof and promises a hundred thousand more with soft words and gentle touches, fingers drawn through Isak’s hair and stroked down his spine. It’s more than Isak has ever dared to dream, all his, all theirs.

He starts to shiver after a little while, and Even holds him tighter, rubbing his back. “We’ve been up here too long, haven’t we?” Isak shakes his head and tries to pull him into another kiss, but Even just laughs. “We have. I finally got you, and you’re not going to die of hypothermia on me the very next day.” 

“Okay, okay,” Isak says, but he makes no move at all beyond snuggling closer still. “We’re so not going to that Halloween thing now, though.”

“No way,” Even agrees, and presses a kiss to Isak’s forehead. Isak can feel him smiling against his skin when he asks, “Should we go home, then? Well... your home?”

“Yes, please,” Isak whispers. He doubts home, or anywhere really, could be warmer than Even’s embrace, but he wants Even in his bed. He didn't wash his sheets for nothing, after all. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In a parallel universe, the rest of the boy squad actually shows up at the first _kosegruppa_ meeting and Isak stays for the love games. A story in which small changes can make big differences, and the curtains in Isak's room might just be yellow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one’s a bit of a doozy, y’all. Grab a snack and buckle up. And honestly, I pestered so many people for assistance with this chapter that it’s embarrassing - you all know who you are <333

He’d once read somewhere that when you’re in bed with someone you love for the first time, five o’clock in the morning is almost holy. It’s seven past five right now according to his phone, and Even is dozing beside him. Isak doesn’t really think the word _love_ applies here, not yet, but honestly... looking over at Even wearing one of Isak’s hoodies and a shirt he’d once stolen from Eskild, his beautiful mouth slack and soft, his long eyelashes dusting the tops of the cheeks, one arm loosely wrapped around Isak to hold him close... yeah, he thinks he might be starting to understand how it _could_ be a word he’d use one day soon.

They’ve stayed up all night. For Isak, nothing exists outside the walls of his bedroom, nothing and no one at all. He’s ignored all the texts from Jonas and from Mahdi, and even the couple he’d gotten from Eva, because what do they matter when Even is in his bed? When Even’s lips are almost constantly on his, _for hours,_ and when Even’s fingers are gently stroking through his hair and over his face, and it’s so good that Isak honestly feels like he’s going to pass the fuck out? 

Answer: they don't. Nothing else at all matters to him right now. He has a boy in his bed and everything else will have to damn well wait, because he doesn’t even remember how long _he’s_ had to wait for this.

And really, the best part? Is that it hasn’t just been sweet kisses and soft touches; they’d actually talked, too. Isak had asked him something that he’d been so curious about since the _kosegruppa_ meeting - how had Even already had a crush on him then, before they’d ever spoken?

Even had blushed - _again,_ and his answer had been delayed by almost a full minute due to Isak’s inability to keep from kissing him in such a state - and then confessed that he’d seen Isak on the first day of school, and had been lowkey watching him and picking up bits of knowledge about him. He’d seen Vilde and Sana speak to him and the boys about _kosegruppa_ and checked the sign-up sheet later, and had gone to the meeting in hopes that Isak would be there. 

Isak had been so stunned by this that he hadn’t been able to speak for several seconds; he could only gaze at Even and blush twice as pink as Even just had. And Even had kissed him, soft and slow, and stroked his cheek and told him again that he’d had been worth the wait, and that it was so much better than he’d ever hoped.

Soon Isak had lost all track of time and felt dizzy and half-drunk on Even’s closeness - not just the physical but emotionally as well, and knew in his heart that he could say absolutely anything to Even without fear. They’d been lying on their sides facing each other, barely an inch of space between any part of their bodies, and Isak had looked directly into Even’s eyes and whispered, “I’m gay, you know.” Then he’d swallowed hard, his heart thundering in his chest, and added, “Just in case you weren’t sure.”

Even had brushed the backs of his fingers across Isak’s cheek, touched his lower lip lightly, and nodded. “Okay,” he’d said, very simply. “You know that’s okay, right?”

Shit. He hadn’t wanted to cry, had been so sure he could get through it - saying it out loud for the first time to this wonderful boy who’d been holding him so close and so sweetly, who made him feel so _safe._ But he hadn’t expected Even to say _that,_ and the tears had risen much too fast for him to stop them. He’d closed his eyes and lowered his forehead to Even’s shoulder so Even wouldn’t see them spilling over. Even had gently kissed the top of his head, rubbed his back, and held him even closer. “There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re perfect,” he’d said softly. “And I’m really honored that you told me. That you trust me this much.”

Isak had sniffled, just a little, not enough to be embarrassed, and had tipped his head back to look at Even. “It felt right to tell you first.”

Nodding again, Even had placed a very soft kiss on each of his cheeks, then tilted their foreheads together, and by then Isak had had enough of the heaviness. “I mean, I wanted to make sure you knew that I’m not going to run out tomorrow and kiss half the girls at school to make up for all the ones we’ve had tonight,” he’d said, and Even had started to snicker so loudly Isak had been worried he’d wake Eskild, so he’d shushed him with another series of kisses. This one had left them both gasping for breath, clinging to each other as if they were the only real things left in the world.

Isak thinks back through all of this, lying here staring at Even’s sleeping face and feeling Even’s heartbeat under his hand. He doesn’t want to miss a single second of Even’s presence but he’s so warm and finally at peace, and his eyelids are getting heavy. He tells himself he can stay up for a while longer, just till Even wakes up again, and they can keep kissing and talking through dawn. 

But he’s allowed to sleep now. He’s earned it. His eyes slip shut, and he breathes easy at last. 

\---------

Several hours later, he’s awakened by the feeling of Even running his fingers through his hair very gently. He’s groggy as fuck, but he’s also pretty sure that he’s never experienced a sweeter sensation in his entire life.

“I’m sorry, I really didn’t want to wake you,” Even says when Isak squints up at him, and yes, he does look very apologetic, so Isak forgives him instantly. “I’ve been awake for a while, though.”

Isak stretches, smiling sleepily at him. “It’s fine,” he whispers, and doesn’t hesitate for a single second before tilting his face upward, silently asking for a kiss. When Even obliges, Isak can feel him smiling against his mouth, so he reaches up to curl his hand around the side of Even’s neck, drawing the kiss out for as long as possible and then kissing him again after they’ve both taken a breath. And then again. And that’s how the first twenty minutes of being awake goes for Isak on this lovely Saturday morning.

He asks Even if he’s heard any signs of life in the apartment, and Even shakes his head. “Eskild’s either still asleep or he didn’t come home last night,” Isak muses, and chews at his lip for a moment while debating how safe it might be to leave his room. He’s hungry, for one thing, so Even probably is as well, plus there’s that whole issue of the two of them _having bladders_ which he’s pretty sure they’ve both been ignoring on purpose. 

He decides to risk it. Isak runs to the kitchen to grab some snacks and drinks while Even takes a piss, then dumps everything in his bedroom with Even before racing to the bathroom himself. They’re both back in his room with the door safely locked in less than five minutes and Even is already sitting on the bed wolfing down a banana, so Isak knows he’s made the right choice by feeding him (without complaint this time).

“You know,” Even says between bites, “I was looking around your room while you were asleep and things seem a little off to me.”

“Oh?” Isak plops down beside him and grabs the bag of salted mixed nuts, along with a box of _salmiakki_ from the stash he keeps on his shelf.

Even makes a face at the licorice. “Wait, you _like_ that stuff? Gross.”

“Shut up!”

“I can’t kiss you if you’ve been eating that, I’m serious.” Even pretends to choke but starts to laugh at himself after only a couple of seconds, and Isak rolls his eyes, shaking his head with an exasperated smile.

“Fine, then,” he says, making a show of putting the box back on the shelf. “If you’re going to threaten to withhold making out, then fine.” He clears his throat loudly and asks, “What were you saying before about my room? First you make fun of my favorite candy and now you’re saying my room is shit. Seriously starting to reconsider this whole thing.”

Even clicks his tongue and lays a hand on Isak’s cheek, tracing his lower lip with his thumb. “I’m sorry. Forgive me?” Before Isak can answer, he leans in to place a tiny kiss to the corner of his mouth, and Isak mumbles nonsense words in a vaguely menacing tone while giving the game away by smiling. “Anyway,” Even continues. “It’s the color scheme, mostly.” He waves a hand at the blue-green nightstand and then at the matching wardrobe. “It’s a nice color, but I can’t see you choosing it. And the curtains, especially. They’re not you.”

Isak chuckles. “That’s because I didn’t choose any of it. This is all Noora’s stuff that she just left here. Ah, you don’t know about Noora,” he adds, seeing Even’s raised eyebrows, and quickly tells him who Noora is and about her abrupt departure from Oslo, tossing cashews and almonds into his mouth after each sentence.

“And is that how you ended up living here?”

“More or less. It’s kind of a long story.” He’ll tell it to Even some other time; it’s depressing and will bring down the mood. Right now he really wants to get back to kissing him, so to prevent Even from asking further questions, Isak just leans over and kisses him right in the middle of a bite - some of Even’s banana gets in his mouth, making them both break into giggles, but Even doesn’t pull away. On the contrary, he wraps both arms around Isak, slowly lowering them both all the way down on the bed. 

They trade lazy kisses for a while, food temporarily forgotten. Isak had been starting to feel somewhat normal again but now he’s right back to having stars in his eyes and a whole swarm of butterflies in his belly, anchored to the earth only by Even’s arms. He still can’t quite believe this is happening to him - that he’s spent all night and half the day already with the most beautiful boy he’s ever seen, and there’s no sign of their time together ending yet. 

Then Even moves back from him a little, causing Isak’s eyes to flutter open in surprise. “I just remembered that I have a joint in my bag,” he says softly, smiling. “Want to open the window and share it?”

Of course Isak’s first instinct is to say “yes, obviously” but he’s in such a good mood that he decides to play with Even a little. He fakes a pout and asks, “Why do you only want to hang out with me when there’s alcohol and/or weed involved? Am I that unpleasant to be around?”

Even bursts out laughing, then cups Isak’s face between his hands to plant a loud kiss square on his mouth. “Of course not. You’re awesome when you’re sober, but when you’re stoned it brings out the best in you.”

“A likely story.”

“Were you still tipsy when we got back here last night?”

“No.”

Even kisses him again, more gently this time, letting his lips linger and then only pulling back enough to whisper, “And how many amazing hours did we spend together?”

“Not enough,” Isak whispers back, and hardly thinks about the question before asking it. “Will you stay tonight, too?”

“Was just waiting for you to ask.”

Just like the other two times they’ve smoked together, Even’s joint is good shit, but completely _unlike_ before, Isak has no qualms about being as close to him as possible. Hell, he wants to make it obvious. He doesn’t stop his fingers from sliding along Even’s as they pass it back and forth, and he actually places the blunt between Even’s lips a couple of times, loving that Even trusts him enough to do it. 

Even moves to sit on the floor, leaning his back against the bed, and Isak sits behind him to rub his shoulders and the back of his neck. By the time they’ve finished the joint, Isak has both arms draped around his neck and his chin resting on Even’s shoulder. Their cheeks are pressed together and Even is idly stroking one of Isak’s bare arms, his fingers wandering as high as the upper part of Isak’s bicep, under his sleeve. His touch is sure yet very gentle, and it’s so intimate that Isak feels as though he might as well be naked.

He also lets his mind truly wander for the first time he’s smoked with Even. He’s so wonderfully relaxed now that it’s easy to do. They talk about abstract things both important and silly - Nicolas Cage movies and parallel universes and reincarnation and what they’d pick for a superpower and how far off the rails the world might go if Donald Trump is elected. The conversation is peppered with kisses, long pauses between topics where they both just get lost in each other for a while before one of them latches onto the next thing and spits it out.

Then Even notes how brilliantly blue the sky is this afternoon and asks Isak to explain why that is “with your big nerdy science brain.” Isak makes a face but is still rather flattered, so he indulges him, and as he’s staring out the window he realizes how significant it is that it’s open. It’s a path to the outside world while he’s in here curled up with Even; they’re no longer walled off from everything. 

For once, the thought doesn’t scare him at all. 

\---------

Isak had silenced his phone before going to sleep early this morning, and now he’s looking at it for the first time since waking up. Four more texts plus a missed call from Jonas, and one more text each from Eva and Mahdi - all asking him if he’s okay. He’s not in the mood to reply to any of them, not even briefly, so he clicks the sleep button and sets the phone back on the nightstand.

However, Even is still frowning at his own phone. “What is it?” Isak asks, holding back from snuggling close to him again until he answers. Suddenly his stomach turns to ice - in his determination to forget about everything else in the world, the fact that Even is still someone else’s boyfriend has completely slipped his mind. 

He’d rather say it himself than hear it from Even. “Sonja?” 

Even gives him a sharp glance and shakes his head. “I forgot to text my parents to tell them where I am. They’re worried. Or maybe pissed, I can’t tell.” Then he holds up a finger to Isak and begins typing, and Isak casts his eyes away respectfully, trying to ignore the guilt that’s creeping in.

“Okay,” Even says after a moment, and puts his phone away as well. He kisses Isak’s cheek and starts to pull him closer, but stops when he feels how tense Isak’s body now is. “I wasn’t sure how much to tell them, but I didn’t lie. I just said I was staying with a friend for a couple of days and that everything is fine.” When Isak doesn’t respond or so much as look at him, Even touches his jaw lightly. “Should I not have said that?” he asks quietly. “Tell me.”

“It’s not that, it’s just--” Isak squeezes his eyes shut, hating that he’s going to bring this up and possibly shatter everything. It has to be done, though. He doesn’t really know how they’ll navigate this thing between them - this glorious, life-altering thing - but he does know he doesn’t want to be Even’s dirty little secret. He has enough issues of his own without piling that on. “Does Sonja know where you are?” he asks, and he keeps his eyes closed, bracing for the fallout.

“Wh--” Even starts, then lets out a deep sigh. “Isak, look at me,” he says, and Isak obeys without question. There’s so much in Even’s gaze; he can see worry, and anticipation as well, but there’s too much else for him to fully parse it all.

“I wasn’t sure how or when to tell you this,” Even says slowly. “I didn’t want to put any more pressure on you. But you’ve asked, so...” He trails off, just staring into Isak’s eyes for so long that Isak is on the verge of shouting for him to get on with it.

“I broke up with Sonja on Monday night. After you agreed to pregame with just you and me. I took it as a sign, and I tried not to think about it too much because I didn’t want to talk myself out of it. I told her I have feelings for you but that they weren’t the only reason - that it had been ending between us for a long time and we both knew it. And then I was basically just holding my breath for the rest of the week, waiting for last night and hoping, _praying_ that something could happen with you - maybe not right away because I knew you might still need time, but I was going to make another move if you gave me an opening, and you--”

He’s cut off by Isak’s lips colliding so hard with his own it nearly knocks the breath out of both of them. _He’s free, Even’s single, Sonja’s out of the picture, he could be mine right now if I wanted, completely mine._ Isak’s thoughts are spinning out of control and he’d had to kiss him just to ground himself, and to stop Even from saying any more beautiful things because it might actually cause his head to explode. 

Even breaks the kiss before Isak is ready, and he tries to chase his mouth but Even has pulled back enough to look at him, his eyes now clear and dancing. “I take it you’re okay with all of that?” he asks, and Isak can tell it’s a serious question under the playful tone. 

“Yes,” Isak gasps, nodding hard. “So, so okay.”

Even leans their foreheads together, fingers curling around Isak’s ear and into his hair. “Do you want to do this?” he murmurs, and Isak almost lets out a moan. “I swear you’re not a rebound, and if you need more time it’s totally fine, I promise.”

More time? To what, decide if he wants the rest of his life to begin _right now?_ “If you really want me,” he manages to whisper, because he just needs that last little bit of reassurance that this is real.

“I do. Fuck, _so_ much.”

And now there’s no more room for words. No room for anything but Even’s lips on his, Even’s hands on his skin, Even’s heartbeat in his ears, nothing but _Even Even Even._ Isak never wants anything else.

\---------

Eskild has done him a real favor by staying gone for the entire day and night, at least so far as Isak can tell. He would have almost certainly knocked on Isak’s door by now to inquire after him (or to at least comment on Even’s shoes in the hallway, which Isak had remembered mid-afternoon were in plain sight), but there hasn’t been a peep. 

That’s why he doesn’t get nervous when Even mentions that he’d like to take a shower before bed if it’s okay. He just nods and gives him a smile, and adds that he’ll take one after Even’s finished. It’s not until Even playfully wiggles his eyebrows on his way out of Isak’s room that it even occurs to Isak that they could just, well, _save water._ But oh no, no no, he’s not there yet. Nowhere near.

Or is he?

Because he definitely does not spend the ten minutes Even is in the shower _thinking very hard_ about Even in the shower. Absolutely doesn’t think about Even naked, and wet, and covered in soap bubbles, and probably feeling very lonely in there. Nope, never crosses his mind. 

Nor does he stand up abruptly when Even returns to his room and practically race to the bathroom and lock the door, panting and sweating, and no way in the world is the image of Even’s wet hair and damp skin and clinging t-shirt and _bare legs Jesus he was only wearing boxers what the fucking hell_ permanently stamped into his brain. Everything is perfectly fine and normal in Isak-ville. Just another end of another ordinary day.

(His own shower might be a little longer than Even’s. He needs to take care of... something.)

Isak does his best to just get over it and be somewhat back to a functioning human being by the time he gets back to his bedroom. He foolishly thinks he might actually achieve it, but when he sees Even already curled up under the covers _with his shirt off_ all hope goes right out the window. Even looks up from his phone with a sweet smile and wordlessly pulls the duvet aside on the other side of the bed, a clear invitation for Isak to join him, and Isak tries to smile back but it likely looks more like a grimace.

“I usually sleep in just underwear, is that cool?” Even asks, as casually as if he’s inquiring about tomorrow’s weather. 

Isak pauses halfway to the bed and stutters part of some word; he doesn’t even know which one. His expression must make things very clear to Even, because he sits up straight with a small frown. “If it’s not just tell me.” He’s already reaching for his discarded t-shirt while keeping his eyes locked on Isak, and it’s enough to snap Isak out of his stupor.

“No,” he replies softly, crawling onto the bed and laying a hand on Even’s arm. “I just wasn’t expecting it, but it’s fine.”

“Okay, if you’re sure. And you can keep yours on if you want to.”

Relief floods through Isak then, but he’s still coherent enough to joke a little. “Oh okay, you’re not interested in seeing _me_ half-naked. Got it.” Even’s eyes widen - he’s obviously about to protest - but then Isak gives him a little wink. 

“I want...” Even whispers, drawing him close enough for their foreheads to touch. “Whatever you’re able to give me. I promise. Anything else can wait.” He kisses Isak lightly, then again, and settles on his back with a sigh. “Ready to sleep now?” 

Isak nods gratefully, letting his gaze linger on Even’s bare chest and arms for as long as possible as he reaches for the lamp. It’ll take his eyes a few minutes to adjust to the darkness once he’s turned out the light, so he needs to drink in as much as he can now. 

He’s going to use the darkness to his advantage though - as soon as he snaps off the lamp, he pulls his shirt over his head. The sound of the fabric sliding against his skin and then dropping to the floor is loud in the otherwise silent room, so there’s no chance Even doesn’t know what he’s doing. He could then cuddle in close to him, drape an arm across him and allow Even to feel Isak’s bare skin against his own. He _wants_ to do just that, his fingers itching to touch, but...

Instead he flops onto his stomach, arms tight to his own body, and buries his face in the pillow. There’s still points of contact between his skin and Even’s, and part of Isak wants to withdraw from him all the way. 

And then he feels Even’s warm, soothing hand flat on his back, and instead of making him tense up as expected, it relaxes him completely. All of his muscles go weak at once, a soft sigh escapes his throat, he’s so ready to turn toward him - and Even’s lips brush over his shoulder blade, startling him so much that he doesn’t have time to hold back a low moan. He hears Even chuckle quietly before he places another kiss there, and now Isak has a whole other problem to cope with: sleeping close to Even is going to make a certain part of him unable to sleep at all.

“Sorry,” Even murmurs. “Couldn’t help it.”

 _Fuck it,_ Isak thinks, _seriously, just fuck everything, he **wants** you._ So he stops trying to think and rolls onto his side, sliding right in next to Even’s body and doing just what he’d wanted a few minutes ago - allows his hand to glide over Even’s smooth skin, pressing his palm to some spots and letting his fingertips gently stroke others. Even is warm, but Isak’s touch still makes goosebumps rise. 

Seeing him had been one thing; Isak has been _seeing_ all the things he wants for years without being able to do anything about it. Now he fully understands just how different _touch_ is. A thousand times better. A million. It’s permission to feel the things he feels, confirmation that what he feels is _good._

He hardly realizes that he’s holding his breath until the exploration is complete, and when he reaches Even’s shoulder and curves his hand around the side of Even’s neck, he exhales slowly, blinking several times until Even’s face comes into focus. 

“Hi,” Isak whispers, trying to convey as much as he can into such a small word. _I’ve never been able to touch a boy like this_ and _you’re even more beautiful that I knew_ and _how are you real, honestly?_ and especially _can we please just pretend nothing is happening below the waist because I really don’t know if I can deal with that?_

And Even’s reply is almost as short but holds so much more meaning than the words themselves: “Kiss me. Don’t stop.”

It’s hours still before either of them sleep a wink.

\---------

Except for sleepovers with Jonas when they were younger, Isak has been waking up alone every day of his life. But his bed has never felt more empty than it does the next morning, when all that’s left of Even is his scent and a drawing on the pillow he’d used.

It’s sweet enough - a single panel captioned “at the same time in a different universe” with an image of Even and himself on the hotel roof, music notes floating out of Even’s open mouth to indicate singing. Even’s also written a small note at the bottom of the page: “sleep is the cousin of death” in English, which Isak vaguely recognizes as a lyric from somewhere and at least partially explains why Even’s gone. Beneath it he’d written “you’re beautiful, miss you already” with a tiny heart. Isak smiles at it in spite of his crushing disappointment that he can’t kiss Even good morning. He hopes Even at least kissed him goodbye while he slept.

\---------

He’s already prepared what he’s going to say to Jonas on Monday morning about his silence over the weekend. All he has to do is hope Jonas buys it.

Jonas appears at his locker just a few seconds after Isak, and Isak waits for his hello before launching into his speech. “Listen, I’m really sorry. The family thing on Friday was stressful as fuck and I had to take all day Saturday and most of yesterday to decompress. I just didn’t feel like talking to anybody. Sorry, bro, I really am.”

But Jonas just stares at him in confusion. “It’s... okay. Calm down.”

“I just felt really bad.”

“I know shit with your family sucks. It’s fine. I’m not offended or anything.” Jonas gets the last item he needs out of his locker and shuts it. “I kind of figured that’s what happened anyway. And that Halloween thing Friday was boring, so you didn’t miss anything.”

He’s slinging his arms through the straps of his backpack now, just like any other day, and Isak finally starts to relax. Jonas doesn’t suspect anything, it’s all good. “Boring, huh?” he asks, hastily pulling the books he needs out of his own locker. “Glad I didn’t waste my time.”

“Yeah, no, good call. It might have ended up being even worse if your lame ugly ass had showed up, so thanks for staying away.”

Isak rolls his eyes and grins, feeling almost back to normal. His heart rate has slowed down. Everything’s fine.

“Oh, you know what was weird, though?” Jonas adds, and Isak raises an eyebrow, busy trying to close his bag. “Even told me the other day that he was going, but he didn’t show up either.”

The bottom drops out of Isak’s stomach. He can’t stop his head from snapping up to stare at Jonas in something like terror, his mouth falling open and his eyes wide. By some amazing twist of fate, though, Jonas isn’t looking at him but at his phone, scrolling through his messages. “I texted him Friday night too but didn’t hear back. I’m just checking to see if I missed it somehow... no, nothing.” He shrugs and slides his phone back into his pocket, and thankfully Isak has now had time to fix his goddamn face into a more natural expression. “Weird,” Jonas repeats, and shrugs. “Ready?”

Isak nods somewhat numbly, and wonders if a heart attack is possible at age seventeen.

\---------

He’d thought Sunday morning had been chilly, but it’s practically summertime compared to the next few days when Even all but disappears from the face of the earth.

He isn’t at school. He doesn’t pick up his phone when Isak tries to call. He does send Isak one text on Monday night, just a brief one about not feeling well and apologizing, but it hardly seems to be from a person who’d just spent 36 hours completely alone with someone they claim to care deeply about. Isak honestly starts to wonder if he’s somehow imagined the entire thing and would let himself believe it if it actually made him feel better, and if Even’s scent wasn’t still clinging to his pillow. 

It sucks. It _hurts._ By Tuesday evening, the sick idea has entered his mind that Even had just been using him all along, and now that he’s gotten what he wanted, Isak is no more than a notch on his bedpost. The thought makes him withdraw so far into himself that he can’t even cry. _No._ It had been _real,_ all of it, every word, every kiss. Every single second. It couldn’t just be some elaborate scheme. 

To make matters even worse, his mother starts sending texts again, telling him he must repent and prostrate himself before the Lord. Isak is close to smashing his fucking phone into pieces. 

On Wednesday morning he makes a rash decision - if he hasn’t seen or heard from Even by the end of the day, he’ll go to his place. Just show up unannounced and see what kind of reaction he receives. If Even is standoffish or rude, then Isak will have a firm answer and will do the best he can to forget everything that’s happened between them. But if Even’s radio silence really is due to him being sick in bed, then maybe he wouldn’t mind a little loving attention. 

Yes. He’s going to do it. Throw caution to the wind and make a bold, hopefully romantic gesture. One way or the other, he’ll know what’s going on before the day is over.

The universe has obviously heard him, because he doesn’t even have to wait until the end of the day. 

He’s wasting the last few minutes of gym class by idly kicking a ball around, and suddenly Even appears in his peripheral vision. His head whips in that direction to confirm it and yes, it’s him, standing in the doorway leading to the locker rooms. He doesn’t look sick, or like he’s getting over _being_ sick, but then again he’s wearing several layers and has his hood up, so maybe... God, Isak can’t believe he’s analyzing the way Even _looks_ when he could just go _speak_ to him, especially now that Even is gesturing for Isak to follow him. Without a single glance toward anyone else, Isak strides across the gym after him, his heart already pounding.

Even’s standing in the middle of the locker room, clearly waiting for him, and his expression is very difficult to read. The only emotion Isak can pinpoint is anxiety, which could mean anything. Isak greets him tentatively and Even’s reply is just as careful, so Isak approaches him with slow steps, unsure where to begin.

“Are you still sick?” he finally asks.

Even lets out a dry chuckle and shrugs. “I’ve just been taking some time for myself. I know it was selfish to just leave you with so little explanation, and I’m sorry. I still don’t really know how to explain it, though.”

Isak has no idea what to do with that. He just stares at Even, waiting for more. 

“Sonja called me on Sunday,” Even continues, and Isak’s stomach tightens. “She wasn’t-- I don’t know if she was trying to get me to take her back, really, she just wanted to _discuss_ everything. She’s always been very fond of discussion.” He pauses, almost rolling his eyes, and Isak can see him swallowing hard. “Anyway, she made me feel like shit, tried to tell me that what I feel for you isn’t real. That you’re just a distraction. Which isn’t the least bit true, okay?” Even is looking very intently at Isak now, pleading with his eyes. “You know that, right? I need you to know that.” Before Isak can wrap his mind around responding, Even has taken both of his hands between his own, and although Isak can feel them trembling, their warmth is completely reassuring.

“But it was a lot to take in, and I couldn’t handle going to school for a bit. Remember how I told you my head goes in a million directions sometimes?” Isak nods, and Even does as well. “It just... overloads. And I wanted to see you so much, or at least talk to you - I must have picked up my phone to text you 30 times a day, but I couldn’t focus.”

Isak is already shaking his head and stepping as close to him as possible. “It’s okay,” he says softly. “You don’t have to explain. God, I’m almost to the point of making a ‘you had me at hello’ joke here.” Even snickers, almost _snorts,_ and then leans in to kiss him before Isak can really prepare for it. He’s startled - and afraid for a fleeting second since they’re practically in public - but the kiss is so welcome after days without one that he nearly melts into the floor. “Really though, I’m just happy to see you and that you’re okay.”

“Me too,” Even whispers, and kisses him again, letting his lips linger for a bit longer this time. Isak has to grip Even’s hands tightly to keep himself balanced; in spite of the literal hours they spent kissing over the weekend, he’s nowhere near used to it yet and he’s actually feeling lightheaded over it now. 

When he’s recovered, Isak lets out a quiet sigh and tilts his forehead against Even’s. “The thing about your head going a million different directions,” he says gently. “Is there anything I can do? Help you study, or whatever? It’s got to be frustrating as fuck.” He might be imagining it, but he thinks Even goes a bit tense, and begins rubbing his thumbs over the backs of Even’s hands. “Sorry,” he whispers.

“You’re fine. And yeah, I think study dates could be a good idea,” Even replies, although it’s hesitant. 

“You don’t have to answer right now,” Isak says, taking the opportunity to kiss his cheek in another attempt to soothe him. “Just... you’ve obviously helped me a lot with stuff, so I’d like to be able to return the favor somehow.” 

Even closes his eyes and exhales slowly through his mouth, his breath soft against Isak’s cheek. “You already have,” he murmurs. “I’ve been happier in the last few weeks than I have been in a really long time. Meeting you did that. Just having you in my life.”

Isak is starting to forget where they are - he’s right back in his room with Even this past weekend, nothing in the whole world but the two of them and Even’s sweet words and his kisses and his warmth. He’s about to close the space between their lips again when a sudden series of insistent buzzing sounds from his pocket makes them both jump - text notifications on his phone, a lot of them, one right after the other.

“You keep your phone on you in gym class?” Even asks with a smile. “I’d be afraid it would get smashed.”

“Not usually. I just didn’t want to miss any texts from you.” Isak gives him a small smile as he pulls out his phone, and as soon as he sees who the texts are from he has to roll his eyes - his mother, of course. He curses quietly and shoves the phone back into his pocket. “It’s nothing. Sorry for the interruption.”

“Who was it?”

Isak sighs and stares past Even at the far wall, debating how much he wants to get into this right now. “My mom. She’s-- she’s crazy. Pretty much literally.”

Out of the corner of his eye he notices Even blink hard a couple of times. “Really?” Even asks, his tone strangely dry. “How so?”

“I don’t know, she’s never been that great of a mother anyway but she got religion a couple of years ago and turned into a fanatic. My dad left last year because of it and I moved in with Eskild and Linn not long after that. She thinks the world is going to end any day so she’s been sending me all these messages about needing to repent and shit. It drives me nuts.”

“Do you reply to her?”

Isak scoffs. “What the fuck would I say? No, we haven’t talked in months. I decided my life would be better without mentally ill people around me.”

He sucks in a breath, realizing he’s probably said too much and sounded really mean. It’s obvious from his expression that Even thinks so, too. “Sorry to bring down the mood,” he mumbles, dropping his eyes to the floor, unable to stand Even’s wounded gaze. “Especially after you had a tough few days, fuck, I’m sorry.” He glances back up for a second, sees that Even still looks hurt, and says the first thing that comes to mind to try and fix that. “I bet your parents are awesome. They must be to have raised such an amazing son.” That earns him a small smile from Even and, feeling hopeful, he adds, “And I don’t mean your little brother.”

Even sighs softly and cups Isak’s cheek just as the bell rings to signal the end of class. Any day before this, the sound would have sent Isak into a panic and made him run to the other side of the room so no one coming in would see him this close to Even, but not now. Not after all they’ve been through, and especially not at this moment. He keeps looking directly into Even’s eyes, wanting to savor every last second they have together. 

“They _are_ awesome,” Even whispers. “And I bet they’d love you.” He leans in for one more kiss, curling his fingers gently into Isak’s hair and around his ear, and brushes his nose against Isak’s as he pulls away. 

\---------

He’s proud of himself the next day for sticking to his OD job and not stopping to text Even every ten minutes. No, he’s a responsible person and waits until the evening when he’s worn out and sort of sleepy, which he thinks it’s the perfect state for a bedtime chat with his boyfr--

Wait. He’d just thought of Even as his boyfriend. That’s... well, that’s accurate, isn’t it? Even had asked him if he wanted to be over the weekend; maybe not in those precise words, but close enough. So yes. A bedtime chat with his boyfriend.

Fingers trembling slightly, he types out a text that’s hopefully not too mushy: _My arms are about to fall off from OD. How was yours? Miss you. Your lips most of all. Text me to sleep?_

As soon as he presses send Isak drops his phone to the bed beside him and crosses both arms over his face to stifle his nervous laughter. Then he flops down and buries his face into the pillow Even had used, inhaling deeply. Yes, his scent is still there.

Even has never immediately replied to a text, so Isak gets up after a minute to take a quick shower. Afterward he stops in the kitchen for a glass of water, and Eskild greets him happily from the table where he’s nursing a cup of tea and scrolling through his phone. “Was PK easy on you today? We asked him to be.”

Isak pretends that raising his arm to open the cabinet is causing him agonizing pain, and Eskild snorts with laughter. “I don’t think I can make it, Eskild,” he whines. “Can you please get me a glass? I’m so dehydrated, I might die.”

“ _What_ has put you in such a fine mood?” Eskild asks, eyebrows raised. “Oh wait, I bet I know.” He clears his throat significantly and stretches his arms across the table toward Isak, resting his chin on them as he stares up at him. “That cute boy who was here Saturday night.”

In an alarming moment of déjà vu the glass slips from Isak’s fingers into the sink (and once again does not break). He hardly notices, though; he’s too busy staring over at Eskild with real shock. “How did you-- when did you--”

“Sunday morning. Met him while he was walking out of the bathroom. Even, right? He was at the party here a couple weeks ago, too.”

Isak can only nod, his mouth dry as a bone. 

“He’s very nice! Is he treating you well?”

Eskild seems utterly unfazed by this conversation, like he and Isak discuss hot guys who’ve stayed over all the time. “Yeah, he is,” Isak manages to reply, and immediately adds, “Sorry, you don’t seem surprised at all that he was here. And spent the night.”

“I’m not really, considering where you and I first met.” Eskild winks and Isak lets out a quiet groan - he’s not going to get into _that_ argument again. “But I didn’t want to say anything about it. Was kind of waiting to see if _you’d_ mention it, but I got impatient.”

“It’s been a weird week. Otherwise I probably would have.” Isak is a little taken aback at his own words for a moment, and then realizes they’re actually true. 

Eskild gives him a warm smile and wiggles his outstretched fingers at him. “Well, congratulations. I’m... you know, I’m always here if you want to talk about it.”

Isak nods with a grateful smile, then turns back to the sink and almost flips the faucet on before abruptly looking over at him again. “Wait, you mean you’ve known for a while? About-- about me?”

“I suspected, yes.”

“Because of where we met?”

Eskild clicks his tongue. “No, not just that. Do you want to talk about this right now? We can.”

He does, kind of, but he’d rather take a little while to get his thoughts in order, so he shakes his head and shrugs. 

“Okay. Like I said, I’m here.”

Isak just nods again and finally fills his water glass, giving Eskild an awkward smile as he leaves the kitchen. Once he’s out in the living room he lets out the breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding and takes a few seconds to marvel over how easy that had just been. He seriously doubts it would have been if he hadn’t already said it to Even the other night. 

Speaking of Even... the text he’d sent had slipped his mind in the wake of what just happened, so he hurries back to his room and grabs his phone from the bed. There’s a reply waiting and he opens it with an eager smile.

 _Hi. I miss you too, but Sonja may have had a good point. I think this has all happened too quickly. It’s my fault because I rushed us into it. Need more time to process everything, sorry._

He reads it again. And again. And then a fourth time, because it’s got to be a mistake, or his eyes have suddenly gone wonky, or he’s been dropped into some nightmare world. But the words on the screen don’t change, even after he powers his phone down and back on to check it one more time.

Had yesterday in the locker room even happened? Or is he still stuck in the first part of the week and this is the first thing he’s heard from Even after that one short text? 

Breathing has become difficult and he tries to read the message yet again but can’t because his eyes are blurred by tears. He wants to fire one back to Even, demand to know what the hell he means, that he tell Isak what he’s done wrong - because no matter what Even says about fault, Isak knows it’s because of him, not Even. But if he does send it, Even may not answer at all, and that would be far worse.

Choking back a sob, he turns the phone off again and starts to take it out to the living room for the night so he won’t be tempted to use it, but Eskild would hear him and want to know what’s going on, and he’s a thousand years away from being able to handle explaining it. So he just buries it in the bottom of his backpack and ties the bag up tight, hoping he’ll be too exhausted to go digging for it in the middle of the night.

He’s not going to indulge himself by crying. He’s fucked this up somehow and doesn’t deserve to be a baby about it. But he _will_ go take one of Linn’s sleeping pills from the bathroom, or he’d lie awake all night and almost certainly send that text and fuck it up even more. 

Just before he turns off the light, he stares at Even’s pillow and knows it can’t be here. He flings it across the room and muffles a yell into his own pillow, and then another and another, and when the tears come anyway he’s powerless to stop them. He can’t do anything. Never could.

\---------

Most of Friday passes in a blur of pain and contempt for everything he sees, and for himself most of all. Every happy couple in the hallways, every person laughing or even smiling - he wants to sneer at all of them, but he doesn't have the energy. He just tries to make himself as small as possible and avoids speaking to anyone, his friends included, and begs the universe to not let him see Even today or he’ll fucking lose it. 

The only reason he goes to school at all is a test in biology - he can’t leave Sana hanging. He’s already decided to bail on the rest of the day after it’s over. She can obviously tell something’s wrong - the number of scowls she throws in his direction is much higher than usual today - but she doesn’t say anything, and after they’re finished with the test he can feel her eyes on him in a penetrating stare. 

“What?” he mumbles, not looking at her.

“Most people are happier than this on Fridays.”

“I’m not most people.”

Scoffing, she replies, “No kidding. Seriously, who pissed in your cornflakes today?” 

Isak lets out a sigh, slumping even further down into his chair and staring off into space. “I did, actually.”

“Huh. You know, I’m not at all surprised by that.”

Annoyed that Sana is trying to get a rise out of him on top of everything else, Isak gives her the dirtiest look he can muster and is about to snap something really hurtful at her, but the bell rings and he shoots out of his seat instead, stalking toward the door without a single glance backward.

He’s counting the minutes now; he just needs to stop at his locker to grab a couple of books and then he’s getting the hell out of here. Two more hallways, one more corner - and just as he rounds it, he crashes directly into Eva, who’s engrossed in her phone. 

“Fuck!” she hisses, grabbing her elbow, which Isak had so masterfully crushed between his backpack and the wall. “What th-- oh! Isak, shit, I didn’t see it was you.”

He’d nearly lost his balance in their collision and is still rattled, but the fact that it’s Eva actually manages to cut through how miserable he feels. “Sorry, I’m sorry! Are you okay? Funny bone?”

She winces, still rubbing her elbow, and nods. “I was texting though, so it’s probably mostly my fault.”

“As long as you’re okay.”

Her expression instantly flips to a cheerful smile, and as far as Isak can tell, it’s genuine. “All good, baby,” she replies, giving him a thumbs-up. “Hey, what are you guys doing tonight?”

“Um, I don’t know. I’m having a shit day so I haven’t talked to them yet. I’m actually skipping the rest of today. Going home right now.” Only Eva could draw this many words out of him at a time like this.

She frowns slightly, really looking at him now. “Do you want me to go with you?”

For an instant he considers saying yes simply because he’s so touched by the offer, but shakes his head instead. “If I know you, you’re probably close to the 10%.”

“Oh, fuck that. Look at you.” Eva steps closer to him and lifts her hand to touch his shoulder, but he instinctively flinches back. “Okay, what is it?”

First Sana, now Eva... a lump quickly forms in his throat. He can’t believe people actually care about him. If only _Even_ gave this much of a shit about his feelings. But that thought instantly makes him hurt worse, because he reminds himself that _he’s_ to blame for whatever made Even send that text, not Even. 

“Can I tell you some other time?” he whispers, and as soon as the words are out he has to literally bite his lower lip to stop it from trembling. “Like, really soon? Just not right now, I can’t now.”

“Okay,” she says softly, nodding, and then clicks her tongue and pulls him into a hug. “You’ve said that before, you know. So this time you’d really better do it.”

“I will. I swear I will.” He’s got to talk to _somebody._

\---------

Isak doesn’t want to go out tonight. But when the boys suggest it in a group chat after school, he stares at his phone for several minutes and finally sends a message that he’s in - only because he wants to get drunk. So he dutifully shows up at Magnus’ place, arms loaded down with the promised booze, and then continues his trend from earlier today of sitting quietly in a corner just trying to breathe. 

It’s hard to get drunk when everything tastes terrible, but dammit, he tries his best.

He’s unwillingly pulled into the conversation when Magnus finds out about a party happening at Emma’s and the boys insist Isak can get them in - they seem to have forgotten that he’d told them about cutting things off with her, or that he hasn’t seen or spoken to her in weeks. But he doesn’t really have the willpower to argue and just lets himself be swept up in the plan. Shit, maybe there will be better alcohol at this party.

When they arrive some dickbag third-year is pretending to be the bouncer, claiming that the party is too full for all of them. Isak lurks behind his friends not saying a word while Jonas and Mahdi try to reason with the guy; it’s all so idiotic and he’s ready to just leave. He’s actually reaching for Mahdi’s arm to tell him they should bail when his attention is drawn inside - had that been Even’s laugh he’d heard?

He’s gone off the deep end here. He’s literally hallucinating. It’s hilarious, really.

But a second later Even actually comes into view, and seeing him in any state would be a punch to the gut for Isak right now but this... he’s smiling and laughing and fist-bumping with someone, looking like he’s having the time of his life, like he doesn’t have a fucking care in the world. A white-hot sword has just sliced right through Isak’s heart, and he has to clutch his stomach because he honestly feels as if he’s going to throw up. 

He’s been bouncing between anger and melancholy since last night and sometimes both at once, but right now he’s all rage - desperate, burning rage. How _dare_ Even do this, why isn’t he at home curled up in a ball, _processing_ shit? Isak is getting in there to him - this morning at school he’d been afraid of running into Even but now he can’t close the distance between them fast enough.

He doesn’t even try to negotiate with this wannabe bouncer asshole - he just strides right past him, ignoring the calls from his friends and jerking his arm out of the asshole’s sudden grip. He’s very vaguely aware that his boys have followed his lead after a couple of seconds, but after that he tunes out everything else because he’s lost sight of Even, and he’s not going to be able to hide from Isak. 

Navigating through a crowded party is always a pain in the ass but tonight Isak feels like shoving people out of his way. He sees Vilde and Eva standing extremely close together and has a tiny moment of gratitude that they’re too intent on each other to notice him, but every other person here is one more person who’s not Even. He finally spots the actual Even on the far side of the large living room, beer bottle in his hand and bopping his head along to the music, apparently alone. 

He’s scanning the crowd for the path of least resistance when he notices Emma - she’s staring at him from several feet away and starts to wave when their eyes meet, but he immediately looks away. He’s not about to deal with her right now; he doesn’t give a shit if this is her party or not. He’s not here for the _party._

Isak keeps his eyes trained on Even as he starts to cross the room. He has no idea what he’s actually going to _say_ once he gets to him, or what to even _do,_ period - he just knows that he’s not going to let this chance slip away.

No one joins Even. He’s just sipping from his bottle, staring around aimlessly, just another Friday night... and then his eyes lock with Isak’s. Both of them stop all movement at the same instant, Even’s beer hanging motionless an inch from his open mouth in a pose that might actually be comical in other circumstances. Isak is frozen to the spot, completely oblivious to the irritated people trying to dance around him. _What now?_

At last Even raises his eyebrows and Isak reads it as a challenge, motivated to keep walking toward him. He’s not taking his eyes off of Even and in fact is now giving him a look that’s just _daring_ him to try to get out of this. But Even’s not going anywhere. He’s waiting.

As soon as he gets to him, Isak spots a door just behind Even that looks like it leads to a bathroom or laundry room. He moves right past him, trying the doorknob - it’s a bathroom, and it’s empty. He looks back over his shoulder and jerks his head at Even, who follows at once.

They’re completely alone. Isak reaches past Even to flip on the light switch and instantly wishes he hadn’t, because Even looks very different now than he had outside. There’s no trace of the buoyant boy, only scared eyes and quivering lips, and Isak almost - _almost_ \- regrets doing this.

But he’s determined. He has to know. So he just shrugs at Even, staring directly into his eyes in spite of how much it hurts, and asks simply, “What did I do?”

And Even just... crumbles. His whole body sags and his head hangs and Isak comes dangerously close to pulling him into his arms. “It wasn’t you,” he says quietly. “Not exactly, it’s just--” He sighs heavily and raises his head, eyes shut for a moment before looking at Isak again, and Isak’s heart seizes when he sees the tears shining in them. “I was with her for so long. I didn’t know anything else, and I’ve never been alone before. I saw you, and I wanted you, and she was making me feel even more messed up than I usually do and I had to get out of it, so as soon as I saw that there was a possibility with you I broke up with her, and I honestly didn’t think too hard about it. I just leaped.

“And I know I said all that before, but you need to hear it again. Because I left her and I ran straight to you and I _didn’t think._ I was so focused on getting what I wanted that I never thought about it _not working,_ that you might not be ready. And I got scared. Overwhelmed. My brain just-- I’ve told you what happens. It all seemed so simple, so I just bulldozed over everything and didn’t make sure beforehand that the ground was stable. What if you’re not ready? What if you’re with me for a week and you realize I’m not what you want? Then I’ll be alone, and I can’t handle that, Isak. I can’t.”

He’s crying openly now, and Isak's heart is breaking. He’d thought it had broken last night, but that had been nothing compared to seeing Even this way. He’s terrified to touch him because he might actually shatter into pieces right in front of him, but he’s been afraid of so much for so long and he’s come through the other side, so he can do this, too. 

“You won’t be alone,” he whispers. “You’re not alone now, and you won’t ever be. Not if you still want this as much as I do.” As he speaks he’s very gently gliding his hand down Even’s arm, and when he reaches Even’s wrist he circles it with his fingers and lifts it, raises it all the way to his mouth. Then he presses a kiss to the center of Even’s palm and closes Even’s fingers around it, keeping it locked there, safe. 

Even lets out a shuddering breath and closes his eyes, but Isak steps nearer to him, near enough for their noses to brush together, and lays his other hand on Even’s cheek. “Be with me?” he asks, his lips grazing Even’s ear, and Even exhales again, then tilts his cheek against Isak’s and nods. “See? It really is that simple,” Isak murmurs, and kisses his earlobe, his hairline, his forehead. 

“What if it isn’t, though?” Even asks shakily, his eyes still shut, and Isak places a tender kiss to his wet lashes. 

“Then we’ll figure it out. I’m really fucking smart, you know.”

That breaks the spell; Even laughs lightly through his nose and looks at Isak again, and yes, there’s the beautiful boy he knows. This other boy who’d showed himself is also Even, of course, and Isak wants to know him too, as much as Even will allow. 

“Are you feeling this party?” Isak asks. 

“Not at all.”

“Good, me neither.”

“Is your flat empty again?”

Isak shrugs, smirking. “I know my bedroom is, though.”

Even laughs out loud then, pressing a hand to either side of Isak’s face and kissing him. “You mean you’re not holding some other guy hostage in case it didn’t work out with us?”

“Thought about it. Had Eskild gather some candidates for me-- oh, he knows about us, by the way. Thanks for _telling_ me.”

“I honestly forgot, oh shit,” Even gasps, eyes wide. “I’m sorry, sweetheart.” The last three words are murmured right against Isak’s mouth, just before Even’s lips part in another kiss, and Isak wraps a hand around the back of Even’s head to hold him there. 

He’d been so bound and determined to speak to Even that he hadn’t thought for a single second about whether anyone had seen the two of them come in this bathroom, but now that they’re about to walk out of it he’s slightly nervous. Even can obviously sense this, because he takes Isak’s hand and kisses the back of it, then tells him with a smile to go find the boys and make up an excuse to leave, and he’ll meet him on the corner outside in a few minutes. “How’d you know the boys are here?” Isak asks curiously. 

“I mean, unless you’re stalking me via GPS and came here by yourself...”

“I had no idea you’d be here. They dragged me along.”

Even hums quietly and brushes a kiss across his cheek. “Fate.”

“Mhm. The universe brought us back together.”

“We’re in a good one, then.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WE HAVE SKEWED INTO A TANGENT! Things will be, hmm, rather different from canon from here on out, but with some familiar scenarios still popping up. Hopefully it’s still enjoyable for everyone! 
> 
> Also, the passage referred to in the opening paragraph of this chapter is credited to Stephen King, although I cannot for the life of me recall which of his novels it's in >_<
> 
> And thank you all so so so much for the wonderful reception you’ve given this fic so far; it means more to me than I could ever possibly express ♥♥♥


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In a parallel universe, the rest of the boy squad actually shows up at the first _kosegruppa_ meeting and Isak stays for the love games. A story in which small changes can make big differences, and the curtains in Isak's room might just be yellow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, [Daf](http://josteninski.tumblr.com) and [CZ](http://adamparishe.tumblr.com) are my angels, and also thank you thank you THANK YOU to [Ciara](http://allyasavedtheday.tumblr.com) for coming to my rescue more than once. P.S. there is a fairly heaping side of Eva/Vilde in this chapter, enjoy!

Getting home from Emma’s takes absolutely forever. Isak hadn’t known how much of a toll these past six days without Even had taken on him until they’re practically sandwiched together on a busy tram; Even’s _so close_ and Isak’s skin is itching for his touch. If he had the guts to do it, he’d just lean over and kiss him right here in front of everyone.

Even doesn’t help at all, the _jerk,_ because he keeps giving Isak these knowing little smiles and silently raising his eyebrows at him, so by the time they finally get to their stop Isak wishes he could pull off _running_ to his apartment building. He only runs if he’s being chased, okay, but he cannot be alone with Even fast enough. _Completely_ alone - not just in the building or in the hallway. Once they’re actually inside his flat, behind a safely locked door, he is going to ravage this boy.

His hand shakes a little as he’s getting his key in the lock and he thinks Even actually lets out a snicker but there’s this weird buzzing in his ears from how fast his blood is pumping so he’s not entirely sure? And he’s just praying that no one’s in the living room so they don’t have to stop to exchange stupid hellos because he will literally drag Even by his shirt to his room and to hell with what Eskild or Linn think of it. 

But the whole place is blessedly dark and silent, and Isak yanks a now very obviously giggling Even through the door, slamming it shut behind him before crowding Even right up against it and crashing their lips together with stinging force. It’s a mess of a kiss, all tongue and no finesse, because Isak is _aching_ for him and it’s made him forget nearly everything he’s learned about the way Even likes to be kissed. He’s tugging at Even’s hair and literally whining into his mouth, needy as fuck and _he doesn’t care._

Isak’s snapback falls to the floor somewhere between the front door and his bedroom, along with Even’s denim jacket. They’re evidence, but he doesn’t care about this, either. 

All he cares about is getting them to his room, getting the fucking door shut. Getting his clothes _off._ There’s no time now for insecurity about his body, especially when Even starts _helping_ and what is he supposed to do, _not let him?_ The lights are on in his room and Even can see everything, his eyes greedily drinking Isak in between kisses, but Isak is too blinded by want to be shy. Let him look. Let him have it all.

And when Even starts kissing down his neck and down his chest and _down his stomach_ and then _lower_ all Isak can do is allow it to happen. He dares to look down, just once, and that’s all he can take. He realizes dazedly that this is some line he’s crossing over at last, and then he feels Even fumbling for his hand, squeezing his fingers tight, and suddenly they’re crossing it together.

\---------

They're lying side by side under the duvet, facing each other, and Even is tenderly stroking his hair with a soft, sweet smile. Isak is so warm and sleepy, floating in some haze of bliss that he already knows will take days if not weeks to emerge from, and he’s so, so okay with that. 

There’s too much space between them. He knows he won’t be able to look at Even properly if they’re closer, but he’s already addicted to Even’s skin, has to touch as much of it as he can. So he slides across the bed to curl his body right into Even’s, nerves thrumming at every point of contact, and lets out a deeply contented sigh, closing his eyes when he feels Even’s lips against his forehead. 

He wants to talk about it but isn’t sure of the words. He’s all emotion right now, exhausted and liberated and reeling and _cathartic,_ even, and he’d fuck it all up if he tried to tell Even. But the way Even is cuddling him and caressing his back so gently tells Isak that he already knows, anyway. They can talk later. For now, all they need to do is feel. 

\---------

“So when did you know?” Even asks the next morning. He’s still naked, they _both_ are, and just a moment ago they’d been kissing, too, but somehow Isak isn’t annoyed by the interruption. 

“Know that you’re the one for me?” he replies, the words half-muffled in Even’s neck. “Sometime between the first time we got high together and the second. That’s the best I can do right now.”

Even laughs and it’s so much more wonderful when he does it _naked._ (Isak is pretty sure everything he could possibly do will be better in this state.) “No, but thanks, I’d kind of been wondering that, too.” He nuzzles Isak’s nose before playfully kissing the tip of it, and moves back enough to look at him, his face more serious now. “No, I meant, when did you _know._ Who you are.”

 _Oh._

“Umm,” Isak starts, not quite looking at him. “When did I start to wonder, or when did I know?”

“Both.”

“When I was about 14, and last year.” He shifts his eyes back to Even’s face - he’s smiling so kindly that it seems silly to be nervous, so Isak exhales slowly and adds, “Around Christmas.”

“Did something happen around then to get you there?”

Isak’s heart skips a beat. He bites at the corner of his lower lip, debating... “Sort of. I’ll tell you about it some other time.” 

Even nods, blinking slowly in a clear show of understanding, but adds, “That's when your dad-- I mean, was that part of it, too?”

“A lot was happening around then so maybe? I don’t know. I just accepted it, I guess.” He makes a face, clicking his tongue. “Well, I don’t know if _accept_ is really the right word, because I still had a lot of trouble with it. Still do.” He notices Even’s eyes flicker at that, but goes on, wanting to avoid further questions. “I guess that’s when I understood it? Like, ‘okay Isak, this is actually what’s going on, you’re not imagining it, so you need to start dealing with it’. And I didn’t really deal with it well at all. Honestly, it wasn’t until I met you that _accept_ became a word I could even think about using.”

“Me?”

“Mhm.”

“Why?”

Isak has to smile, just has to. This amazing boy has no idea, does he? “Because you were the first person who made me feel okay about it. Like it wasn’t something to feel guilty about.” 

And no, Even clearly doesn’t know because he looks stunned, almost awed. “Me?” he repeats, but his tone is so tentative this time that it’s a little heartbreaking. When Isak nods, Even licks his lips and leans in to kiss him, laying his palm gently against Isak’s cheek. Oddly, the kiss feels more like a ‘thank you’ than a ‘you’re welcome,’ and Isak pours as much of his own gratitude into it as he can. 

When they break apart, he gives Even a small smile and nudges his leg under the duvet. “What about you? When did you know?”

Even’s nose scrunches in thought, distracting Isak _terribly,_ but he manages to stay in the moment and fully hear Even’s answer. “About the same as you, I think. 13 or 14.”

“And you handled it okay?”

Even’s still smiling, but his eyes narrow slightly. “Sort of. I’ll tell you about it some other time.” 

It takes a few seconds for it to click that he’s just repeating the same thing Isak himself had said, and he’s actually sort of thankful for it. He’s not sure if he could handle knowing just yet if he’s the first guy Even’s been with or not. “Some other time then,” he replies softly, and kisses him again, then again, and somewhere in the middle of the third time he twines his fingers into Even’s hair, a nearly foolproof method of keeping Even’s lips on his for as long as possible, since he’s decided that's enough words for a while.

\---------

Later, after they’ve reluctantly gotten dressed and Even has fixed them breakfast, they’re back in Isak’s room because he’s not quite ready to deal with Eskild yet. They’re not exactly-- okay, yes, they’re hiding. He wants Even all to himself for a while longer, just a bit more time in this safe little cocoon they’ve created. 

But he can’t ask Even to hide indefinitely. That’s part of why he’s already gearing up for the next big discussion, quietly sorting out thoughts and formulating his plans. He just wants to make sure the timing is right, and he thinks this morning could be it because Even seems to be fine now, fully recovered from his tearful confession the night before. Apparently all he needed was reassurance from Isak that this thing between them could really happen, and that there was no need for him to be afraid of anything. 

It’s still perplexing to Isak though - Even is so gorgeous, and smart and funny and sweet and pretty much perfect, and could obviously have anybody he wanted, anyone at all, so why had he been so scared? No matter what ended up happening with Isak, it’s doubtful he’d ever be alone for very long. It seems to Isak that he has much more to lose here than Even does. He’s not going to question it any further, though. Even is okay, and that’s enough.

They’re looking through Netflix on Isak’s laptop for something to watch - a monumental challenge, it turns out, since their tastes are so different - and after a few minutes Isak just tunes out, staring at Even’s profile instead of the screen. Even doesn’t seem to notice since he’s still very engaged in the search, which means they’ll probably end up watching a black-and-white movie in Polish or something. Isak honestly couldn’t care less as long as he gets to curl into Even’s side and press tiny kisses to his neck every few minutes.

“Do I have something on my face?” Even asks quietly, almost absentmindedly, and Isak jumps. Even’s eyes finally shift from the laptop to him, and he’s wearing the same devious smile from the tram last night. 

“I’m just admiring the view,” Isak mumbles, feeling himself blush yet again. He’s pretty sure it’ll be a while before that doesn’t happen. “And thinking about you, and being happy.”

Even lets out a soft ‘aww’ and reaches up to caress Isak’s cheek, balancing the laptop with his other hand. “What are you thinking, specifically?” he whispers, keeping his face very close to Isak’s. 

Well, if that’s not an opening Isak doesn’t know what is. He takes a deep breath... and of course the words get stuck in his throat. “Is this-- are we-- I’m just trying to--” No good. He sighs heavily, shaking his head. It’s too soon for this. He needs to write it all down or something, memorize it. 

And Even is _laughing_ at him, naturally. “You’re fucking adorable, _God.”_ He moves Isak’s laptop aside so he can focus all of his attention (and both of his hands) on Isak himself, cupping his bright red face between them to place a firm, sweet kiss to his mouth. “You can tell me anything. Or ask me anything. I’m right here.”

That’s all it takes. “Last week I caught myself thinking of you as my boyfriend,” Isak says softly, very proud of himself for not stumbling over the word a bit. “Is that what you are? What _we_ are?”

Even laughs again, but this time it’s even more incredulous. “Well, I sure thought so?” he replies, and Isak actually breathes a sigh of relief. “I mean, are you uncomfortable with that label, or...?”

“No, no, I just wanted to make sure we’re on the same page.”

“We absolutely are.” Even tilts his forehead against Isak’s, a gesture that Isak is starting to love more than almost anything in the world, even more than kissing him. “I’m proud to be your boyfriend. Just tell me when it’s okay for us to walk through school holding hands.”

How did he... “That’s sort of what why I brought it up, actually,” Isak says slowly, marveling that they seem to be not just on the same page but the same _sentence._ “Because I’m really happy and it’s going to be hard to to not show it around my friends. I could try, I mean fuck, I’ve been playing a part for so long that it wouldn’t be a big deal to keep doing it, but I don’t want to.”

“Then don’t,” Even says, as if it’s just that simple.

Isak closes his eyes, sighing. Okay, maybe they’re not perfectly in sync yet. “I’m not ready to tell the whole fucking world.”

“Wait, about you, or about us?”

“Either. Or both.” He’s starting to feel a bit helpless. “Whatever you’re okay with? I’m not even sure where this conversation is going now.”

Even takes both of Isak’s hands with his own, and it instantly calms him. “This isn’t about me. I’m fine with whatever you want to do, you dork.” He gives Isak a gentle smile and kisses his cheek, then sits back again and brushes the backs of Isak’s hands with his thumbs. “I kind of like the sneaking around thing, to be honest. It's hot. It’s not exactly healthy, but if you want to keep this a secret for a while, that’s okay.”

Isak is shaking his head before Even has finished his sentence. “I don’t want to ask you to do that. It would be like I’m still ashamed of this, of you. The way I feel about you. And I’m not.”

“I know,” Even murmurs. “So tell me what you want to do.”

“That’s the thing, I don’t really _know._ I just know I’m not ready to tell the guys yet. Mahdi and Jonas and Magnus.”

Even blinks, frowning slightly. “Why?”

 _They’ll hate me. They’ll hate me for lying to them, if nothing else._ He can’t bring himself to think about what they’ll say to him being gay because it’s too terrifying, so he’d rather focus on the lesser evil as his excuse for putting it off. But saying any of that out loud is just too much, even to Even, so he just shrugs and says, “I don’t know.”

Even doesn’t believe him for a second, Isak can tell, but he doesn’t push. “Okay. You want to start slowly, then?”

“Yes, I think so.”

“Who?”

Isak chews at his lower lip, avoiding Even’s eyes for a moment. “Well, Eskild knows already. And he kind of has a big mouth--”

Even interrupts by clicking his tongue loudly. “He would never out you, come on.”

“I _know_ that.” Of course he wouldn’t. God, how long had Eskild kept his crashing here this spring a secret? “He wouldn’t broadcast it, but he might tell Noora. And she might tell Eva.” He lets out a shaky breath and looks back into Even’s eyes, hoping he’ll understand without Isak having to give a huge explanation that he’s not ready to divulge yet. “And I want Eva to hear it from me.”

Even doesn’t say anything, just raises his eyebrows in question. For a wild moment Isak thinks back to that night in the kitchen when Even had asked if he and Eva were something, and is quick to dispel any lingering doubts for him. “It’s just that I owe her that much. I half-told her last year anyway; it’s a long story, but she almost guessed, and if she’d been right I don’t know if I could have denied it. And she already knows something’s been up with me and I promised her twice I’d talk to her about it.” He pauses for breath, staring at Even, who now looks much less apprehensive but still concerned. “She’s safe. She’s the best place to start,” Isak adds, and smiles.

And if he’s wrong? If Eva decides to exact revenge for the shit he pulled last year by telling the entire school? He’d deserve it, and he wouldn’t hold it against her one bit. Some dark little voice in his mind keeps asking him if he’s tempting fate by beginning with Eva and yeah, he just might be. Worse still, would Even still want to be with him if he knew about all of it? That gives him real pause for a moment, but he decides he’ll just have to cross that bridge if he comes to it.

“If you trust her, then I trust your judgment,” Even says softly. “And I’m really proud of you.” He makes a face, grinning through it. “God, that makes me sound like a parent or something.”

“No,” Isak whispers, sliding both arms around his neck and drawing him close, _melting._ “No, I need to hear it. I need you to be proud.”

“I am, and I’m here, I promise.” Even reaches up to stroke his arms, then moves his hands to Isak’s hips and pulls him into his lap. Isak doesn’t even wait until he’s settled there to lean in and kiss him, letting out a tiny whimper against his mouth. He tries so hard not to cling to Even but knows he’s failing miserably, because he hadn’t known until this moment just how much it really means to him to have someone in his corner. And he’d come so close to losing Even completely. If he hadn’t let his friends drag him to Emma’s last night... 

“Do you want to tell her soon?” Even asks him after a minute, resting their foreheads together again, and Isak nods slightly.

“Before I lose my nerve, I think. I could go see her tomorrow? I don’t know, I don’t want to kick you out or anything. What were your plans for this weekend?”

“To hang out with you until you kick me out.” 

“Then we need to find you a toothbrush, because I don’t ever want you to leave.”

\---------

Isak decides to just show up at Eva’s without contacting her first; she’s less likely to have an excuse to turn him away. So, late Sunday afternoon he and Even both leave his apartment and prepare to part ways - Even for his own home, just for the night, and Isak for Eva’s.

“Call me as soon as you’re done, okay?” Even tells him, looking directly into his eyes since he knows Isak wouldn’t be comfortable with any sort of physical contact out here on the street. Isak nods, wishing so badly that he could at least take Even’s hand and give it a grateful squeeze, but his throat closes up at the very thought. 

On the way to Eva’s, he realizes he’s not exactly _nervous._ She won’t laugh at him or accuse him of being a fake or be disgusted by him. Mostly, he’s just determined to get this over with, because he knows in his heart that once he’s over this hurdle, the rest will be much easier than they seem right now. 

He can’t even remember the last time he’d come to Eva’s bedroom window, but it feels like only yesterday once he’s actually there. It’s almost fully dark now, so the light in her room makes it very easy to see inside - which he’s thankful for, because he can see right away that Eva isn’t in there by herself. 

She and Vilde are sitting side-by-side on the bed, watching something on a laptop that’s sitting half on Eva’s leg, half on Vilde’s. That’s how close together they are. Furthermore, Vilde’s head is on Eva’s shoulder, and when Isak squints, he thinks he sees them holding hands, too. 

Part of him wants to back away from the window and call this off immediately. It’s an extremely private moment and all he can think about is how he would feel if he found out someone had seen him cuddling with Even like this. Guilt is already spreading through him, hot and horrible.

But at the same time, he just can’t look away. They look so cozy and at perfect peace with each other, and it tugs at his heart. And after a moment, he realizes that Eva definitely won’t be upset with him when he says what he’s come to tell her, because if he’s interpreting this correctly they’re in the same boat now. 

He’s still staring. He feels terrible for it but he can’t help it. Eva and Vilde. He’s suspected for weeks now, ever since _kosegruppa_ and all of Vilde’s subtle little hints, but seeing it, actually seeing them together like this--

He gasps out loud when, quite suddenly, Vilde lifts her head from Eva’s shoulder, turns Eva’s face toward her, and places a soft kiss on her lips. It’s just a short one, but from the way Eva’s smiling into it, and the way she appears to cuddle even closer to Vilde afterward, it’s definitely not their first one. 

Heart racing, Isak finally moves back from the window and stands up straight, gazing blankly around as if Eva’s yard is going to give him advice on what the hell he’s supposed to do now. Then he starts walking toward the front of the house, trying to piece together his options. 

He could respect their privacy and leave, and hopefully tomorrow he’ll still be in the right mindframe to talk to Eva. But he’d have to tell Even why he’d left, and he doesn’t want to lie to him but it’s not his place to out the girls. So that’s sort of... yeah, not going to happen.

He’s just so _ready_ to do this tonight, and if Eva’s willing to let him in, is it really such a big deal that Vilde’s here, too? He can speak with Eva privately. 

But then again, does he really need to? Vilde has proven time and again that she understands him and is sympathetic to his situation - and now he certainly understands why, no further questions. He doesn’t know her nearly as well as he knows Eva, but a bond has formed between them unlike he has with any of his other friends. She _gets_ him. He wants to hear what she has to say about this.

Nodding to himself, he walks directly to the front door and rings the bell. For a second he almost panics, wondering if Eva will just ignore it altogether, but then he hears the sound of footsteps running into the foyer.

“Hi!” Eva’s breathless and her hair is a bit mussed, but her smile is absolutely genuine. Isak just isn’t sure how much of it is due to the sight of him and how much is because of whatever she’d just been doing down in her room. “Did you text me or something, I didn’t--”

“Uh, no, sorry. Surprise?” He gives her a quick, tense smile, suddenly unsure about this all over again. “Are you busy?”

“No, no. Uh-- Vilde’s here, though.”

“That’s okay.”

She beams at him again. “We’re just watching a movie, do you want to join?”

Okay, he clearly hasn’t interrupted anything too serious, and he can breathe a little easier now. “Actually, I came over to, um...” He looks straight into Eva’s eyes, swallowing hard. “Remember that thing we talked about on Friday?”

Immediately, her smile fades and her expression becomes concerned, identical to the way she’d looked in the school hallway. “You want to talk about it? Now?” She glances over her shoulder, obviously thinking about Vilde’s presence. “I mean...”

“Vilde can be there too,” he says smoothly, and gives her a nod when she frowns in confusion. “Yeah.”

She’s obviously still unsure, but steps aside to let him in anyway. “We’ll go downstairs?” she asks, and he nods again, feeling quite calm now. Everything’s going to be fine.

“You look a lot more relaxed than you did at school,” Eva tells him as he’s sliding his shoes off and removing his coat. “You’re not stoned, are you?”

They both laugh quietly, and Isak shakes his head. “You’ll understand why in a minute.”

Eva’s eyebrows dart up. “Okay, I’m _really_ curious now. Move faster.” She pokes his side and he playfully smacks at her hand, giving her a warning look. “I’m not going to tickle you! Just go. Vilde!” She’s yelled the name without warning and Isak glares at her for real this time. “We have company!” she adds at the same volume, and winks at Isak, who practically runs downstairs to her bedroom just to get away.

Not surprisingly, Vilde looks startled to see him, but she starts to smile almost instantly and gets up from Eva’s bed to greet him with a hug. A few awkward moments pass while Eva fills her in on why he’s there, but he’s still not nervous. The three of them are perched on the bed, the girls leaning against the wall in the same positions Isak had seen them in through the window, only not quite as close together now, and they’re both looking at him expectantly. It’s now or never.

“Okay,” he begins, and exhales slowly. “So, the thing about me acting a little weird lately.” He looks first at Eva, who understands the reference, and then at Vilde, who doesn’t really, but is now smiling at him warmly, and giving him a tiny nod that Eva won’t notice. God. If someone had told him two months ago that one day soon he’d be infinitely grateful to Vilde of all people, he would have laughed in their face.

It’s enough to make him throw out the whole stupid speech he’d been planning all the way over here. He was going to dance around the subject, draw it out, make Eva fucking _guess_ in a sick sort of mirror to that awful conversation they’d had in the kitchen at Iben’s last Christmas. But there’s no need for any of that, really. He can just be straightforward and honest. Rip off the bandage in one swift motion. 

“I’ve been seeing someone. A guy. A guy you both know.” Eva lets out three successive gasps, one after each sentence and each one louder than the one before it. And Vilde - Isak actually thinks he might adore her after this - lays her hand on Eva’s knee without even looking at her, and Eva quiets down at once. “And it got really messed up between us last week but now everything’s okay, and we’re-- we’re together.”

“Isak!” Eva positively _squeals_ his name, staring at him with her mouth wide open. “Who is it?!”

But Vilde hisses at her and leans forward, looking intently into Isak’s eyes. “He’ll say when he’s ready, Eva.”

She’s in his _brain,_ yet it doesn’t surprise him at all. “Yeah, I just-- Eva? Last year, when I told you I had feelings for you? I mean, I like you a lot and everything, but that was a lie, and I’m sorry.”

But Eva just flaps her hands at him. “I knew that already. Go on.”

“And when I was dating Sara, that was a lie, too. I mean, yeah it happened, but it wasn’t real for me. Neither was any time you’ve heard about me hooking up with some girl.” 

“Isak, are you gay?” Vilde’s voice is low, steady, gentle. It’s exactly what he needs. 

“Yeah, I am.”

He doesn’t really know _what_ he’s expecting, but it’s definitely not Vilde launching herself across the bed to fling her arms around him so hard he almost falls to the floor. It makes him completely miss Eva’s reaction, but it’s weirdly okay, because Vilde... Vilde is really the one he’s here for, he realizes. 

“I am too,” she whispers fiercely in his ear, and pulls back enough for their eyes to meet - volumes of mutual understanding passing silently between them in mere seconds - and then she scoots back beside Eva, a euphoric smile on her face.

Eva, meanwhile, has been waiting impatiently for her turn, and she leans over to hug him now as well, squeezing him tight around the neck and actually rocking him from side to side a little, making them both chuckle. “I’m really proud of you!” she sighs, and kisses each of his cheeks. “Do we get to know who, though? I’m sorry, I’m just sort of dying here.”

“You and your gossip,” Isak says, shaking his head at her with a small smile. Then he takes a deep breath and glances at Vilde, who’s still just gazing at him as if she knows all of his secrets and would take them with her to the grave if he wanted. “It’s Even,” he says softly, the name gliding off his tongue like the most natural thing in the world. “The third year? Really tall?”

“And _so_ handsome,” Eva almost moans, her head flopping onto Vilde’s shoulder. “Oh, you lucky little shit. He’s really great-- but hang on, doesn’t he have a--”

“They broke up before we got together,” Isak interrupts, not wanting her to finish. Vilde lets out a little snort and immediately covers her mouth with her hand, causing Eva to stare at her and Isak to almost snort, too.

He can tell that Eva has about a hundred more questions and he’s ready to answer, well, at least some of them, but he wants to let Even know how it’s going before things get out of hand and it’s suddenly midnight. So he excuses himself for a moment, pulling out his phone to send him a quick text.

_All good here ❤ Might be a while before I call though. And Eva thinks you’re super hot ;)_

“Okay, sorry,” he says, dropping his phone onto the bed beside him, but before any of them can say another word the text notification sound chimes through. He grabs his phone again and just stares at the reply from Even - eleven or twelve heart emojis in a row - and has to resist the urge to clasp it to his chest with a lovesick sigh.

“That’s the sweetest fucking thing I’ve ever seen,” Eva says dreamily, and Isak grabs the nearest pillow to throw it right at her head. 

\---------

He spends the next few days living a surreal dual life - behaving exactly the same as he always has at school while sharing his bed, his body, his whole heart with Even at night. Yeah, he’d thought telling his friends would be a snap after Eva and Vilde, but as soon as he sees the guys on Monday morning he completely freezes up. It pisses him off and he tries his best to not take it out on anybody, especially Even, though he’s sure Even can sense it. 

He keeps remembering what Eva had told him when he’d voiced these fears to her the other night - “Don’t be an idiot. Jonas loves you to the fucking moon and back! He’ll be so okay with this, he’ll support you through anything. You could straight up murder somebody and he’d help you hide the body. I’m _pretty_ sure it won’t matter to him that you like boys.”

Because he knows every word of it is true, he _knows_ that. So he can’t understand why it’s so difficult to just tell Jonas - Mahdi and Magnus are another story, perhaps, but Jonas... why can’t he do it? What’s the block there?

And it finally comes to him on Wednesday night, when Even has already fallen asleep beside him and Isak is watching him by the single ray of moonlight illuminating his face, making him look like some fucking Bernini sculpture or something. He’s so beautiful Isak could almost cry, and he’s all his. No one has ever been so completely his like this, not even-- _Jonas._

Jonas had been the first, the only one for so long. And he’d known right from the start that it could never, ever happen, but that was _okay_ because it made him safe. Isak could hang out with him all the time and still admire him and it was _safe._ He knew Jonas would never belong to him, even before he started dating girls. And then he was Ingrid’s, then Eva’s, then a whole string of others’, and it never really hurt that much, because Isak had always known that was just how it was. 

But now Even has taken the small place Jonas used to occupy in his heart and so much more space beyond it. Isak is just now realizing this, and he feels like he’s somehow betrayed Jonas in the process. And now he has to _tell_ him.

_Rip off the bandage. That wound has healed, so just rip the motherfucker off._

\---------

It’s absurdly easy in the end, really. Isak is discovering that most things are.

He and Jonas are at their lockers at the end of the day, and he’s trying to hide a sad little smile that’s the result of the drawing he’s just discovered Even had hidden in his jacket pocket. It’s of Isak and Even with their hands linked, and the rest of the boys surrounding them, all five of them laughing, captioned with ‘at the same time in a different universe... or soon in this one?’. It’s the final little nudge he needs.

“I’ll host the pregame tomorrow, if you guys want,” he tells Jonas without preamble. Jonas looks mildly surprised, a smile slowly spreading over his face. “I know I’ve been kind of MIA lately, sorry.”

“That’d be cool, yeah,” Jonas replies, still looking a bit puzzled. “Is everything okay, by the way? We’ve noticed the whole MIA thing but weren’t sure what to say.”

“Everything’s great,” Isak says quietly, and swallows hard, his heart already pounding. “Better than ever.”

Jonas just ponders that for a moment, then says exactly what Isak’s expecting to hear. “Any particular reason why?”

He doesn’t have to weigh the words first, or think about them at all. They just come. “Remember when Even came over to us that day and returned my hat-- _your_ hat?”

“Yeah?”

“And remember that Halloween dance thing that neither Even nor I showed up for?”

“...Yeah?”

“And how I bailed on the party at Emma’s the other night after we’d only been there for ten minutes?”

Jonas doesn’t respond this time; he’s staring at Isak with just a hint of a smile, and gives him a very small nod.

“None of those were coincidences.”

“And Even... was the common factor in all of them.” It’s not a question. Not in the slightest bit.

Isak takes a deep breath, lets it out slowly, and says simply, “Yes.”

“You’re with him? For real?”

“I’m with him.”

Jonas doesn’t hesitate for a second before grabbing Isak in a bear hug, clapping him hard on the back, and Isak is so relieved that his knees almost give out. He doesn’t give a shit that they’re in the middle of the school hallway - he throws his arms around Jonas in return and the two of them just stand there like that for almost a full minute. 

He’ll apologize for lying some other time. Right now, they don’t have to say anything else. He’d learned how to read Jonas like a book long ago. 

Isak can see Mahdi and Magnus heading down the hall toward them and whispers as much into Jonas’ ear, but Jonas doesn’t let go just yet. Instead he gives Isak one more tight squeeze and presses a loud kiss to his cheek, then mumbles, “If he ever hurts you I’ll fucking kill him,” before releasing him at last, and gives him a truly smug grin. Isak just grins back, nodding, and the two of them then focus their attention down the hall at their other friends.

“Issy-K here says he’ll host tomorrow,” Jonas tells them, holding out a hand for them to clasp in greeting.

“Fucking _finally,_ ” Mahdi mumbles. “I forgot what your place even looks like.”

“What’s happening after, does anyone know yet?” Magnus says it sort of loudly since he’s bopping his head to a song playing from Mahdi’s phone, one earbud still in place.

The other three look at each other and shrug, and Magnus almost starts pouting. “Don’t worry Mags, no matter what there’ll be plenty of girls for you,” Jonas says, and glances at Isak before adding under his breath, “More than usual, actually,” and Isak nudges him with a snort.

But before either Mahdi or Magnus can pick up on this, Even is suddenly at Isak’s side, having sneaked through the door behind them. Isak’s breath catches just as it always does, but he’s no longer deathly afraid of someone noticing the signals that might pass between them. He just watches with a tiny smile while Even exchanges hellos with each of the guys, but the meaningful looks Jonas is throwing his way mean even more to him. The biggest weight of them all has been lifted. Jonas is so fine with this - clearly elated in his own quiet way, firmly in Isak’s corner and, as he’d said, ready to fight for his fucking honor. What more could Isak ask?

“We should hang out,” Magnus exclaims to Even, eyes wide. “Seriously. I’ve barely seen you since that party at Isak’s.”

Mahdi’s nodding in agreement, and Even’s just beaming at both of them while standing close enough to Isak for their fingertips to brush together, and it’s _amazing._ So amazing that he’s struck with an idea to make Even’s drawing a reality much sooner than either of them probably expected. “You should join our pregame tomorrow,” he says, as casually as he possibly can. “It’s at mine.”

Even stares at him for a fraction of a second with a look of pure adoration before it shifts to one of sheer joy. “Yeah?” he asks, then glances around at each of the others in turn for confirmation. They’re all nodding, and Isak feels a little jolt when he sees that Jonas is especially enthusiastic. “Okay then, sure,” Even says, focusing solely on Isak again. “I’m pretty sure I remember where your place is,” he adds, actually giving him a small wink that none of the others can see.

Isak has to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing. “I’ll text you details,” he manages to say, and Even touches the small of his back very briefly before walking away, giving Magnus a cheerful high-five as he passes.

“Sweet,” Magnus says to the three of them, hitching his backpack more securely onto his shoulders. “Good call Isak, seriously good call there. That guy’s awesome.”

“Yes he is,” Isak murmurs, and glances up to see Jonas staring blatantly at him. “It’s lucky you already like him,” he says, directly to Magnus this time. “I think you’ll be seeing him a lot more. Around me.” He looks from Magnus to Mahdi and back again, nodding slowly. 

“Why, are you guys hanging out a lot?” Magnus asks, and suddenly cackles, throwing an elbow into Jonas’ ribs. “Ha, are you getting replaced?”

The irony is too much for Isak - he has to half-turn his body in an effort to muffle a loud snort, and clears his throat very deliberately before saying, “Something like that, yeah, maybe.”

Magnus is still chuckling but Mahdi is frowning at Isak slightly, looking from him to Jonas, and Isak can see the wheels turning in his head. “That’s not cool, man,” he tells Isak. “Saying that right in front of him. What the--”

“No, it’s not what you think,” Jonas cuts in, saving Isak from having to come up with something. “Just... they’re hanging out, everything’s fine. And yeah, I think he’ll be around more. We’ve got room for another, don’t we?” Jonas is giving him another hard stare, willing him to just _tell_ them already.

“Guys, Even and I are--” Isak stops himself there; the words have just fallen out of his mouth before he even knows they’re coming. He takes a quick breath and finishes with “--together,” before exhaling, his eyes darting between Magnus’ and Mahdi’s stunned faces. “We’re together,” he says again, just in case they didn’t get it the first time, and gives them a firm nod. “That’s what’s happening.”

“You’re... you mean you’re hooking up?” Mahdi asks slowly.

Isak shakes his head, glancing at Jonas for backup, but Jonas just raises his eyebrows. “No, we’re, uh. We’re past that point.” Okay, they weren’t really ever _at_ that point. “It’s a real thing.”

“Wait a minute, wait a minute,” Magnus says, pressing all ten fingers to his temples as if his head is suddenly throbbing. “Forget the Even part-- you’re _gay?_ ”

The word is piercing coming from Magnus and Isak just barely manages to not flinch. “Yep,” he replies, staring directly at him. 

“When the fuck did this happen?” 

“When he was _born,_ Mags, fuck,” Mahdi snaps, and any remaining apprehension Isak feels regarding Mahdi is instantly gone. “What kind of question is that?”

“I’m sorry?! It’s just kind of a fucking surprise, sue me? Like shit, Isak, why didn’t you say something during that party at your place, when me and Even were sitting right there beside you talking about gay guys and bisexuality and everything?”

This is definitely a discussion he should have planned out instead of just winging it, because of course now the words leave him. Again, Isak looks to Jonas for help, who seems to understand at once. “It doesn’t matter, he’s telling you now, right?”

“I have so many _questions_ though--”

“Magnus,” Isak interrupts, a little angry at himself when he hears his voice crack. “Just tell me you’re not actually pissed, and then you can come over to my place right now and I’ll answer any question you have.”

The three of them look taken aback, especially Magnus himself. “Of course I’m not pissed,” he replies, sounding even more dazed than before. “I’m just fucking surprised, like I said. I mean first of all, Even’s handsome as hell, so how the hell did _you_ pull that off?”

It’s the tension breaker he so desperately needs, that they _all_ need, apparently, because all four of them crack up. “Believe me, I ask myself that like ten times a day,” Isak says. 

“Nah bro, I’m just joking, you’re not bad. Oh fuck!” Magnus’ eyes go wide, and he suddenly grins, pointing at Isak. “During that same conversation! Even was like ‘oh, Isak’s good-looking, isn’t he?’ I should have picked up on it _then_ that he was into you!”

Jonas and Mahdi are laughing harder now, breathlessly asking Isak to explain what the hell Magnus is talking about, but he just waves them off and shakes his head. So they turn to Magnus instead, leaving Isak free to answer the text pinging through his phone.

_Everything go okay with the boys? I can come over if you need me ❤_

Isak smiles fondly at the screen, then glances back up at his friends, who are all snickering over Magnus’ botched recollection of the conversation between himself and Even. He just watches them for a moment, allowing himself time to fully appreciate how lucky he is, and to marvel over how much his life has changed in just a few short weeks. He’s about to reply to a text from his _boyfriend,_ for fuck’s sake. 

_Yeah it’s cool. And I always need you ❤_


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In a parallel universe, the rest of the boy squad actually shows up at the first _kosegruppa_ meeting and Isak stays for the love games. A story in which small changes can make big differences, and the curtains in Isak's room might just be yellow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is mostly unbeta’d because people were super busy this week, so please forgive any glaring mistakes or weirdness :/ And thank you to all the lovely chickadees who let me scream my feelings at them and offered help and encouragement: [Ciara](http://allyasavedtheday.tumblr.com) [Jessie](http://tiptopevak.tumblr.com) [Immy](http://itswinetodaybutpisstomorrow.tumblr.com) [Faiza](http://imansmeskinis.tumblr.com) [Siiri](http://isaksbestpillow.tumblr.com) [CZ](http://adamparishe.tumblr.com) [Daf](http://josteninski.tumblr.com)!!!

Everything’s been going so well lately that it’s only natural for Isak’s brain to start giving off warning signals. The other shoe has to drop sometime, right? He latches onto this upcoming pregame, convincing himself it’s going to be completely awkward to have his friends and Even all in one kitchen together, and he’s a nervous wreck all day Friday, coming close to just calling the whole thing off.

But then he sees how excited Even is in his texts (“how many different brands of beer should I get? what about snacks? or maybe I could cook something?”) and Even’s jitters sort of balance out his own. They attempt to make out in his bedroom before the others arrive, their kisses peppered with anxious giggles, and somewhere in the middle some kind of switch is flipped - they’re both instantly relaxed, calm and collected, like they’ve already hung out with Isak’s friends plenty of times. 

“I’m glad we did this now,” Even murmurs as they’re straightening out their clothes and preparing to leave Isak’s room. “So it’s out of my system. It’s so hard for me not to touch you and I don’t know how you feel about that happening in front of them.”

He hasn’t phrased it as a question, but Isak understands that it is one. He presses one more soft kiss to Even’s mouth, touches their foreheads together, and sighs, “I don’t really know either? It’s going to depend a lot on _them,_ I think.”

Even nods and replies, “I’ll just follow your lead, then.”

Before too long Isak feels so silly for being worried, because the evening goes quite smoothly. His friends treat Even as just another guy, although they do pester him a bit with questions in their attempt to get to know him better. Isak catches Jonas watching Magnus intently every time Mags broaches another topic, and he starts to wonder if the three of them had some sort of rehearsal before coming over here. He ducks his head to hide a smile at the image of Jonas lecturing Magnus on socially acceptable subjects, with Mahdi nodding sagely in the background.

They move out to the living room after a half hour or so, and Isak sits very close to Even on the sofa, his heart beating quickly. Things are fine, everything is _fine,_ so there’s no harm in letting his hand rest on Even’s thigh, right? They won’t even notice.

Except they all do, all at the same time, and what feels like endless seconds of silence spin out before Magnus laughs and claps his hands. “Finally! We know you’re dating, Isak. You don’t have to pretend you’re not.”

The five of them stare at each other before they all crack up, and Isak’s hand relaxes against Even’s leg. After a few moments Even lays his hand on top of his, and Isak isn’t really aware their fingers have laced together but when he glances down to see that they are and no one has said a word about it, he has to hide another smile. 

There’s no news on any decent parties happening tonight, so they just hang out and drink for a few hours (since Even has bought enough beer to host their own fucking party and there’s no room in the fridge for it anyway). By the time his friends are starting to hint about heading home, Isak is half-sitting on Even’s lap and lazily stroking the hair at the back of Even’s neck. Like it’s _nothing,_ like they do this every single week and none of the boys care one way or the other because they’ve seen it a thousand times already. If Even were going home for the night, Isak thinks he might even be okay with giving him a goodbye kiss while the guys are still there - just a small one, no tongue or anything, of course. Even’s staying over though, so that little experiment will have to wait.

And as if Isak weren’t completely head over heels for him already, the moment the door is shut behind the boys and they’re alone again Even wraps him into a tight hug, pressing his lips to Isak’s forehead and whispering against it that they’ve _done it,_ that Isak’s _so brave_ and Even is so fucking proud of him. Isak just allows himself to be enveloped, safe and snug in Even’s arms, and feels more than a little proud of himself, too.

\--------- 

Even’s side of the bed is empty when Isak wakes up the next morning, but he can hear Even and Eskild talking in the kitchen and grins up at the ceiling, because that means Even is cooking. He reaches for his phone to check the time - just after eleven. There’s also a text waiting from his father, which he opens with a bit of apprehension.

_Christmas concert in a few weeks at Sagene Church. Thought you and I could take your mother?_

Isak automatically rolls his eyes, then can’t help but feel bad for it a second later. Yet another attempt at father-son bonding and this time he’s brought Isak’s mother into it, as if they’re a normal goddamn family. He’ll have to think about it another time, when his boyfriend isn’t waiting for him to get out of bed so he can feed him.

He pauses in the middle of pulling on a shirt when he’s struck by a sudden idea - he could bring Even along to the concert. They’d have to talk about it, obviously, and if Even actually agrees to it Isak thinks it would be wise to not surprise his parents by just showing up holding Even’s hand. And anyway, it might be much too soon for such a drastic step. Isak honestly doesn’t know; he’s never had to navigate a relationship before so he has no real clue about the traditional timetables.

Whatever, his breakfast is getting cold.

As usual, Eskild is too enthralled by Even to notice Isak standing in the kitchen doorway. The first couple of times they’d interacted Isak had been paranoid that Eskild’s fawning would either scare Even off or have the complete opposite effect and lure Even away from him, straight to Eskild. Now, though, he just finds it endearing.

“Good morning,” he says at the first pause in conversation, and both of them turn their heads. He doesn’t notice Eskild’s reaction since he’s immediately distracted by Even’s: his eyes light up and he drops the spatula he’s holding into the pan of scrambled eggs, closing the space between them in two of his large strides to cup Isak’s face between his hands for a kiss. 

“Hungry?”

Isak nods, smiling into the second kiss Even gives him. When Even moves back to the stove, Isak greets Eskild with raised eyebrows, taking in the tank top and tight workout pants he’s wearing. “And what are you up to?” he asks, sliding in beside him so he can get a glass from the cabinet. “I mean, other than ogling my man in way less clothes than you should be.”

Eskild and Even share a look and snort in unison, and okay, now Isak's getting annoyed. “I’m going to _yoga,_ ” Eskild replies carefully, brandishing the water bottle Isak hadn't noticed him holding before. “Even offered me eggs and protein is good before exercise, so I had some.”

Oh. Well. “You ate _my_ eggs?” Isak fires back, trying to cover up for his mistake. Then he rounds on Even, giving him his very best mock glare. “Those eggs right there” --he points accusingly at the pan-- “are sloppy seconds?”

“They are not,” Even replies mildly. “He wanted them plain; yours have sour cream. And I already got out the Jarlsberg for you to put on top. I _know_ you.”

Isak crosses his arms over his chest and sticks his tongue out at Eskild. “He likes me better.”

“Believe me, I and everyone else living within 100 feet of your bedroom are well aware of this.” Eskild pats Isak’s arm with a withering smile, then gives Even a nod as he passes on his way out. “You have a kind and beautiful soul, putting up with that one,” he tells Even, and scoots into the hallway before Isak can throw any further insults at him.

Even’s cooking is always delicious, but that’s not the real reason why Isak enjoys eating with him. Every time, he’s reminded of the disastrous cheese toast they shared on that first fateful afternoon. And he knows Even is thinking about it each time too, by the little smiles they share across the table.

“So... Linn’s gone for the weekend, and Eskild won't be back for at least a couple of hours,” Isak says before popping the last bite of his breakfast into his mouth. He’s staring at Even with what he hopes is a suggestive glint in his eyes, but Even, infuriatingly, takes as long as possible to finish chewing and down the rest of his coffee.

“You know we have to clean up first,” Even replies at last, nodding toward the sink. “He’ll bang on your bedroom door and yell at us if he gets home and sees dirty dishes.”

“Can’t we take a break and do them in the middle?”

Even laughs, standing and picking up Isak’s empty plate. “Like you would _ever._ ”

Isak gets up too, joining him at the sink to help, wanting to move things along here. They’re nearly done when Even suddenly gasps and steps around Isak toward the radio so he can increase its volume. “My song!” he cries, and Isak lets out a groan.

“God, not again,” he mumbles, and starts to cover his face with his hands, but Even grabs them both in his own - Isak braces himself for the twirl Even’s going to put him in and still manages to stumble right into him anyway. “Fucking Gabrielle, I hate her _and_ you,” he tells Even loudly, trying to make himself heard over Even singing along.

“You can’t lie to me,” Even says quickly, smirking, and kisses his nose before picking up right where he left off with the lyrics. Isak rolls his eyes, but allows himself to be drawn into dancing with Even anyway. Like he has a _choice,_ and not just because Even’s holding him in a death grip. How could he ever turn down a chance to dance in his kitchen with the man of his dreams, horrible pop song as their soundtrack or not?

It’s at least the third time Even’s put him through this shit. He’ll never admit that the stupid song is growing on him, never in a million years. At least it’s on the radio this time instead of popping up on Even’s Spotify, so the repeat button isn’t an option.

“This is killing my boner, you know,” he murmurs, and Even’s mouth is now close enough to his that their lips brush together as he speaks. “You’re just creating extra work for yourself.”

All Even has to do is tilt his hips just right, and Isak’s declaration is instantly moot - not that it was the least bit true to begin with. “Am I?” Even whispers, dipping his head to drag the tip of his tongue along Isak’s jaw.

Fuck going back to his room. The kitchen floor will do just fine.

\---------

Obviously - _obviously_ \- he loves that Even is spending so much time at his place. It’s absolute heaven. But when he’s frantically trying to finish a forgotten biology assignment before class on Tuesday, and Even texts that his parents are starting to bug him about coming home for a while? Yeah, Isak gets it. He sends Even a quick sad emoji and an ‘okay’ (then another text with a single heart, just so Even knows he’s not pissed) and turns back to his laptop, leaving his phone on the desk.

Sana comes in after a few minutes, and in his peripheral vision Isak sees that she’s staring pointedly at the laptop screen. He can just _feel_ her smug smile. “Number five is wrong,” she tells him a moment later. “You’ve got them switched. Water is the point of low concentration in osmosis, not the high.”

Isak mutters a grateful word of thanks and deletes the incorrect sentence, sighing as he retypes it. “What’s the thing with diffusion again?”

“What ‘thing’?”

“Like how it’s different from osmosis. Does it need the membrane thing or not? My mind is totally blank right now.”

Sana clicks her tongue. “No, it doesn’t. Here, just let me do it. I type faster than you.” She starts to pull Isak’s laptop toward her, but he holds it in place, scowling at her. “Okay, fine! But it's not cheating if you dictate it to me.”

“I can do it if you’re _quiet,_ ” he says coldly, but the corners of his mouth are twitching, giving him away. It becomes a full smile when she mimes zipping her lips and throwing away the key.

There’s still five minutes before class begins. He can get this done. Sana busies herself with getting out her own notes and textbook, flipping pages a bit more loudly than necessary just to annoy him. His phone pings with a text - he assumes it’s a reply from Even and resists the urge to read it right away, leaving the phone be for now. 

Sana clears her throat, then again more significantly. He glances up at her, sees she’s staring at his phone, and nearly bolts out of his chair when he reads the notification.

_**From Vilde:** Hi! How are things with Even? I’m really excited that you guys are together and I’m rooting for you!_

His stomach turns to ice, and the rest of him is momentarily frozen too - he’s can’t look at Sana, can’t bear to see a negative reaction from her. Somehow he’s more afraid of her thinking badly of him than Eva or any of his guy friends, because he’s much less close with her. She doesn’t really care much about him, so in his mind, she’s a good barometer for the rest of the student body. _If Sana snubs me, everyone else will too._ A small part of him knows how irrational this line of thinking is, but he can’t help it. So much for thinking he’s ready.

But then he recalls their conversation from a few weeks ago: _“If something feels right in your heart, don’t deny yourself whatever it is.”_ Isak knows she’d been perfectly aware of what they’d really been talking about despite the fact that neither of them had said it out loud, and she’d given her blessing. So he dares to peek over at her, holding his breath, and is so astonished when she actually _winks_ at him that he lets it out in a loud puff of air.

“Did one of them tell you?” he asks at once. He gestures at the phone. “Vilde? Or Eva?”

She’s smiling slyly at him now, clearly relishing this. “Bitch, please. I’ve known for weeks that Even wanted your D.” 

Isak sputters, staring at her with his jaw hanging nearly to the desk. “Did _he_ tell you? Are you guys friends?” That would be a curveball for sure, since Even’s never mentioned her once, but it’s the only conclusion he can come to right now.

Sana is just looking at him like he’s a total idiot. “ _Kosegruppa?_ Remember? The circle? The taps?”

Oh, _fuck._ How does he keep forgetting about that? 

“Yeah,” she continues, smirking again. “I know how to keep a secret, too.”

He almost laughs, shaking his head at this entire conversation. “Unbelievable.”

“So you guys are a thing now?” she asks, and Isak notices that she’s lowered her voice since more of their classmates are entering the room now. When he nods, she gives him a sweet smile and nudges his foot with hers. “Congratulations. I mean, I think he could do better, but yeah, good for you at least.” Before he can react she winks again, and it honestly warms him all the way to his toes.

“Can you still keep it a secret, though?” he whispers. “I’m telling people slowly, and...” He trails off, allowing his eyes to dart around the classroom at the other students, then looks back at Sana with a slightly pleading expression.

She just nods, and then gives him another friendly nudge, this time with her elbow. “No problem,” she mouths silently, then drums her fingernails on his laptop, reminding him that he still has one more question to complete on his assignment. 

“Shit,” Isak mumbles. He quickly finds where he’d stopped and lets his fingers fly over the keyboard, hardly caring if he gets it right or not, and manages to polish off the last few words just as their teacher is greeting the class. Grinning over at Sana, he sends it off in an email with a flourish, and she just rolls her eyes at him, appearing to go right back to her old self. 

He knows better now, though. She’s just a big softie.

\---------

Being apart is _way_ harder than either of them expected. 

Even sleeps at his own home for the next three nights (although Isak doubts much sleep actually occurs, since they spent half the night texting each other) and on Saturday morning he’s on Isak’s doorstep promptly at ten o’clock. They don’t leave each other’s side for the next 46 hours.

Then on Monday they have to begin a full week of separation. They see each other at school, sure, and steal quick, frantic kisses whenever they can get to a private spot, but the rest of Isak's days... well, they suck, no two ways about it. His friends - all of them, not just the boys - keep giving him grins and little thumbs-ups whenever they see him, and it's _so irritating._ On Tuesday Eva texts to ask if someone found out about him who shouldn't have since he's being so pissy, and all he can muster in response is a quick _No_ even as his heart swells with love that she cares so much about respecting his comfort zone. They _all_ clearly do, because no one outside his circle so much as looks at Isak twice, telling him he's still totally safe. 

School is awful but going home alone every day is pure torture. He growls and grumbles at Linn and Eskild instead of speaking, and when Eskild tries to say that it’s simply blue balls, Isak gives him such a glare that Eskild actually goes pale.

His bed is empty and feels huge, and every time he extends his arm across the mattress in the middle of the night and doesn’t touch Even he snaps fully awake, his heart pounding until he remembers. Being away from him like this is a physical ache in his chest, a gnawing like hunger but a thousand times worse. He starts to wonder quite seriously how healthy this feeling really is. 

But while Isak has merely reverted to his grumpy ways, Even seems to be another person entirely. He’s anxious and agitated every time Isak sees him; he tries to put on a brave face and give Isak his usual bright smile, but his eyes tell a different story. Isak can’t put his finger on what the story is, doesn’t really want to because he’s afraid he’ll just burst into tears if Even explains it to him, unable to cope with his own feelings plus the pain of knowing Even’s. Instead he does his best to distract them both with kisses and gentle touches, with the sweetest of sweet nothings murmured into Even’s ear.

Late Wednesday evening he’s in his room struggling through his English homework when Even suddenly appears in his doorway, breathing hard as if he'd run all the way here and already removing layers of clothing. “We have two hours; they’re at a dinner party,” he says, kicking the door shut behind him, and Isak doesn’t say a word, just vaults off the bed to help him get undressed.

It’s fast and dirty and messy and _loud,_ and is somehow just what they need to sustain them for the next couple of days. They cling to each other afterward, mouths barely separating for long, _long_ minutes. And they actually have time to relax, too - soft laughter and silly stories, Even’s hands smoothing over Isak’s back and Isak’s fingers in Even’s hair and more tiny sweet kisses than either of them can count. 

When their time is up, Even holds Isak’s face tenderly between his hands in a prolonged goodbye kiss by the front door. For once Isak isn’t worried that he won’t be able to breathe after Even leaves, and he’s right. 

But all week, he never once asks Even why his parents want him at home, because some small part of him is afraid to know the reason and he doesn’t know _why._

\---------

On Friday night Isak’s bed finally feels right again with the two of them in it and ready to sleep, but Isak tells Even between apologetic kisses that Jonas wants to hang out with him for a few hours tomorrow. “He noticed I was down this week,” he whispers, stroking Even’s cheek. “I told him why and he gets it, but I think he feels kind of neglected.”

Even just smiles, nodding. “It’s fine, sweetheart. If it’s cool with your roommates I can just stay here? Do homework or whatever?”

The thought of Even lolling around his bedroom by himself is ridiculously sexy for some reason. “Yes, do that,” he says. “And I can be back here for dinner? I’ll stop and get something on the way home.” 

“Perfect.”

When he gets to Jonas’ the next day Isak instantly feels nostalgic - it’s been too long since he’s been here. Because he lives where he does, free from any real authority figures, it’s only natural that his friends gather at his place more often than not and he never minds it. But he’s spent so much time at Jonas’ over the years that it’s always felt like another home to him, and stepping through that door is like stepping back in time.

It’s a long, lazy afternoon. Isak feels better than he has in days and not just because he woke up in Even’s arms this morning; it’s that he can finally be his true and honest self around Jonas, in Jonas’ house and sitting on the same old sofa in the same old living room... he actually gets choked up for a minute, swimming in memories. He’s ready to make new ones - _real_ ones.

Jonas sees, because he always does. “You’re happy, right? With Even?”

“I really am. Not just with him, but with _myself._ ”

“Part of me always knew, you know,” Jonas tells him quietly. “Not-- not specifically, but I knew something wasn’t right for you. At first I thought it was just your family.” He stops, takes a sip from his soda, shakes his head. “I should have asked you.”

Isak gives him a sad smile. “I wouldn’t have told you. Don’t beat yourself up over it, okay?” He’s touched, but he’s got to change the fucking subject, because there’s _so much_ he hasn’t told Jonas - wouldn’t have told him then and hasn’t even begun to work through how to tell him now. “So yeah, I’m the one getting laid on the regular, finally. How does it feel being left out?” he asks with a grin.

“I get laid _plenty,_ asshole.”

“But did you get laid _this morning?_ ”

“I will tonight!”

Isak fakes a yawn. “Me too, so I still win.”

Jonas yanks off his beanie and chucks it at him, and Isak reaches back much too far in his effort to catch it, nearly toppling backward over the arm of the sofa, they’re both cackling like _crazy_ \- and bam, new memory made, just like that.

\----------

He texts Even on the tram home: _Stopping at Coop for food. Want anything specific?_

_Something I could eat off of your chest, maybe._

He’s still red-faced over that reply when he steps off the tram at Hausmannsgate, when he rounds the corner, when he enters the grocery store, and especially when he’s faced with shelves and shelves of possible items to fill Even’s request. Something he could _eat_ off of him? How fucking serious is Even with this?

In the end he just grabs something easy - pasta, tomato sauce, ground beef. Even will probably insist on preparing it, but Isak’s planning to try to talk him out of it and do it himself, because shit, Even deserves it. 

And after it cools down, the sauce could certainly be... licked? From skin? Jesus, he’s losing it. Isak tries to distract himself by wandering through the store picking out a couple of snacks and a few other things he knows they’ve run out of, and by the time he pays for his groceries he’s praying he looks at least somewhat normal to the cashier. When he steps back outside, he’s grateful for the cool early evening air on his face, which still feels too warm.

He can see Peloton at the end of the block and is suddenly craving a coffee, so after checking the time on his phone he decides he can pop in quickly for one to take home, along with one for Even. He’s just sliding his phone back into his pocket when something catches his eye - _someone_ \- and Isak stops right in his tracks, grocery bag still swinging comically from his hand like a pendulum. 

She’s coming down Torggata, stopping at the corner about to cross Hausmanns... clearly heading to Peloton just like he is. And of course, because he’s stopped right in the middle of the sidewalk and is staring at her open-mouthed, she sees him. Slows, then stops in front of the cafe. Smiles at him. Fucking _waves._

Sonja.

He has no choice but to meet up with her, even though she might be the last person on earth he wants to talk to right now, when he’s literally on his way to his apartment to cook dinner for her ex-boyfriend. He really, really wishes an earthquake would hit right now so he can avoid this whole encounter.

“Hi, Isak!” She’s directly in front of him now, beautiful as ever, still smiling and it’s so much _warmer_ than any she’s given him before. How does she not hate him? What the hell is going on?

“Sonja... hey.”

There’s the horrible ‘how are you’s and ‘oh I’m good’s to get out of the way, and then she asks after Vilde, and his roommates, and oh, Isak wants to just take off running away from her. He knows what's coming. 

“And how’s-- how’s Even?” 

Her voice is surprisingly steady, though she does choose that moment to cross her arms over her chest. Isak’s mouth goes dry - why couldn’t he have seen her after he’d gotten his coffee?

“He’s doing great,” he replies, taking care with his words. He could be ruthless right now if he wanted, and part of him really does want to be - just rub it in her face that Even is a thousand times happier with him, maybe even mention that last text he’d sent to Isak. But he can’t possibly, no matter what she’d done to drive Even away, because after all... she’d driven him straight to Isak.

“Is he? No, um...” Sonja inhales deeply, frowning and smiling at the same time. “Issues?” she finishes, staring directly into his eyes.

“Issues? No, no, everything’s fine. He’s really happy, and we’re-- happy together.” 

She barely blinks, but is silent for a few seconds, almost long enough for this to get _really_ awkward instead of just halfway like it is now, and then she nods, almost to herself, as if she’s made a snap decision. “I’m going to give you my number,” she says, rummaging in her handbag for her phone. “I’m actually really glad I ran into you, because I’ve been wanting to talk to you about-- well, just--” She chuckles, waving her hand as if to ward off a fly and then holding it out toward Isak. “Can I have your phone?”

He’s so stunned by this twist in the conversation that he hands it over without a word; Sonja adds her information to his contacts and gives it back with a smile. “You can call me anytime. Okay?” She’s doing the intense gaze thing again, and it dawns on Isak that she might be trying to tell him something. “If anything ever comes up with Even that you just need to talk about. Seriously, call me.”

She’s holding her phone out to him now and Isak takes it, still not saying anything. He types his name and number into it, wishing he could ignore that his heart rate has tripled in the last couple of minutes. “I will,” he replies at last. “Should I tell him you said hi?”

Sonja sucks in another breath, glancing down at the sidewalk as she shakes her head. “I don’t think he’d be thrilled to know we’d spoken, honestly.” When she looks up and meets Isak’s eyes again, her smile is back, but now he can recognize that it’s not really a happy one. He can’t pinpoint what’s off about it, though. 

Suddenly she’s embracing him, quickly but very sincerely. “Good luck with everything,” she whispers, and looks right into his eyes one last time, gives his elbow a little squeeze, and turns to head into the cafe. 

Obviously he’s not going to follow her. They’ve got coffee at home.

\---------

“Hi baby, I’m home!”

The word glides off his tongue so easily that it takes Isak a few seconds to realize he’s said it. _Baby._ He stops halfway to the kitchen and just plays it back in his head, chuckling to himself. God, when did he turn into such a sappy fuck?

Even joins him in the kitchen just as he’s setting down his grocery bag, coming up behind him to slide his arms around Isak’s waist. “Hey,” he says softly, pressing a light kiss to Isak’s ear before hooking his chin over his shoulder. “What’d you bring me?”

“Okay, I didn’t know if that text was a joke or not, so I went with something sort of in the middle.” He peels the bag back enough for Even to see the jar of tomato sauce. “Either way it’ll taste good?”

“Yes indeed,” Even replies, laughing. He kisses Isak’s ear again and then releases him, moving to sit at the table. “How’s Jonas?”

Isak nods slowly with a small smile. “He’s good. We had a nice day.” He allows himself a moment to think back on it, just a moment, and then he turns back to his groceries. “The weirdest thing happened on the way home though.”

“Oh?”

She’d advised him not to bring it up to Even, but he knows firsthand how devastating it can be to keep secrets from the most important people in your life. “Ran into Sonja. She was walking into a cafe, and we stopped to talk for a minute.” He glances over his shoulder to see how Even’s taking it - he’s gone quite still, but doesn’t look upset, so Isak continues unloading his bag, putting the ground beef in the fridge for now. “She looks great and she was really friendly, and yeah _that_ was kind of weird but it still wasn’t the weirdest part. She asked about you, and then she told me I should call her... if I ever wanted to talk about you. It was almost like she was expecting it to happen.”

His heart is beating very quickly now because this is something significant, he’s sure of it. He looks over at Even again, expecting to see almost any reaction - except the one he gets. Even’s face has gone deathly pale and his parted lips are trembling, his eyes _huge..._ he looks utterly, utterly terrified.

“Even?” Isak crosses to him in less than a second, crouching beside his chair and laying both hands over his because he can already see them shaking. “What is it?” His mind instantly flashes back to that bathroom at Emma’s; Even had looked broken then, but this is so much worse. 

“What--” Even’s voice is hoarse and cracked. “What else did she say?” he whispers, sounding as if each word is glass in his throat.

“Nothing really. Well--” Isak winces. This is entirely his fault, his stupid mouth. “She said she didn’t think it would be a good idea for me to tell you we’d talked, but I didn’t want to hide it from you.” He’s trying so hard to stay calm. “Even, please, what’s wrong?”

Even inhales deeply, his jaw working, and then he darts his eyes away from Isak and closes them, shaking his head. “I guess this is happening now,” he says, so softly Isak can barely make it out. Isak grips his hands tighter, biting his lip to keep the tears at bay. Then Even looks back at him, his gaze almost haunted. “I have to tell you something.”

“You can tell me anything.” Isak knows his attempt at a reassuring smile is pitiful, but he has to at least try. For Even.

Even lets out another clearly painful sigh and looks past Isak to the kitchen doorway. “Not here. Eskild or Linn might come in and I don’t want them to hear.”

Without a word Isak stands, helping Even to his feet as well, and leads him by the hand to his bedroom. He shuts the door quietly behind them, locks it, and presses his forehead against the door for a moment to collect himself before turning to look at Even, who’s sitting gingerly on the edge of the bed with that same awful look in his eyes. Isak goes to him, still trying to smile. He wishes he could say something comforting but he’s too scared.

“My parents wanted me to come home last week because they thought I was spending too much time here. Too much time with you. They were worried it might--” Even’s breath catches and it’s obviously hard for him to swallow; Isak wants to kiss him, wants to do anything he can to soothe him. “They were worried,” he repeats, staring at his lap. “That it might be too much for me. Might send me over the edge.” 

“Over--” Isak narrows his eyes. “The edge of what?”

Even scoffs. “My sanity, what else?” He barks out a short, bitter laugh that sends chills up Isak’s spine. “That thing I’ve told you about? With my brain and how it goes haywire? Yeah, that. It’s not ADHD or whatever else you might have been thinking. I’m bipolar. I’m a fucking mess.”

It feels like he’s been slapped in the face. _Mess,_ what the fuck... “You’re not a mess,” Isak tells him firmly. “You’re not. Why would you say that?”

“Do you know what ‘bipolar’ is, what it means?”

“Yeah, I think so. Magnus’ mom is bipolar.”

Even face softens a little. “She is?” He looks away and almost smiles. “I wonder if he could tell somehow, then. Have you met her?”

Slightly frustrated now, Isak replies, “Yeah, she’s awesome. But why did you say you’re a mess?”

“Because I _am,_ Isak. She’s awesome? It’s encouraging that you think that. What do you know about it from meeting her?”

“Why do you keep asking me questions? Just talk to me.”

“I can’t yet. If I tell you about it now you’ll want me to leave. I need to know what you already know so I’ll know how much more to say.”

None of that makes sense to Isak, especially the bit in the middle. It’s another slap in the face. “I don’t want you to leave. I’ve told you that. I don’t _ever_ want you to go.”

“That’s because you don’t know everything yet,” Even whispers darkly.

“Fine! Fine. What do I know? Let’s see.” Isak pops out his thumb. “I know Mags has said she has good days and bad days, just like everyone else, but for her they’re like fifty times more intense.” Out pops his index finger. “I know you’re upset right now and me getting angry like this probably isn’t helping much, so I’m sorry.” Middle finger. “I know that no matter what else you could tell me _I still wouldn’t want you to go._ ”

Even stares at him for a second before exhaling harshly, the breath quivering around the edges. “Okay,” he says softly. “Okay. I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry too, just come here.” Isak doesn’t even wait for a response before gathering Even into his arms and sliding them both carefully across the bed until his back is against the wall and Even is curled up beside him. 

“‘Good days and bad days but way more intense,’” Even says after a minute, repeating Isak’s earlier words back to him. “That’s a pretty good summary, yeah.”

“Why do you think I’d want you to leave if I knew?”

“Because you probably don’t understand how intense it can get. That’s what Sonja meant, why you should call her. She’s seen it all.”

“And she didn’t want you to leave,” Isak whispers, brushing Even’s hair back from his forehead so he can press a kiss there.

“I think she did sometimes, honestly.” Even lets out a sad, quiet little laugh, and they both tighten their holds on each other at the same moment. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before.”

“It’s okay.”

“No, but it just sucks that it had to come from-- from her. I mean, I should thank her for being discreet about it, but yeah, every day I’ve woken up and said to myself, ‘you need to tell him. You need to tell him.’ Every single day. And I just kept putting it off.”

Isak hums softly, his lips still against Even’s forehead. Even still seems to be dancing around things, but it’s progress, so he’s just going to listen.

“I’ve been doing really well lately. Really, really well. My parents... I guess they were right to be concerned. It’s been awhile since-- and anything could set it off. Especially with all these changes. New school, new everything, meeting you. Falling for you. Breaking up with Sonja, getting together with you. It’s a lot. And I’ve been really lucky that it hasn’t-- that you didn’t find out from--”

Even’s whole body is trembling badly now, like he’s shivering from some cold only he can feel. “Hey, I’m here, I’m right here,” Isak murmurs, stroking his back and his arm. “You can tell me.”

“It gets bad, okay? I’ve done shit. Been arrested. Had to leave Bakka. Everything just builds up and builds up and then explodes, and I have even less control. God, I can’t-- it’s so hard to explain--”

“It’s okay, I promise. If it’s too hard you don’t have to, I won’t be mad.”

“And I should have told you long before now. I wanted to, but I was so scared of what you’d say, that _you’d_ just up and leave, not even telling me to leave instead. Just walk out on me. That’s what I was trying to get across to you at that party. That you might not be ready for this, it’s too much for you to handle. You thought I just meant that you weren’t ready to be out of the closet, didn’t you?”

“I did. Aren’t you clever?”

“Because Sonja kept saying you weren’t. She said you’re just a kid and you’re scared of your own shadow so how could you ever deal with this? And it made sense in the moment - that’s the thing. I didn’t want to believe her but she always knew how to twist things just right and make it sound plausible. She _laughed_ at the idea of me being with you. But you said she was nice to you today?”

Isak nods, feeling a bit stung, really, but it’s not Even’s fault. “She seemed genuine, yeah. Like she was really willing to help if I needed it.”

“Okay, I don’t really know what I think about that but it doesn’t matter. I’m a mess, like I said, and you’ll have to do whatever you need to do in order to deal with me. Because when something happens and you realize you really can’t handle it... I’m scared that I’ll hurt you one day. And then you’ll hate me.”

“Stop it,” Isak whispers. 

“It’s happened before.”

“Well, whoever that was? Wasn’t _me._ Because I’d be alone without you too, you know.” The words are little more than breath against Even’s ear. “I’ve always been alone. So I’m not letting you go without a fight, okay?”

Even buries his face into Isak’s neck, clinging to him so tightly it knocks the wind out of him. All Isak can do is hold him, rub his back while the sobs work their way out. It takes a long time.

When it finally seems as though Even can hear him, Isak cups his face and tilts his head back so he can look right into his eyes. “Jonas asked me today if I’m happy, and I told him that I am - happy with you, and happy with myself. For the first time since I can remember, I don’t hate everything about myself. And you did that for me. You know that, right?”

Even shrugs and half-nods, still sniffling quietly. “That’s what I was hoping. I was trying to help you get to the best possible place before all of this got out in the open, so if you decided it was too much and left, I knew you’d still be okay.”

The tears spill over before Isak even knows they’ve formed. He’d been so proud of himself for being strong for Even throughout this conversation, but now, hearing that... he’s just gone. He sucks in a breath and lowers his head to kiss him, hoping Even can feel every last drop of love he’s trying to convey with it, because he has no idea what the right words are. 

He doesn’t know how much time passes before they pull apart, but when they do Even’s eyes are much clearer and he’s smiling - just a little, but it’s enough. “We’ve got a lot of work to do,” he tells Isak softly, nodding as if he’s resigning himself to their fate. 

“We do. We’ll talk _a lot_ more, if you can do it, and what you can’t tell me I’ll research because you know I’m awesome at it, and I’ll talk to Sonja if you’re okay with that, and you and I will just figure it all out together.” 

“That sounds good,” Even replies, his smile widening. “And you should talk to Magnus, too.”

“ _Yes._ We both should.”

At that, Even’s smile falters and he drops his eyes. “I don’t know if I can do that yet,” he mumbles. 

“Do you not want me to tell him?” Isak asks gently. “I can say it’s for a project or something if you want.”

“Maybe. Sorry, I wasn’t really thinking when I said that.”

“Doesn’t matter, your heart was in the right place.”

But Even shakes his head. “You’re wrong. My heart’s been yours for a while now.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In a parallel universe, the rest of the boy squad actually shows up at the first _kosegruppa_ meeting and Isak stays for the love games. A story in which small changes can make big differences, and the curtains in Isak's room might just be yellow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to [Ciara](http://littlespooneven.tumblr.com) and [CZ](http://adamparishe.tumblr.com) for looking this over, and also to [Jessie](http://tiptopevak.tumblr.com) [Immy](http://itswinetodaybutpisstomorrow.tumblr.com) and [Faiza](http://imansmeskinis.tumblr.com) for their assistance with my weird questions!

They _do_ eat dinner eventually. After an emotionally wrung-out Even has taken a small nap (during which Isak stays wide awake and watches over him, a thousand thoughts running through his head), Isak coaxes him back out to the kitchen. It doesn’t take much prodding, really, especially when Even’s stomach rumbles and Isak gives him a wide-eyed grin, and Even mumbles “okay, okay, you got me” with a shy smile.

Predictably, Isak makes a spectacular mess of everything in spite of Even coaching him from his seat at the table. First he burns the onions and has to chop and sauté a new batch, and not even the wide-open kitchen window prevents Eskild from coming in to bitch at him for the smell. Then he forgets to drain the ground beef before adding the tomato sauce - Even deadpans that the fat will just give it more flavor so it’s okay, and beckons Isak over so he can kiss him on the cheek. By some miracle he _doesn’t_ burn the pasta water, though, so Isak counts the meal as a success.

By the time they’re actually eating, Even seems nearly back to his usual self. He’s smiling and laughing easily, and absolutely makes fun of Isak’s cooking skills even as he stands up to get a second helping. 

After they’ve finished, Isak asks him if he wants to smoke, because he’s pretty sure they could both stand to relax a little more. Even looks embarrassed by the question. “See, this is something I’m going to ask your help with - smoking isn’t good for me. I’ve been doing it way too much.”

“Is it good for anyone, really?” Isak asks with a smile, although he knows exactly what Even means.

“Drinking either, actually,” Even adds, and Isak gives him a huge fake eye roll. “I know. We’re going to be so boring now.”

“We may as well become vegans, too.”

Even snorts, and it’s not until then that Isak realizes they’d both just said ‘we’ without a single thought. The fear that Even felt earlier seems to have dissipated; they’re a _we_ now, this seals it.

\---------

They talk a little more when they're back in Isak's room, because Isak has _so_ many questions and isn’t doing very well with telling himself that he shouldn’t overwhelm Even and that he can just look shit up. Even’s answers are hesitant and Isak feels like an asshole, and tells him they don’t have to do this now, but Even shakes his head. 

“I owe you explanations,” he says, and Isak has to stop him right there with a kiss. 

Then he pulls back just enough to speak, whispering, “You don’t have to tell me everything tonight. You don’t have to tell me everything _ever._ ” 

Even lets out a clearly relieved sigh and nods, and Isak can’t help kissing him again, as soft and sweet as he knows how.

They’ve long since reached that point of being able to easily share silence, so it’s not weird at all when they’re just lying there watching each other a couple of hours later, warm and comfortable under the covers. Isak’s head is still buzzing with questions, but it’s quieter now. Things can wait.

“What are you thinking about?” Even asks him softly.

He’d known this was coming. Even always wants to know. “Just... remember earlier, when you said it’s a good thing I think Magnus’ mom is awesome?” Even nods with a small smile. “I’m thinking about the first time I met her. It was over the summer - Jonas and I were on our way over to Mags’ place and I was riding double on the back of his bike, and we took a pretty bad spill. We were close to Mags’ when it happened, so when we got there we were still bleeding and shaken up. Magnus was like ‘what the hell guys’ and then he yelled for his mom, and she took one look at us and said ‘sit down right there, both of you!’ in this really tough sort of mom voice and Jonas and I thought she was pissed that we were going to bleed everywhere. But then she came back with the first aid kit and was really gentle and nice while she was patching us up. She was sort of fussing over us, really.”

Even is just listening with the loveliest smile on his face, idly tracing Isak’s collarbone with the tip of his index finger. But Isak takes his hand instead, kissing his knuckles before holding it right against his heart. 

“And she was the same the next time I was over there, and a bunch of times after that. Just very patient and like, soothing, but sometimes she’d joke around and give us shit for coming into her house bleeding like that. I liked her a lot, right from the start. And then one day near the end of summer Magnus was really quiet, and I asked him what was up, and he-- he told me his mom is bipolar and that she was on one of her... highs. Sorry, what’s the right way to say it again?”

“Manic.” Even hardly blinks as he says the word, which Isak notes as a definite improvement from earlier. 

“Yeah. And he felt down because he knew what was coming afterward. I asked if there was anything I could do and he said thanks but no, it’s just who she is. I’m telling you all this to say _this:_ my opinion of her didn’t change at all, because I already knew her.”

He pauses for a moment to allow that to sink in, his heart beginning to beat much faster, and he forgets that Even can feel it under his hand. “So just in case you’re still worried, I’m telling you that it’s not going to change the way I think of you, either. I already know you’re smart, and kind and passionate about so many things and sort of a huge dork, and just-- amazing. You’re amazing. And this? Is just part of who you are. You’re still Even, and I still care about you just as much, if not more, because now I know even more about you, and the way I see it, that’s just more of you to love.”

He really hopes this is the right way to look at things, and he _desperately_ hopes that Even will tell him right away if it isn’t. 

But Even doesn’t say a word - he doesn’t have to. For a second Isak thinks he sees a very faint frown line between his eyes, but before he can confirm it’s really there, Even has cupped his cheek and is kissing him so gently, with such gratitude and reverence, that Isak forgets such things as frowns actually exist.

\---------

It hits him like a freight train in the middle of the night.

Even had fallen asleep a while ago, but Isak is still up, still watching him. Still combing through his hundreds of thoughts, making mental lists of things to ask Magnus and Sonja. And he’s still thinking about that story he’d told Even about Magnus’ mother, but it’s a more bitter memory now, because he’s remembering the heartache he’d felt while she’d cleaned the nasty scrapes on his arm and bandaged them - it had been so long since his own mother had done something like this for him that he wasn’t sure anymore if she ever really had. 

He’s trying to rationalize why he’d been so angry at her after she’d gotten sick, but hadn’t felt strange around Magnus’ mom at all. Why had he needed to distance himself from his mother so much that he’d literally run away from home (though it hadn’t felt like home at all anymore, just a place to be trapped in), yet all he wants is to be as close to Even as possible, and to take care of him as much as he’ll allow?

He can’t figure it out. He’s sure it’s all mixed up in his resentment of his father for leaving him alone with her, and probably a good dose of his own self-hatred too. Maybe he could talk to Even about it sometime--

And the realization crashes through his brain hard enough to make him bolt upright in bed. What he’d said to Even in the locker room the day he’d come back to school. About his mother. Calling her crazy. Saying she drives him nuts. That he’d be better off without--

Isak can hardly breathe. How does Even not _hate_ him for saying such a thing? How can he possibly be lying there next to Isak right now, sleeping peacefully? Then the timeline clicks into place: the next day, Even had sent him that text about having second thoughts. Isak had _known_ it had been because of something he’d done, some careless fuck-up that he hadn’t been able to pinpoint, and now he knows exactly what it was. Even had tried to break it off clean not just because he was scared of what _could_ be, but because Isak already had given him a damn good reason.

Part of him wants to wake Even up right this minute, kiss him a thousand times, and apologize until dawn, but the rest of him is just too fucking ashamed. 

It takes several minutes for him to calm down enough to lie back down, moving gingerly so he doesn’t wake Even by accident. He doesn’t really feel worthy of Even’s touch right now but curls into his side anyway, and Even slips an arm around him in his sleep. It’s a long time before Isak closes his eyes, though.

\---------

He tries to put it out of his mind the next day, because he knows if he doesn’t then it’ll only fester and he’ll end up blurting out some half-assed confession just to relieve himself of his guilt. 

Later, he realizes it must be some divine providence that his father sends him the text when he does, because it definitely diverts his thoughts.

_Isak! I asked you a week ago about the Christmas concert and you've ignored me. I know you’re still mad at me for everything, but I’m doing my best here. Attending this concert with you and your mother is a positive step._

Shit, he’d completely forgotten about responding in light of everything that had happened in the last week. He glances quickly up at Even, who is mumbling to himself as he tries to finish a math assignment and tapping his pencil rhythmically against the side of his head. Would it be too much to ask Even about going with him to the concert now, after all they’d been through last night?

_I was dealing with a lot this week and forgot, sorry. I’ll go with you._

Isak sends the reply with slightly shaking fingers and tosses his phone onto the coffee table, then clears his throat. Even’s too engrossed in his work to notice, so Isak shoves his own homework aside and moves to the other sofa where Even’s sitting, watching him until Even finally looks up.

“Hi,” Isak says with a nervous smile. “Can we talk?”

Even glances down at his work and then makes a show of tossing it away, grinning at him. “Always.”

“I haven’t come out to my parents yet,” Isak replies quietly, making sure Even hears that the word is plural. “I’d like to do that soon, mostly because I want to bring you to this Christmas concert with them next week. How do you feel about that?” He’s speaking so softly by the end that he’s not sure Even can actually hear him, but it’s obvious that he can because he immediately takes both of Isak’s hands into his own.

“I would love that, I really would.” 

He’s so stunned by and thankful for the quick answer that he just stares at Even for a few seconds before breaking into a smile. “Yeah?”

“Of _course,_ ” Even murmurs, squeezing his hands. “I’d be honored to go with you. Do you think they’ll be okay with it?”

Isak shrugs, because he doesn’t really have a clue. Their reactions are further than he’s thought. “My dad probably will be. Mom’s a different story.” His voice nearly cracks at the mention of his mother, but Even doesn’t appear to notice and just lifts his hands to kiss the back of each. “I’ve been thinking about her a lot, actually. Last night and today,” he babbles, figuring if he can’t apologize to Even outright then he can at least dance around it. “It’s about time I tried to talk to her, you know? This is a hell of a subject to choose, but I have to start somewhere.”

Even just nods sympathetically, and leans in to brush a light kiss over Isak’s lips. “I agree. I’m here if you need anything, okay? And hey, that reminds me - I should probably let my parents know I’ve told you about my bipolar. Try to get them to lift their restriction on me staying over during the week.” 

He gives Isak a bright smile, and more than anything else this is what helps Isak to feel better. Even’s not stupid, so he’s certain to have made the connection between himself and Isak’s mother, and has almost definitely recalled that awful thing Isak said to him in the locker room... yet here he is, making it absolutely clear that he wants them to spend more time together. He’s not angry or sad or spiteful. Isak doesn’t deserve him.

\---------

He doesn’t want to put it off; he would have done it sooner if the events of the last few days hadn’t distracted him. So he messages his father first, just a simple request for him to get four tickets instead of three because Isak wants to bring his new boyfriend along. Even reads it before it’s sent and _beams_ at him, covering his face in playful kisses. 

The response is just about what Isak expects: _I don’t know if you’re being serious or not but if you are then of course four tickets is fine. But please let your mother know beforehand so she doesn’t get stressed._

Isak can practically hear the unwritten _“and cause a scene”_ at the end of the message and rolls his eyes. That had been relatively painless though, so he’s grateful. 

The one to his mother is much harder to compose. He sits in the kitchen for nearly 20 minutes struggling with it, erasing everything at least three times in frustration, and finally wanders down the hall to his room. To Even. 

“I’m texting her,” he says softly, blinking back tears. “But I can't get it to sound right-- can you help me?”

Silently, Even nods and opens his arms, and Isak crawls onto the bed with him, leaning his back against Even’s chest. Even folds him into his embrace, resting his head on Isak's shoulder, and it's so warm and reassuring that Isak feels better at once. He tilts his head against the side of Even's and holds his phone so Even can see it too, starting to type again. 

It still takes a while to find the right words. Even whispers encouragement, and gentle suggestions once or twice, but Isak does it mostly on his own. 

_Hi Mom. I’ll be seeing you soon, at the Christmas concert with Dad. I know it’s been a long time but I’m looking forward to it. I’m bringing someone with me. It’s a boy named Even who I care about very much and I think you’ll really like him. He’s excited to meet you, I hope you’ll feel the same. I’m sorry if it makes you sad to hear this because he makes me happier than I’ve ever felt. Hugs, Isak._

He drops the phone onto the bed beside them with a shaky sigh and Even just holds him close. Eventually he stops staring down at it in fear that it’ll light up with a message from her that’s just more ranting, because Even’s arms have become a perfect cocoon of safety and he’s held Isak there for long, long minutes now. 

“How long do you think it’ll be before she replies?” Even asks him quietly.

“No idea. Might be days.”

“We’ll just stay here like this for days, then. Eskild can bring us food.”

That at least makes Isak smile, and he turns his head enough to press a kiss to Even’s cheek. “Let’s lie down?” 

The guilt is back, heavy in his chest as he snuggles in close to Even’s side, arm draped over him. He wonders if Even is thinking about it, too. How many times had Even replayed those terrible words he’d said? How sure is he really about them being together, even now? Isak's breaths have begun to come out in tiny shudders and he _knows_ Even can feel it, knows he’ll have to either chill the fuck out or come clean. And this is no time to start retreating. 

“I’m sorry for what I said about her,” he whispers at last. The words are half-muffled in Even’s shirt but the room is so still he’s sure Even understands them. “To you. That time.” He doesn’t have the strength to be more specific. 

Even knows, though. He strokes Isak’s arm across his chest, letting out a deep exhale before saying quietly, “It’s okay,” and the tension floods out of Isak’s body. “It’s okay,” he repeats. “You didn’t know.”

Isak tips his head back to look at him through a glaze of tears, and Even is just smiling serenely at him. Then he gives Isak a gentle nod, his head still moving when Isak closes the space between their lips for a kiss. 

“I love you.” He doesn’t think about the words before he says them. They flow right off his tongue as naturally as his own name, and it’s not the least bit scary. 

And when he opens his eyes, he sees Even still wearing that soft little smile, the one that tells him without a doubt that everything is really, truly going to be okay. “I love you, too,” Even whispers, and the words slide perfectly into that last bit of empty space in Isak’s heart.

\---------

His mother doesn’t take days to respond to his text, but Isak _does_ spend days re-reading it. It seems as though he’s pulling his phone out every half hour to stare at the words again. 

_You have been mine since the moment you were born and you always will be. But you can be Even’s as well._

He doesn’t show it to Even, just tells him that her response was a positive one. This is something for just him and her.

When his father calls Wednesday night to confirm that Isak will be there Friday, Isak thinks for a moment that he’ll have to remind him that he won’t be the only one meeting them there, but he doesn’t have to. “And Even, he’s still coming as well?”

“Yes,” Isak replies, bracing himself for whatever his dad might toss at him. Mom is fine with it, so you should be too, he’s ready to say, or anything else to defend Even’s presence. All four of them need this in some way. 

But he’s thankful once again for his father surprising him. “Good, good. We’ll see the two of you then. Starts at 8:30, don’t forget.”

“I won’t.”

He expects to be nervous right up until the concert begins, but he’s completely fine and so is Even. They’ve dealt with enough in the last few weeks to make this last obstacle simply an evening to get through, nothing more worrying than that.

When they enter the church, Isak can see his parents standing in the aisle next to one of the pews near the front, and his breath catches slightly. She looks smaller than he remembers. Even glances over at him with a small frown and then Isak feels Even’s fingers closing around his own. They exchange a look - Even silently raising his eyebrows, Isak nodding - and proceed down the center aisle toward them, hand in hand.

“I was baptized here, you know,” Isak murmurs, giving Even’s hand a little squeeze. “Haven’t been back since.”

Even hums softly. “This is a nice bookend, isn’t it?”

Had Even not been with him, Isak isn’t sure how he would have been able to deal with this. He hasn’t seen either of his parents in months, the circumstances surrounding their partings messy at best, but somehow, with Even at his side, the reunion goes rather well. He hugs his mother first and, as he pulls back, she holds his face between her hands for a moment, their eyes meeting in a wordless rush of understanding. Embracing his father feels less cathartic, but they’ll get there. 

“Even... this is Even,” he says proudly, stepping back to allow him to move forward. He’s not the least bit concerned about this moment; Even could charm absolutely anyone.

And indeed, as he introduces himself to each of them with that trademark smile of his, Isak hears his mother remark that he must have stolen it from an angel. He tries (and fails) to hide his grin while Even laughs and hugs her gently, then clasps hands with Isak’s father, the contact firm and respectful. Everything is just fine.

When the greetings are complete, Even immediately slides his hand back into Isak’s while the four of them make only slightly awkward small talk for a moment. Then, apparently under the impression that there are zero secrets here, his mother tells him that she’s doing much better now that she’s found the right combination of medication. Isak can’t help his eyes from darting toward Even, who is watching her with great interest. He half-expects Even to start listing off names of meds they might both take, right here in the middle of the church. 

Isak’s father clears his throat, clearly uncomfortable, and begins ushering them all into their pew. Even goes first, so Isak can sit beside his mother. As they’re getting settled, she grasps his hand and they share another silent look, and unless he’s very much mistaken, she’s trying to tell him that she approves of Even wholeheartedly. 

He’d been so focused on getting them through those first few minutes that he’d all but forgotten the rest of why they’re here: the concert itself. The sanctuary is draped with deep red and gold hangings, decorated with fairy lights and candles, and it reminds him of something, although he can’t put his finger on what it is. The overall effect is much more calming than Isak had anticipated and he smiles over at Even, who takes his hand yet again and holds it to his heart for a moment. It hasn’t escaped him that the first time they’re holding hands in public is not only in the presence of his parents but inside a _church,_ as if Even is just daring someone to come smite them. 

He can take or leave most Christmas music, honestly, especially non-secular songs, so he spends much of the concert idly tracing Even’s hand with his fingertips and revelling in the fact that he’s sitting here with his mother on one side and his boyfriend on the other, and that it’s all happened in such a short period of time. It’s a thought similar to one he’s had several times lately, but this... this is _everything_ in his life finally fitting into place. There’s still plenty more work to do with both of them, and with his father as well. But he knows he can weather it. 

By the time the closing song begins, Isak is more at peace than he ever expected to feel in such a setting. He senses Even stirring next to him and looks at him, eyebrow raised in question. “This one is my favorite,” Even whispers close to his ear, and Isak just smiles at him, nodding. If he had to choose one, _O Helga Natt_ would be his, too.

The soloist is very good, his voice crystalline and both sweet and soaring, and Isak is entranced. He hardly notices when Even lays his head on his shoulder, but when the singer looks directly at him, he knows the tiny smile that flashes across his face is for both of them. Like they’re supposed to be here together, and the concert just wouldn’t be complete without them.

\---------

Vilde ambushes them at Isak’s locker on Monday morning. “Hi, Isak! Hello, Even,” she chirps. “It’s so good to see you both!” She glances around and then lowers her voice almost to a whisper when she adds, “Together.”

Even, of course, has nothing but smiles for her, and gives her a quick hug and kiss on the cheek. But Isak hangs back a bit, because it’s still fucking early in the day and in spite of the affection he now has for her, too much Vilde before noon can be dangerous.

He busies himself with getting what he needs out of his locker while the two of them chat, mostly tuning them out. It’s not until Even plucks at his sleeve and calls his name that he realizes they’re both staring at him. “Huh?”

Vilde sighs through her nose at him. “I _said,_ would it be okay with your roomies if we have the _kose_ Christmas party at your place?”

Okay, back up. “Uh...” He looks at Even for help, but he’s just grinning and giving Isak puppy eyes. “Yeah, no problem. When again, sorry?”

“Friday,” Vilde and Even reply in perfect unison.

“Sure.”

“And you’ll get a tree? Even says there isn’t one at your apartment already. That there are _no_ Christmas decorations there _at all,_ so I’ll have to bring everything else. If you promise me you can take care of the tree.”

Isak narrows his eyes at Even. “Are you kidding me with this? See if you’re ever invited over again.”

“Hey, the woman asked. I cannot tell a lie.”

“And here I was going to give you a key for one of your Christmas presents,” Isak grumbles, but a smile is peeking through, and it widens at Even’s delighted gasp.

“Were you really?” he asks, and Isak can see him physically holding himself back from leaning in to give him a kiss, which hurts a little. Okay, more than a little.

“Yes, I was. But if you’re going to just go around blabbing our business to _anybody..._ ”

At this, Vilde lets out a perfectly-timed sound of shock. “Yes, I’m just anybody, I understand. It’s not like--” She looks around again and then steps in very close to Isak, hissing under her breath. “It’s not like I wasn’t _there_ when you-- I mean, you told me _first._ ”

Isak can’t tell if she’s actually offended or just playing along, but he’ll drop the game to clear the air on this one. “Technically I told _him_ first,” he replies, jerking his thumb in Even’s direction. “But yes, Vilde honey, of course you’re not just anybody. I think you’re wonderful.” Then he reaches over to pat her on the top of the head, just as he’d done during that fateful _kosegruppa_ meeting what feels like a lifetime ago. And just as she had then, she lets out a giggle now, smiling brightly at him. “So yes, I’ll go get a stupid tree.”

“ _We’ll_ get it,” Even chimes in.

\---------

And that's how Isak finds out that the true test of a new relationship is not meeting the best friends or even meeting the parents - it's carrying a Christmas tree home together. 

It starts out innocently (and _easily_ ) enough. They head up to Kiellands plass after school the next day, stopping for kebab along the way because Isak had to skip lunch to study for a test and is famished. He tries to tell Even they can just eat as they walk because it’s _cold_ but Even insists they sit, claiming food must be properly enjoyed - any food, even take-out. Consequently, it’s nearly dusk when they finally arrive at the park.

Isak really doesn’t know why he hadn’t anticipated that Even would take absolutely _forever_ to pick out a tree. He makes them stop at every single one to examine it slowly from all sides, and he wrinkles his nose at each of them - _all_ of them, all twenty million fucking trees. “I’m sorry, I forget - is this tree going in the Royal Palace or in my living room for a stupid _kose_ party?” he snaps at one point, but Even just makes a face at him and grins, and moves right on to the next tree.

Finally, after what Isak could swear is one hundred years at the very least, Even exclaims “Ah!” and lovingly pats the branches of one. “This is it. This one.” 

Isak gives him a sarcastic smile. “Good. Go pay for it.” When Even raises his eyebrows, Isak adds, “Consider it punishment for making my feet freeze.”

Even just blows him a tiny kiss and walks off, leaving Isak to guard their choice, stamping his feet in a vain effort to warm them. When Even comes back his hands are suspiciously empty, and before Isak has a chance to ask, he says, “Don’t kill me, but they ran out of the mesh stuff to wrap it in.”

“Of course they did,” Isak replies. “We’ve been here for 800 hours.”

“It’s not too fluffy, we can handle it. Come on, grab an end.”

Once they’ve got the tree balanced between them (Isak has obviously chosen the top branches, which is the easier end) Even sets off - in completely the wrong direction. “Hey! Bus stop is over there!” Isak calls, and Even just stares back at him. “The 54 will take us right home,” Isak explains, assuming Even just isn’t aware of how simple the route is.

“We’re not taking the _bus,_ come on. With this huge thing?”

“You’re not serious.”

“It’s not that far.”

“We’re _walking?_ ” Isak almost yells. “With this huge thing?” he adds, and Even bursts out laughing at the repetition.

“Don’t be such a baby, we’ll be there in like 15 minutes.”

“I hate you, I swear,” Isak mutters, and his end of the tree is yanked right out of his grip when Even starts walking again without warning him first. 

He drops it exactly three more times on the torturous journey home, and all of them are in protest as opposed to by accident. But Even remains cheerful the whole time, even when Isak angrily shouts for him to _please_ stop walking so fucking fast. “Your legs are longer than mine, you know!” 

He’s never been so happy to see his apartment building. It’s fully dark now and he’s exhausted and scratched and his fingers are covered in sap and he hates Even’s guts, he really does. Navigating the stupid tree inside and up to the flat seems to take another hour, and once it’s finally sitting in the living room Isak flops dramatically onto the sofa, _glaring_ at it. It takes up half the fucking room.

“I’m not speaking to you for a year,” he informs Even, and crosses his arms over his chest when Even snorts. “I’m completely serious.”

“Okay. When does this year start, my beautiful one?”

“Right now.”

Even shrugs. “That’s fair, I guess.” He drops onto the sofa beside Isak with a deep sigh, sliding an arm around his shoulders. “Look at it, though! Didn’t we pick a good one? And we carried it here all by ourselves, doesn’t that make you proud?” Isak bites the inside of his cheek and deliberately turns his head away. “And just think about how pretty it’ll look after everyone comes to the party and decorates it,” Even goes on, his voice lower now, his fingers beginning to gently stroke Isak’s shoulder and the side of his neck. “And then after they all go home, we can turn off all the other lights and just leave the fairy lights on, and it’ll be so beautiful. Have you ever laid under a Christmas tree when its lights are on, and stared up into it? It’s really lovely. We should totally do that.”

Oh, Isak _hates_ him. It’s impossible to stay mad at him, ever.

“And after that,” Even continues in a whisper, his lips brushing against Isak’s ear. “We can curl up here on the sofa with cups of hot cider, all warm and comfy under a blanket, and just talk and talk, because don’t even try to pretend you’re not going to speak to me. We’ll talk for hours, and your face will look so incredible lit by only those lights, all angles and shadows, and I won’t be able to keep from kissing you after a while. I _love_ listening to you, I could listen to you talk for days, but kissing you is just a whole other realm of wonderful. We won’t even need mistletoe, because you’re mine, and I’m yours, and we can kiss whenever we want to, can’t we?”

Isak has long since collapsed into a puddle of utter mush and can hardly breathe out a soft “mhm” before pressing his lips against Even’s. His arms coil involuntarily around Even’s neck, pulling him as close as he can, and after a moment he’s forgotten all about his silly threat. Some part of his brain knows he’d only done it so Even could work his magic and prove him wrong, anyway.

\---------

**_Torsdag 11:19_ **

_**From Vilde:** I’ve just gotten confirmation that a very special guest will be attending the party tomorrow! Can’t tell you who. And don’t mention this to Eskild._

_**To Vilde:** Is it the Crown Prince? Please tell me it’s the Crown Prince._

_**From Vilde:** Almost as good, I promise._

_**To Vilde:** Then I’ll stay up all night polishing the silver._

_**From Vilde:** You’d better._

_**From Vilde:** Don’t tell Eskild!!!!! _

_**To Vilde:** What about Linn?_

_**From Vilde:** HER EITHER._

_**To Vilde:** I WON’T._

_**From Vilde:** BECAUSE IT’S A SURPRISE._

_**To Vilde:** I GET IT_

_**From Vilde:** OKAY_

\---------

“Okay listen,” Magnus tells Isak as soon as he walks through the door for the party. “I’ll have you know that we had the chance to go to the dance chicks’ party tonight, but we’re loyal friends and told them we were coming here instead. So just remember that shit.”

“Merry Christmas to you, too.”

“I’m serious, okay!”

Isak can’t help snorting, exchanging a look with Jonas. “Tell you what, to make up for it, I’ll do my best to get you a hookup tonight.”

Immediately, Magnus lights up. “Yeah? With who? Vilde’s a lost cause now, obviously.” He glances over Isak’s shoulder with a heavy sigh, and Isak follows his gaze - Vilde and Eva are admiring the half-decorated Christmas tree, holding hands and giggling. It’s the first time he’s seen them be this affectionate with lots of other people around.

“Huh,” he says, catching Jonas’ eye again before looking back to Magnus. “That’s interesting.” 

(“I’ll say,” Jonas mutters under his breath.)

“Who, then? I don’t know, there’ll be plenty of cute girls here tonight. And there’s plenty more of them at school. You’ll get there.”

“Easy for you to say, you’ve already scored the most handsome guy at Nissen,” Magnus mumbles, and he punches Isak on the shoulder when Isak just shrugs and nods as if to say ‘why yes, yes I have’.

Jonas says something about wanting a beer and heads for the kitchen, and Magnus starts to follow him but Isak catches his arm, holding him back. “We should talk sometime soon,” he says quietly. “It’s nothing bad, exactly, I just need to... discuss some things.”

“Oh, about Even being bipolar?” Magnus asks mildly. Isak blinks hard at him, but Magnus just smiles. “He told me the other day. No big deal. Yeah, that’s fine, whenever you want.”

Even hasn’t gotten here yet; he’s having dinner with his parents at home, so Isak can’t glare at him for not telling him about this. Then again, the idea of Even and Magnus speaking privately, without him around as a buffer, is so reassuring. He loves that Even felt confident enough to do that, and the thought of him becoming better friends with the boys makes him very happy. 

He and Magnus join Jonas in the kitchen then, and find Mahdi there as well. They all look at Isak strangely when he grabs a soda instead of a beer. “Trying to quit,” he says quickly, and launches into the subject of the _Westworld_ finale to distract them. 

They’re still discussing it ten minutes later when Even enters the kitchen; Isak raises his eyebrows at him and covertly gestures to the can of soda he’s holding, at which Even smiles and mouths “thank you”. The others greet him happily and Mahdi immediately asks if he’s seen the finale too, and Even’s eyes light up as he says he and Isak had watched it together. “The fuck’s going to happen _now?_ ” Mahdi asks him. Isak hides a snort behind his soda can, hoping the guys are prepared for Even’s soliloquy of wild theories. 

Then he just stays quiet for several minutes, just watching the conversation bounce between the four of them, and he’s smiling without really realizing it. The warmth in his chest, the lightness in his heart - this is what the ridiculous _kosegruppa_ is all about, isn’t it? And it dawns on him then that if his friends had bailed on him for that first meeting back in October, it might have been weeks before he and Even first spoke, or maybe months, or maybe - awful as it is to think about it - they never would have met at all. How strange it is that one little decision can change everything. Sometime he really ought to thank them for showing up.

Eva pokes her head into the kitchen after a bit, whistling to get their attention. “Isak, did you invite the girls from the dance group without telling Vilde? They’re here and she’s not exactly happy.”

Isak’s eyes cut to Magnus, who’s staring at Eva with wide eyes, clearly imploring her to be telling the truth. “Nope, wasn’t me,” Isak replies, still watching Mags. 

Eva sighs heavily. “Do you care if they stay?”

“Let them stay!” Magnus blurts out, and everyone stares at him. “I mean... yeah, Isak, is that cool with you?”

Isak just shrugs and nods, and poor Eva is nearly trampled by Magnus running past her out to the living room. Jonas and Mahdi burst out laughing, telling Isak and Even they _have_ to see this, and follow him out. 

Isak is still chuckling when Even steps closer to him, wrapping both arms around his waist to pull him in close for a kiss. “About time we were alone,” Even mumbles, and Isak nods through a second kiss. 

“Oh, before I forget, because I promised her,” Even says quickly. “My mom was nagging me all through dinner about wanting to meet you. I made the mistake of telling her we went to the concert with your parents, and she got all huffy about it. Says it’s their turn now.”

“Whenever you want,” Isak replies with a smile, actually quite pleased at this particular swarm of butterflies in his stomach. “I’m sort of dying to meet the people who raised this sweet, gorgeous man,” he adds, giving Even’s body a tight squeeze. 

Even laughs and leans in to kiss him again, and again and again, and would probably have continued for quite a while if they weren’t interrupted by a soft giggle that Isak recognizes as Sana’s without even needing to look at her. 

He greets her happily, and starts to introduce her to Even purely out of habit, but is completely stunned when Even speaks first. “ _Ahlan wasahlan wamarhaba,_ ” he says smoothly to her, and out of the corner of his eye, Isak can see how impressed she is.

“ _Shukran,_ ” she replies, bowing her head with a kinder smile than Isak’s ever seen from her.

“Somebody want to fill me in here?” Isak asks, feeling very out of place, and _very_ intrigued by the knowing looks the two of them are giving each other.

“I studied the Qur’aan last year,” Even tells him, and looks extremely proud of the shocked expression on Isak’s face. “In Arabic,” he adds, glancing at Sana with a small shrug. “Picked up a few more sayings, too. I was just welcoming Sana into our home, and she thanked me.”

That’s _way_ more information than should really be allowed for so few sentences, and Isak just shakes his head, still gazing at Even in awe. 

“I’ll tell you about it later,” Even tells him softly, and turns back to Sana. “You’re his biology partner, yes?”

The two of them have a friendly conversation for a moment, but Isak is still reeling too badly to really join in. He finally catches up when Sana asks if there are more sodas in the refrigerator; that’s why she’d come in here. “Yeah, yeah,” he says, nodding at the fridge behind her. She grabs a can and raises it to him in thanks, shares one last warm smile with Even, and leaves the kitchen.

As soon as she’s out of earshot, Isak rounds on him. “Okay, what _else_ don’t I know about you?”

“Oh, don’t worry. There’s plenty. You won’t get bored anytime soon.”

“Hmm. And what was that about ‘our’ home, huh?” He’d been incredibly touched by it, of course, but he’s going to have a little fun anyway. “You don’t have your key yet. Still not sure if I’m giving it to you, by the way. I’m still pissed about the fucking tree.”

“Have you seen it?! It’s almost finished being decorated and it looks _so_ nice.”

“Don’t change the subject.”

“I’m _distracting_ you, sweetheart.”

“And I’m well aware, _baby._ Do you think you can just throw some pretty words at me, kiss me or whatever, and I’ll just forget about everything? I’m not that in love with you.”

Even grins at him. “You’re a little in love with me, though.”

“A tiny bit. A molecule’s worth.”

“I’m the man of your fucking dreams, don’t lie.”

Isak can’t keep this up anymore; he’s smiling so widely it’s hurting his cheeks. He leans in to plant a devastating kiss on him, a real smacker, when there’s a sudden chorus of ecstatic yells and squeals from the living room. Both of their heads swivel toward the door, and Isak hurries toward it, Even on his heels.

Vilde, Eva, Sana, Chris, Linn, and Eskild are all smushed into a group hug close to the front door; Isak can see a bit of blonde hair somewhere near the middle of them all, then a familiar bright blue eye. _Noora._

They peel away from her one by one, with Eva and Eskild practically fighting over who gets to be the last one to let go of her. Vilde catches Isak’s eye across the room and, beaming at him, calls, “Our very special guest!” Isak smiles back at her, realizing he really should have guessed it before now.

She’s come back to visit for Christmas, it transpires, and wanted it to be a surprise for most of them, so she’d only told Vilde. It takes a while for her to get around to everyone to say hello, and by the time she gets to Isak he’s had time to remind Even of who she is and how she fits into his circle of friends. After hugging her, Isak introduces the two of them, calling Even his boyfriend with such pride and honor that Even actually blushes. 

Noora, to her credit, hides her surprise well, and greets Even with a kiss on each cheek. She gives Isak a wide-eyed smile before Eskild suddenly appears at her side. “My beautiful girl,” he croons. “Are you staying with us? And shit, I didn’t even ask - is William with you?”

For the first time since she’s arrived, Noora’s smile falters. “No, I’ll be staying with Vilde. She’s already got it all arranged, of course. And... hmm, we should discuss, uh. Him.”

The two of them wander away - Noora calls, “We’ll talk more later, Isak, and Even, it was nice to meet you!” over her shoulder before Eskild whisks her into his bedroom and shuts the door.

Isak shares a baffled look with Even, then shrugs. “It was never anything but drama with her and William so I’m not surprised at all.” Even raises his eyebrows, clearly curious, but Isak just laughs and shakes his head. “Some other time. Come on, let’s be social.”

Being among this many people while holding Even’s hand without fear and casually kissing him as if they’ve been doing it for years... it’s both exhilarating and incredibly comforting at the same time. Isak had known this party would be another test for him, and he’s passing it with flying colors. He’s already decided that come Monday at school? He’s not going to shy away from giving Even a quick kiss goodbye when they part at his locker for their first classes. He’s going to hold his hand as they walk down the hall, sit as close to him as he wants at lunch, drape his arms around him in the courtyard. He’s so, so ready for it. All of it.

\---------

Even is engrossed in deep conversation with Sana off in a corner, and Isak is sitting on the sofa between Jonas and Mahdi watching Magnus somehow, _somehow,_ hold two of the dance chicks in thrall at the same time while telling them one of his many crazy near-hookup stories. None of them have any clue how the hell he’s doing it, because they all distinctly remember being bored to death by the tale he’d told them. 

“Did he put something in their drinks?” Mahdi asks quietly.

“Nah, I think they’re doing it for some kind of dare,” Jonas replies, and Isak almost chokes on his soda. Both of the boys look over at him expectantly.

“Come on. They’re obviously thinking about a threesome, and Mags is the most desperate guy here so he’s the perfect candidate.”

Mahdi and Jonas both exclaim happily and high-five him. “Sweet old Mags,” Jonas says, the affection obvious in his voice. “We’ve taught him so well. Just watch, in like ten minutes all three of them will have disappeared together. Tonight’s his night, I can feel it.”

Isak and Mahdi nod in unison, and Isak knows that all of them are being perfectly serious. There’s just something about the way things are looking over there.

Isak drains the last of his soda and excuses himself to run to the bathroom, and on his way back he’s stopped by Noora. She’s smiling again, thankfully. “Isak! Sorry about before.”

“No problem,” he replies, smiling back sincerely. “Everything going okay?”

“In the short term, yes. How’s my old room treating you?”

“All of your furniture is still there!” Noora laughs, then narrows her eyes at him as if she doesn’t quite believe him. “I swear! You’re welcome to go look. I’m just lazy and haven’t gotten any of my own yet.”

“Maybe later. Eskild’s told me horror stories about how messy it is.” She theatrically pinches her nose shut, her eyes twinkling playfully now.

“Ah, it’s better now, I promise. Even stays over most nights so I had to make the place presentable.”

“Yes... Even.” Noora glances around the living room, obviously searching for him, but Isak’s gaze lands directly on him as if drawn there like a magnet. He’s standing with Eskild near the doorway to the hall; they’ve clearly just finished hanging Eskild’s mistletoe. “He’s very handsome. Nice job there.”

“Yes, he is,” Isak says softly, giving Even a gentle smile when their eyes meet across the room. 

“How long have you been together?”

“Only a few weeks.”

“And he’s already sleeping over? Most nights, you said?”

Isak shifts his eyes back to her, blushing slightly as he shrugs. “It’s really real for us.”

“I’m happy for you,” Noora whispers, and pulls him in for a quick hug. “Oh!” she says sharply, holding him at arm’s length and staring directly into his eyes. “Also, what the hell, Eva and Vilde? _Nobody_ told me about this?!” 

Isak bursts out laughing, quickly scanning the room for the two of them, but neither of them are there. “Sorry, but I think we’re all still recovering, actually.” 

“Seriously, I go to London and suddenly everyone is gay,” she replies, crossing her arms over her chest and clicking her tongue. 

“You should stay in Oslo for a while,” he tells her with a grin. “See what else you can make happen.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only one more to go, babes ♥


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In a parallel universe, the rest of the boy squad actually shows up at the first _kosegruppa_ meeting and Isak stays for the love games. A story in which small changes can make big differences, and the curtains in Isak's room might just be yellow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is! My timing worked out pretty perfectly since I was hoping we'd get at least a little info on S4 that I could incorporate into the last chapter, so there are a few spoilery things in here - beware if you're waiting till Friday to watch the full first episode! Thank you to [CZ](http://adamparishe.tumblr.com) for looking this over last night, and to [Immy](http://skamskada.tumblr.com) for the Oslo info and encouragement!

**_Søndag, 26.03.17_ **

Their phones start buzzing with texts before eight in the morning. Isak buries his head under his pillow with a groan and does his best to ignore it, but whoever is texting is damn persistent. At last Even grabs his phone just to see what the hell is going on, and after a moment he chuckles and gives Isak a gentle nudge. “You should look,” he says softly, dropping a kiss to Isak's shoulder.

“Just tell me,” Isak replies, the words muffled.

“It's Vilde,” Even says, and Isak groans again, because _of course it is._ “She sent it to everyone. She said it's going to be a warm, sunny day and she wants to get us all together for a barbecue.”

He peeks out from beneath the pillow to see Even watching him with a tiny smile, his eyes sparkling, impossibly beautiful for so early in the day even with his hair sticking up in corkscrews. For a few seconds he actually forgets about the conversation entirely, just lost in staring, but when Even raises his eyebrows and asks him what he thinks, Isak is snapped back to reality. He blinks hard and stretches a little, asking, “A barbecue... I don’t know, what do _you_ think?”

Even shrugs, his smile widening. “Sounds like fun to me. And it would be a shame to waste a pretty day.”

“Are you sure you’re up for it?” Isak asks quietly. For the past week, Even has been recovering from a bad period, and he seems to be back to his old self. But the dark days had been very dark indeed; it was Isak’s first time experiencing them at Even’s side, and although Even appears much better now, Isak is still mending in his own way. He’s not about to rush Even into anything unless he’s completely ready.

Even sets down his phone and turns on his side to face Isak, and only then does he give him a small nod. “I really am, yeah. You trust me when I say that, don’t you?”

“Of course I do.”

“Good.” Even beams, then presses a noisy kiss to Isak’s cheek. “I’ll text her back.” He rolls onto his back again and Isak immediately curls into his side, watching Even’s fingers on the keyboard. “‘Yes from both Isak and me,’” Even dictates. “‘Sounds great, exclamation point. P.S.... Isak says please learn to tell time, it’s too fucking early for this.’” He hits ‘send’ before Isak can stop him, and collapses into giggles when Isak hits him with his pillow. “What?! You know you were thinking exactly that!”

“Now she’s going to pout at me all fucking day! And Eva will get pissed at me for it,” Isak protests, flinging the pillow at him again, but he’s grinning anyway.

“I’ll be there to protect you,” Even says, and then swiftly maneuvers his body directly on top of Isak’s, pinning his wrists lightly to the bed. “See? I’ll throw myself in front of you just like this.”

Isak gives their nakedness an exaggerated glance. “Just like this, huh?” he deadpans, and he and Even snort with laughter at the exact same time. 

“Obviously I’m the only one who’s allowed to see you in all your bare-assed glory,” Even murmurs then, brushing his lips over Isak’s in a teasing kiss before trailing them down his jaw to his neck. Isak pulls his hands free of Even’s grip so he can wrap both arms around him, his legs coiling around Even’s waist to draw him as close as possible, absolutely ready to surrender to some good old-fashioned early morning making out-- and of course they’re interrupted by a sharp rap on the door.

“It’s me!” Noora’s voice sails through the door, making them both let out low, irritated groans. Isak had forgotten she’d stayed over last night; she’s been splitting her time between here and Vilde’s. “Just wondering if you got Vilde’s text?”

“Yes!” Isak calls. “We’re going!” 

“Okay, sorry, just checking. Thank you!”

Isak plasters on a smile so she’ll hear it in his voice when he replies, “You’re very welcome!” Then he rolls his eyes and mutters under his breath, “How long till our moving day again?”

“Two weeks and one day,” Even whispers into his ear, then presses a soft kiss to it. 

“And we’ll be alone at last.”

“Can you even imagine how wonderful that’ll be?” Even asks softly. “Have you really thought about it yet? I can’t _stop_ thinking about it. Personally, I think we should try to get you out of here even earlier.”

“Or just find a way to speed up time,” Isak mumbles, his eyes already shut, his head tipping back to expose his neck again, and Even takes the hint. Any further disturbances will be summarily ignored for at least an hour, he’s decided, because just thinking about the two of them living in their very own place soon has made him remember they’ll need to christen every room, and practice makes perfect.

\---------

They all meet up at two in the afternoon at a picnic spot along Akerselva river walk down near Grønland. Sana had confided to Even earlier in a text that _she_ had ultimately chosen the spot, because it’s close to a halal butcher shop that’s open on Sunday. This message had come after Even had very kindly asked her if she would like him to remind Vilde about her dietary restrictions, and Sana had said she’d already taken care of it and would be joining Vilde for the shopping. Isak had kissed Even for an extra five minutes after that, because his boyfriend is so fucking amazing.

In spite of Even’s assurance that he’s perfectly fine with this outing today, Isak still senses that he’s gripping his hand rather tightly as they walk toward the group. It’s the first time Even has seen most of them for the past couple of weeks. But everyone offers warm greetings as if they’d seen him only yesterday, as if nothing at all is wrong, and Isak tries to remind himself (and Even too, with a meaningful look) that nothing _is_ wrong. They’ve all been wonderful, checking in with Isak constantly to see if either of them need anything, and he loves them for it. He notices that Magnus and Sana both give Even especially affectionate hugs, and his heart feels even lighter.

They’re all starving, so Jonas and Mahdi start getting the disposable grills set up and lit right away - Jonas bores them with a running commentary about how bloody awful these things are for the environment, and Noora is the only one to not roll her eyes at him. Vilde puts herself in charge of handing out plates and utensils and napkins. “We bought enough sausages for everyone to have three, and there’s potato salad, too,” she informs them in a fussy, ‘you’ll eat it and you’ll _like_ it’ tone, practically glaring around at everyone. Then Eva pipes up with a promise of ice cream later if anyone wants it, and Vilde softens at once, kissing Eva’s cheek with a low murmur of thanks that Isak is pretty sure only he and Eva catch.

“Wish it wasn’t Sunday,” Magnus announces sulkily, and Chris chimes in her agreement. When Sana gives them a questioning look, Magnus tells her with a pout, “Can’t buy beer on Sunday.”

“Shit, we have some in the fridge!” Isak replies, nudging Even’s arm. “Wish you’d reminded me, we would have brought it.”

Magnus gives him the most offensive mock glare humanly possible and points dramatically north. “Go home and get it. Or you get no food.”

The rest of the group shouts him down (Mahdi throws a plastic spoon at him for good measure). “Okay, okay!” Magnus finally yells, and most of them have begun to snicker by now. “Sorry guys, I’m just bummed that Lise couldn’t come today.” He actually lets out this lovesick little sigh that’s so sweetly pathetic that Isak has to press his mouth to Even’s shoulder to hide a loud laugh. 

“Hey, _we_ were like that when we first got together,” Even tells him softly before kissing his forehead.

“Yeah, I know,” Isak replies. “He’s just cute about it, I don’t know. He finally gets a girlfriend and he’s still just as... _Mags._ ” Now it’s Even’s turn to cover a snort of laughter, pretending it’s a cough as Isak pats the side of his head and smiles serenely around at their friends, who are all staring at them curiously.

The first round of sausages is ready a moment later and there’s a mad scramble for them, and everyone pretends to ignore Mahdi and Chris fighting over the ketchup. It’s not until they’re almost finished that Isak notices Even has chosen to eat one made of chicken, just like Sana, and he catches Even’s eye with an adoring smile. He’s obviously feeling better, isn’t he? They’ll be just fine.

After most of them have eaten their fill they just sprawl out on the grass, heads turned up to the sky to soak up this rare and glorious sunshine. Isak settles himself between Even’s legs, his back to Even’s chest, leaning against him without a single shred of fear or hesitation. He’s been comfortable showing affection like this in front of their friends for months now, and it doesn’t faze him at all that there are dozens of other people having picnics in this park today, dozens who could see him with Even like this. Fuck, he _welcomes_ it. He’s completely happy, and he wants anyone who encounters him to know it and be jealous as hell.

“Look over there,” Even says softly into his ear after a little while. He folds his right hand around Isak’s and rests them on Isak’s hip, and points with his other hand toward the tallest building they can see, which is much closer to the park than Isak had realized. He wouldn’t even have to look at it to know exactly what it is and what Even is referencing; the position of their hands is all it takes to remind him. 

“We should go back up there sometime,” he whispers, tilting his head back to rest perfectly in the crook of Even’s neck. “I’d love to kiss you on that roof again.”

“I’m ready whenever you are.”

“Bring the fairy lights this time? Sing to me?”

Even lets out an adorable little moan and tries to hide his face in Isak’s hair, but Isak is having none of it, reaching backward to tickle his sides. “Whatever, fuck you, I’m just trying to give you your perfect movie moment!” Isak says menacingly, but he’s still smiling.

Even hugs him tightly and murmurs, “I think our life is better than any movie.”

And fuck if he isn’t 100% right.

\--------- 

Isak hasn’t noticed that they’re all sitting in a loose circle until Eva suddenly says, “Oh shit... look around, you guys. What does this remind you of?” The group stares at each other curiously, then at Eva, who’s leaning against Vilde in a near-mirror image of how Isak and Even are positioned. She rolls her eyes at them and opens her mouth to speak, but Vilde cuts her off with a loud “Oh!” and bursts out laughing. “Right? You get it,” Eva giggles, tilting her head against the side of Vilde’s, and Vilde nods through her cackling laughter.

Everyone just gapes at them until Noora and Jonas explode with “Just tell us, Jesus!” in almost perfect unison. 

“The first time we were all together,” Eva says at last. “ _Kosegruppa_ meeting last fall.”

This pulls a chorus of nostalgic ‘awww’s from just about all of them - except Noora, who’s still staring at Eva in confusion. It takes everyone a moment to realize it.

“Oh! Okay, well, not _all_ together, then,” Vilde says, then clears her throat a bit uncomfortably. She gives Eva a somewhat helpless look, but Eva seems lost for words, too.

Sana comes to both their rescues. “We’ve told you about _kose,_ right?” she asks Noora, who nods. “Okay, at the first meeting, we had everyone sit in a circle and we played a couple of icebreaker games.” She nods toward the rest of them. “They were all there, and it was the first time Isak and Even met.”

Noora swivels her head toward them and lets out a little cooing sound. “Really?” she asks, and Isak nods. Even’s cheek is pressed to his and he can feel him smiling. “How did it happen?” she asks then, and looks confused again when nearly everyone starts to laugh.

“Hey, shut the fuck up!” Isak yells at them all, grinning. “I was _nervous,_ okay?”

Sana fills Noora in - the chain of compliments, the exchanges with Emma, and Isak’s horribly embarrassing praise of Even’s _height_ of all things. “The first thing I said to him! In my life!” Isak says to Noora, with Even just cackling away behind him. “But I guess I did something right because look at me now,” he adds, leaning back against Even again and reaching up to blindly cup his cheek. “Look at this gorgeous man I landed with my lame-ass compliment.”

“Ah, it wasn’t really _that,_ ” Even tells her, kissing Isak’s shoulder, and then lifts his hand to give it three gentle yet very deliberate taps. Isak blushes instantly. “Tell that part too, Sana.”

She gives him an indulgent smile, then lets out a deep sigh. “See, Eva and I came up with this other little game that was _great_ \- everyone would close their eyes, and people would walk around the circle giving little taps on shoulders; one if they make you smile, and two if you want to get to know them better.” Noora coos again, but Sana holds up a warning finger. “Then _Vilde_ swoops in with this third option - tap three times if you’ve got a crush. And I want her to admit in front of everyone, finally, that she only did it so she could have a way to tell Eva that she had a crush on her.”

Vilde’s scandalized gasp can be heard for _miles._ “That is so not true!”

Every last one of them, Noora included, groans at her.

“It’s not, though!”

Eva pats her hand. “It’s okay, love. You can tell them.”

“We already know anyway,” Mahdi adds.

Vilde is gazing around at them all, her lower lip trembling (Isak is completely certain she’s forcing it for theatrical effect). Then she sighs and snaps, “Fine. Yes, I did.” And the nine of them let out simultaneous cheers, giving her a very sincere round of applause. “I hate all of you,” she says, doing her best to sound ominous, but they all just clap harder at her.

“ _Anyway,_ ” Sana continues. “So now there were three choices. And you know what...” She pauses, staring around the circle. “I think we should all go around and tell who we tapped and how many times. Just to clear the air for good. And don’t lie, because I saw everything and I will call your ass out.”

Everyone chuckles at this, and then Eva volunteers to begin. When she gets to Isak, his heart swells at the memory of her single tap for him and the indescribable comfort he’d felt when he’d recognized her touch. The two of them share a smile for a moment, each knowing exactly what the other is thinking. 

They go around the circle slowly, all cherishing the memories with soft smiles and gentle laughter, and Isak isn’t sure if it’s by design or just coincidence that he and Even are left for last. “You go,” he mumbles, kissing Even’s cheek. “I’ve always wanted to hear what you were thinking, anyway.”

Even chuckles. “First of all, I have to honestly thank you, Vilde,” he says, nodding at her. “Because you gave me the perfect solution, too. I don’t know how many of you know that I’d been crushing on this jerk since the first day of school, and until that night I had no idea how or when, or even _if_ I was ever going to tell him.”

Isak lets out a dramatic little sigh and places a hand over his heart, drawing laughter from the group. “We’re gross, aren’t we?”

“I didn’t really know the rest of you,” Even goes on, looking at each of them in turn, and Isak thinks his gaze lingers on Sana for just a second or two longer than the rest, but he can’t be sure. “So I went around and gave almost everybody else one tap - just to stall, mostly. I was really nervous, because what if he figured out it was me? Or what if he didn’t? I didn’t even know which one I wanted. Because yeah, we’d barely spoken but there was just something about him that drew me in from the first time I ever saw him. As if he was the other half of me I’d been searching for without even knowing part of me was missing.” He meets Isak’s eyes for a moment, his smile so tender it’s dizzying. “So I just screwed up my courage and went for it. One, two, three. Right here.” He’s stroking a single finger lovingly back and forth over Isak’s shoulder, on the very spot he’d placed those three taps. “Then I sat back down and tried not to have a fucking heart attack.”

All of them - _all_ of them - are staring at Even as if he’s the most intoxicating person they’ve ever encountered, and Isak understands completely. Now they know how he feels every single day.

“Wow,” Noora finally whispers, breaking the silence, and everyone laughs quietly. “Okay, Isak,” she adds. “Please tell me you gave him three, too, or I’ll scream.”

“Hate to disappoint you,” Isak tells her, and she covers her face with her hands to muffle a groan. “I was too scared! And anyway, I didn’t really have a crush at that point. I’d seen him only once before that night. Basically I just thought he was hot as fuck. I mean, I can't say pretty stuff like he did just now, because I wouldn't have let myself even have those sort of thoughts yet. Like I said, too scared. Of everything. So no, I just gave him two, because, I mean, it was the truth. I _did_ want to get to know him better.” 

“Aww,” Even says, and wraps both arms around Isak’s neck, pulling him back against him in a playful squeeze. 

“So yeah, sorry, Noora. Oh, and I went before he did. He and Eva were just about the last ones to go, I think,” he says, and he sees Sana nodding. “But since we’re sharing... let me see. Eva, Mags, Vilde, and Jonas all got one. Sana and Mahdi also got two. Chris, I’m sort of embarrassed to say that I avoided you altogether because you still kind of scared me back then.” Chris waves a hand at him as if to say ‘no problem,’ and then slowly sticks a plastic spoon in her mouth, giving him a wink, and Isak can’t help laughing.

“So yeah,” he continues after a moment, smiling at Noora. “Now you know. He’s always been way more smooth than me.”

“Not really,” Even says. “Because after the meeting I went up to him and just blurted out that I had a joint on me and asked if he wanted to share it.”

Everyone explodes with laughter, most of the girls staring at Even in disbelief, who shrugs and gives them a wink. 

“And then you just... got together after that?” Noora asks after they’ve calmed down.

“More or less,” Even replies, and Isak looks at him with his mouth open. “Well, eventually,” Even adds. “We’ll tell you the rest some other time.”

“It’s so _sweet,_ though,” she says with a sigh, leaning her chin on her hand and just staring at the two of them with a sappy little smile. “And now you’re _moving in together._ It’s... yeah.” There’s a slightly awkward silence, and then Noora clears her throat loudly. “Thanks for telling me that story, you guys,” she says to the group at large, smiling around at them all. “I’m kind of sad that I wasn’t there for it.”

“You’re back now, though,” Eva says, taking her hand and giving it a little squeeze.

“For good, right?” Jonas adds, and Isak isn’t even surprised anymore by the obvious hopeful note in his voice.

Noora gives him a bashful smile, ducking her head. “I think so.”

“The circle is now complete,” Magnus says in a deep voice, making them all cackle.

“It actually worked out really well that you weren’t here,” Isak says, and everyone looks at him in confusion. “Because you came back when you did, and you’ve decided to stay now, and it’s part of why Even and I are getting our own place, so you can have your old room back.” Even hugs him gently around the waist, and Isak leans gratefully back into him while still gazing at Noora, giving her a soft smile. “I told you to see what else you could make happen if you stayed, didn’t I? So... thanks for that.”

They all ‘awww’ again, and then break into more soft laughter. Mushiness over, the group’s conversation gradually gives way to smaller ones amongst themselves, and Isak is content to simply sit and watch his friends, Even’s arms warm around him and his steady heartbeat so comforting against his back.

“You know,” Even murmurs after a few moments. “I don’t think it was really Noora coming back that did it. Us moving in together.”

Isak chuckles, shaking his head. “Probably not, but it made her feel better.”

“Because I’m pretty sure we’d have done it anyway. In fact,” he adds, hugging Isak even more closely to him, his breath tickling Isak’s ear now. “I’m just about positive that we’d end up together no matter what. And be together forever. In any time, in any universe.”

“I know, baby. I know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU to everyone who has been so kind and lovely throughout the writing of this fic!!! I love you all very dearly :) ONWARD TO SEASON 4!

**Author's Note:**

> the title is a lyric from a super cheesy american song from the 1970s called "knock three times". the song got stuck in my head while i was plotting out the story, so i took it as a sign.
> 
> find me on [tumblr](http://dahlstrom.tumblr.com)!


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